Emotions (Rated : R) - Writers Forum

BeL · 02-19-2006, 06:04 PM

Disclaimer:

Not for minors

Emotions

I lay on my bed, watching him undress; god he’s beautiful. Everything around me is dressed in an orange light, and it feels as if I’m bathing in a Mediterranean sunset. The room smells of chrysanthemums, the kind of smell that doesn’t invade, but caresses your nose and makes you smile. I smile.

He’s now naked, walking slowly towards me; the body he wears, a painters’ longing, every woman’s deepest desire; his eyes, the waters of a tropical beach, you swim in them and let them caress you, kiss your very soul. I squirm on the bed, the heat in my loins growing with every step he takes. Why is he taking so long?

I grow bored, he is so close and yet he seems an eternity away. My eyes close and I yawn; suddenly I feel his breath on my lips, wet and warm. I slowly sense his body on top of mine, his hands running through my hair, his tongue dancing on my full lips, his chest heavy on my breasts, sweetly taking my breath away. Our legs intertwine, his sex resting on my thigh, begging for attention, and his, pressing softly against my vulva, caressing it, makes me moan.

“Tonight is the end” he whispers in my ears. The end? Fear and confusion sweep through me. The end to what? I don’t want anything to end. The last word comes out with my scream as he thrusts into me. So much pain, such unbelievable pain. A thousand needles piercing every inch of my body. My screams join in a symphony that echoes through the room.

The high pitched noise becomes irritating and I put my hands on the throat of the woman writhing beneath me. Is that me? It must be. The screams die out as I feel the last thread of sanity slipping away.

I gasp and draw a deep breath as he removes his hands from my neck, the flowery air now heavy in my lungs. “Why the fuck do you treat me like that?” I growl angrily, my throat still hurting. “I like it”, he says. His smile melts my anger and his velvet voice moulds it to his liking. “And you like it too” he adds. Of course I do, silly me. I giggle as I lock my legs on his back and thrust him back into me. This time there is no pain, just pleasure, enough pleasure to drive a woman insane.

Desire slowly builds up and our bodies merge. Flesh on flesh, we slowly become one. We climax together and with one last thrust, he claims my whole being, makes me his.

A bright flash showers me. White. Silence. It’s pretty here, I think I’m going to sleep.

-------

I wrote this during a writers block, while trying to finish another story... Comments always welcome.

Miltiadis.

Jimbob · 02-19-2006, 06:29 PM

You have some primal elements here - sex, pain, and ....death?

Jimbob

mjk · 02-19-2006, 07:43 PM

i'm too distracted to comment properly.

(translation: good job.)

murdershewrote2005 · 02-20-2006, 07:00 PM

Gosh...this is good writing. I feel like i just smoked something really illegal...and now i need something to eat...keep posting okay? I like your style.

Jess

Chris Miller · 02-20-2006, 08:56 PM

Usually the "not for minors" disclaimer means written by a minor. But not this time. Nice work.

gohn67 · 02-21-2006, 12:12 AM

Hey Bel,

Nice way to get rid of writer's block. I enjoyed it.

Interesting how the emotion suddenly takes a 180 from kind of sexual longing to violent angry to pleasure and joy

Quote:

The high pitched noise becomes irritating and I put my hands on the throat of the woman writhing beneath me

Did the "I" suddenly change here to the guy? Seems accidental since this is the only paragraph that it is in. Although I've been messing around with changing the "I" and povs lately, so it kind of interested me.

Quote:

I lay on my bed, watching him undress; god he’s beautiful. Everything around me is dressed in an orange light, and it feels as if I’m bathing in a Mediterranean sunset. The room smells of chrysanthemums, the kind of smell that doesn’t invade, but caresses your nose and makes you smile. I smile.

-Liked the Bathe in mediterranean sunset
-smell of chrysanthemums was a great detail.

BeL · 02-21-2006, 07:14 AM

Thanks everyone, I'm really glad you liked it.

@gohn67 :

Quote:

Did the "I" suddenly change here to the guy? Seems accidental since this is the only paragraph that it is in.

Well, the idea is that the woman tries to shut herself up through the man, so it isn't really him doing it... but it isn't supposed to make much sense.

GhostLad · 02-21-2006, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Miller

Usually the "not for minors" disclaimer means written by a minor. But not this time. Nice work.

I can attest to that, alright; being a minor, who doesn't write for minors.

The story's good, but it did feel a little cliche. But only slightly so. Otherwise the writing is beautiful. Though, the change in perspective was a bit jarring. I'm still not quite sure what you meant by it.