tomo_the_third

When you fall through a hole in the floor a number of things rush through you're mind;

1. Lord! The floor beneath me seems to have given way under the pressure emitted from my body!

2. Oh oh!

3. Can you smell lemons?

4. Who are you talking to?

5. Your not talking, your thinking.

6. O.

It is around this time that most people suddenly stop falling, usually because they've hit the bottom of what they fell into or rarely because they have the ability to defy the laws of gravity. The latter, if lucky enough, will float to the surface of the hole in through which they fell, make their escape and pretend the incident never occurred. The unfortunate individual who doesnt have the pleasantries of gravity defying abilities will have landed, probably in an undignified position, at the bottom of the spontaneous crevasse through which they fell.

Now the average person will probably not have had such an experience or have heard of such an incident and so will not know what in Earth I am talking about. Notice I said “in Earth”? Let me explain...

Sometime last century, in the centre of the Earth, a very important meeting was taking place. Mr Dolalee and his colleagues Gilbert and Henry were discussing the fate of the Muffin People and there seemed to be only one option; they must escape. After all, they were trapped in the centre of the Earth which is not a particularly nice place to be trapped.

The Muffin People have often wondered why they are imprisoned in the centre of the Earth and in fact, nobody knows why. Some, however, have speculated it is because they once attempted to kidnap the British Prime Minister using a thick piece of rope.

Mr Dolalee stroked his long, spindly beard and sighed. Gilbert rammed a finger in his left ear, extracted and examined the contents, then shoved it back in. Henry was unconscious. It had been three years since the Muffin People had elected them as their leaders and asked them to find a solution to their predicament. For those three years, the three of them had sat at a conference table, trying to think of a way out.

And then, like a flash of lightning spontaneously sparks, the dull tungsten light blew a fuse and the room was plunged into darkness. In the sudden confusion associated with such an event it is well known that people react in different ways. Some stay calm, some panic and a few don’t actually notice. It is a similar case with Muffin People and this was represented by the three leaders.

Mr Dolalee began repeating, “Stay calm, don’t panic!” in an increasingly panicked voice. Henry of course didn’t notice. Gilbert went wild. As soon as his eyes detected the room was dark he launched himself off his chair screaming. His arms thrashed about and he began to flounder on the floor like a hooked fish. Three hours later the situation was quite similar except Gilbert’s scream had dulled to a soft squeal and Mr Dolalee had established a firm rhythm. Henry remained unconscious.

“I’ve fixed it!” Called the engineer through the door just as the light flickered on and restored visibility to the room.

Gilbert brushed himself down and returned to his seat and Mr Dolalee finally shut up. It was then in a moment of spontaneity and sleepy observation that Henry awoke from his deep slumber and announced his idea to the room.

The first thing his blurry eyes had focused on was Gilbert’s cup of tea, knocked over by a flailing arm. The hot tea had burnt through a massive chunk of the table leaving a ghastly hole. The image weaved its way through the absurd mechanics of Henry’s mind, finally striking a lever which turned some cogs, pressed a button and rolled up a small Persian rug.

“Were going to burn through the Earth.” He whispered.

Gilbert’s eyes went wide, Mr Dolalee eyes went wider.

Three weeks later, the Muffin People had produced a large vat of piping hot tea and the escape began.

Quite unexpectedly (to the people of Earth) 300 million rather wide holes began appearing over the globe. Eyewitnesses claimed to have seen a strange brown liquid gurgling through a crack in the floor before it suddenly exploded open. What happened next was quite possibly amazing and quite possibly ridiculous. As the tide of red hot tea ebbed away, small, muffin-shaped creatures began to leap from the holes with shouts of joy and relief. It was shortly before their feet touched the ground and shortly before they’d finished their second shout of “Hoorah!” when the creatures randomly dissolved and completely disappeared from view. Sometimes you just can’t win.

thinstep

lordy lordy, if your puns and tongue-in-cheek comments are so subtle or obtuse that you have to explain them, please dont use them.

i did like the absurdist characters, and wanted to see gilbert being disgusting more aften and mr. dolalee being ineffectual

also, i don't see what purpose the couple of paragraphs before the "what in earth bit" have to do with anything, since there isn't any falling going on in the rest of the story. rather than adding any arbitrary falling, i'd just take it out altogether; it doesn't really sound like it's part of this story

LoneWolf

Haha I liked this. The ending was very clever...though I didn't totally get how tea could burn through a table and the earth...oh well, it was cool. Also, I didn't get why the first little part was there. Granted, it was a nice intro, but I couldn't really relate it to the rest of the story.

earth= Earth
your=you're (in the first part)

stroke=stroked

Always write numbers out, especially if they are below 100 (I think) and at the beginning of a sentence.

I dunno, is it spelled like that in England...?

Overall, nice story. Humorous and clever. Nice job and thanks for the read!

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Sigg

Hah, I liked it. It was ridiculous without being too ridiculous I thought, which made it pretty enjoyable and humorous. One edit tho

lighting = lightning

otherwise, very nice. Extremely original and well written.

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