Jiieden

[I'm not sure if this is appropriate for all readers. It does have some disturbing imagery, so you've all been warned now...]

The fat man rolled immorally down the sidewalk. His face was full of pus, and it was twisted with pathetic self-satisfaction. His pocket was full of plastic, and he walked with the knowledge that he could buy anything, anything at all. There was a distant song playing, but it was tinny and subdued.

Jacob watched him pass with contempt. There was nothing worse than those waves of flesh, tearing from the man’s bones with each step. There would be food inside, chewed, masticated, reduced to rubble. Each hamburger would contribute to the rotting pile, which turned into the fat Jacob saw. Every chip and every Coke was still embedded in him, mashed together and turned into that grisly grey-pink-white of fat.

It disgusted Jacob. The thought of food disgusted Jacob. Meat disgusted him, with its charnel mix of flesh and blood and lymph and organ. Vegetables, even lettuce disgusted him, as he imagined sparkling white teeth breaking open the plant-veins, spurting out mild juices. Water disgusted him, with its mellifluous, lazy, enveloping, immersive power. He imagined it, out in the ocean, floating there like some vast blanket over the earth. He imagined the distance, engulfing his mind with the sheer space of it. There would be spidery tendrils of light, reaching out and holding him like the inch-legs of a tarantula. The water would be disgustingly green-black-blue, with deep currents that billowed up with cold from below. The below frightened Jacob. It lay there, each time, threatening and deeply, deeply cold. The pressure would kill him before the cold would, he knew, but both possibilities disturbed him. There was nothing worse than that dark, unknown layer. The thought of its enormity terrified him and made him insignificant against it.

Like space. Space was a black hole of nothingness, waiting in every direction to reach out and grab him. It was not like the deep ocean. There was no turbulence, no lazy swells ten times larger than a man. Instead there was nothing. Space could only be described by what there was not, but Jacob imagined himself in space. First, he knew, there would be no air, no oxygen, nothing for him to breath. But that would not kill him – first he would be killed by the pressure. He imagined the monkeys, released into the black radiation-filled expanse of space. The way their flesh would slowly drift apart. First the hair, split-end by split-end drifting away in every direction. As if a million hands were grappling and slowly pulling him apart, the skin would begin to drift, flayed by invisible force. Blood vessels would splay, as if on the operating table. The great Eye of God would look straight through him, daring him to come apart further. And he would, further and further, just drifting apart until his brain unraveled.

Jacob shuddered, and spat onto the pavement. The record shop was still some distance to walk, along the streets filled with surbanites, gullible idiots with plastic in their pockets. He imagined that song, drifting and floating around him until its lullaby lulled him back into his own mind. It soothed him, and his mind skittered away from the insanity that lurked beyond. He imagined the vinyl spinning, spinning, spinning. So the music rose, and he walked on.

gohn67

Hey Jieden,
Seems like a philosphical piece or something? I've read this through twice now and am not quite sure what you're trying to say. I think you are trying to say something deeper than wat's on the surface, but can't grasp it.

There's some interesting images and similes that you used.

Funny image that I get in my head.

Imagery is not really disturbing (but maybe I'm too desensitized). More surreal than anything. Seems like he is having some kind of hallucination because of the music?

Interesting use of the adv immorally.

How do you roll immorally? I'm interested in why you chose to use that adverb. Are you trying to use pathetic fallacy in way, because I know that only applies to non-living things, but it seems similar to that.

is he really rolling? Like a barrel? Or is he walking?

Plastic is credit cards?

So it seems like some kind of social commentary on consumer greed and heavy eaters?

This is strange. So Jacob doesn't like food at all? Because he doesn't like water, vegetables, and water. What is there to eat? Because he needs to eat to survive.

Comma after fat because it can misread without the comma. Or you can just take out the "jacob saw" part. It kind of makes it clunky since the sentence is so backwards like that.
Anyways, interesting piece, nice imagery. I just don't really get what you are trying to tell the reader through this piece, since I think that's your intent as there is not much a plot here.

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The Frowning Dog Blog

Sigg

truth be told ive felt the same way.

What I picture is the main character in the street of a downtown suburb area going to a record store. His disgust for the greedy, self-indulging, materialistic denizens of every major suburbia hell is triggered by the literal representation of that same figurative feeling.

What I mean is, he sees the morbidly obese man and is utterly disgusted by it(hence all the gruesome descriptions and metaphors of his whale blubber). Then at the end he makes the connection about the similiarities between that man's overweight self-indulgence with that of societies over-indulgence in pop culture and material crap they don't need.

Gohn, i think he means that the obesity of the man make him lose his appetite for all of those things because he unwillingly makes some sick/gruesome comparison of those things to the man's fat. That's kind of the point of all those little images you loved so much. I could be wrong.

I liked it, I definately identify with it, great job.

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Drivin' in my Cadillac Rock Box

Jiieden

Thanks to both of you for at least trying to think things out; and Sigg has the right of it. Gohn7, be careful not to read things too literally; obviously a man cannot roll down a sidewalk immorally. But it still makes a kind of sense, if you start thinking a little more symbolically - he is not literally rolling either! They are both meant to suggest certain characteristics about the man; neither should be taken literally.

As for your interpretations, well, they're largely correct. I'm not really sure why I wrote the piece, but Sigg has stated fairly clearly the meanings I imbued it with.
Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback - thankyou both so much for taking the time!