Playt

I will start with the first, and if I get enough feedback, I will post the second. There are ten altogether.

Wicked Thought #1: Evil Lysandus's Existance

Lysandus: Once when I layed down and thought about my life, stories came into my thoughts and I could do nothing but think. After a while the thoughts stopped making sense. The world started moving fast and the sounds of my thoughts grew louder. I stopped thinking in full sentences and just kept repeating the same half phrase. Over and over it repeated. Then I thought of nothing and my skull fealt like it wanted to leave it's jail cell of skin. Soon the pain grew stronger and it fealt like there might be a tumor in my head. My head started pumping like it was a ticking-time bomb, and then...


Dirrinni: Oh my God!!! I think.... I think he's dead.


Orsidium: Nah dude, he can't be dead, he's laying right there..... Oh wait a second. My bad, he is dead. What's wrong with his head.... Maybe we should do something ....He doesn't look normal.

the world fades

Lysandus: As the memories faded, only blackness took over. Soon I could feel my spirit being dragged somewhere, carried by the demons that had collapsed my skull. They brought me to a place of fire. There were many lost souls there, and I fought against it. I barely escaped from the evil grip they held over me, and I began running. The sites that I saw drove me slowly insane as I ran. I don't know where I ran, or for how long, but I could hear the demons talking in my head as I did. Their rage grew and their voices increased as my mind was ripped apart by their wicked thoughts. Then, as some kind of miricale, I saw nothing, fealt nothing, and thought nothing. The world once again faded away.


Evil Lysandus: When I woke up I was somehow in my bed at home, but I was not the same person. I fealt strange and changed. The thoughts in my head were similar to those of the demons, my brain had been overrun with them. I didn't seem to mind them anymore though. I started to understand the thoughts, and they comforted me. I fealt some strange power inside of me, and it seemed to be growing. The thoughts seemed to get louder and more feirce, but I didn't care anymore. I enjoyed those voices. I looked into the mirror and saw the new me. In my eyes there were flames and my body seemed to be glowing as if it were constantly on fire. Call it evil if you must, but I think I will enjoy sharing my wicked thoughts with you.

__________________

Sigg

WTF is this?

__________________
Drivin' in my Cadillac Rock Box

Dark_AngelXX

Eh... strange...

Playt

Yes. The first one is like that on purpose. It will be explained later.

Wicked Thought #2: The First Victim

As I walked down the streets after my transformation I began to stare at the innocent people walking down the streets. I noticed that I could read their thoughts, and I immediately knew what kind of person they were. I saw through them. I saw their whole lives, from their supposedly miraculous birth, right down to their innevitable fates. I knew every evil deed they had ever committed, every wicked thought they ever had. I saw flashes of murderous thoughts, blood dripping from their supposed best friend's body parts. In all that, I saw potential. I also noticed they were all staring at me, because by this time I was smiling ear to ear, and perhaps laughing a little under my breath. They may have never followed through with these thoughts, but I knew that if I ripped out their sanities and placed them in a grave, all meaning of life would be lost to them. All their hopes of salvation by some higher entity, would be demolished. I easily picked out my first victim.

This was a man that had been through a lot of horrible events. Over many years of mental abuse, his brain had been erased of any emotion. His life now was a daily routine of work, paranoia, and sleep. He had no room for love, because his heart was already filled with hate for everyone. In fact he hated his self, he hated his life. I followed behind him, as I easily melted into a shadow while everyone else was too busy with their pitiful lives to notice. I flowed with the wind behind him as he walked up to the front doors of his (much hated) job. He worked for the Thacker's Law Firm, where he daily would confront people that he knew were guilty of their crimes. He would take their side and proove beyond a doubt that they were in fact innocent. He would bend and twist the truth, making a new truth for everyone to believe. He was very meticulous about every little detail, and he would even make himself believe that they did nothing wrong. In the end the truth wouldn't matter, because he would get his money, he would live to go to work the next day.

I followed him to his fancy car, and went behind him into his luxurious home. I walked with him past the maid as he gave her his coat and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Once alone with him I showed myself. I got in his face and I fealt his fear as his heart sank to the floor. I placed my hands over his face as he tried to squirm away into the corner of his big bedroom. I found his last strand of sanity deep in his mind and snapped it in two. He stopped squirming and only stared in the distance. Then he moved his eyes and met mine. He saw my soul and smiled. I melted away from his vision and only left the feeling of my glooves on his face. He thanked me and stood up.

The man immediately grabbed his gun and box of bullets. Then he went downstairs and shot his maid in the head twice and laughed out loud. He went outside and the first person he saw, he shot dead. After that, he just walked down the street, shooting who he could see, reloading his gun, and laughing a horribly dreadful chuckle. He walked slowly, and acted normal until he was within shooting distance, and killed. He never stopped, even when the cops showed up and told him to drop his weapon. He raised the gun and got off one last shot before every officer began firing on him. The last shot hit the sherriff in the center of the head, and they both fell at the same time. Even while he layed there dying he never stopped laughing. Nobody could hear him through the shots being fired, but I knew he was laughing.

End of Wicked Thought

__________________

Chris Miller

You might want to take a look at the verb, "lie." It is rarely used correctly.

__________________
the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

revelation_22-20

He has a point.

__________________

thinstep

sort of beats you over the head with darkness, doesn't it?
(not in a good way)

edit: this is inspired by insane clown posse lyrics, isn't it?

Playt

what do you mean? Because I didn't wait for more feedback? I won't post anymore then man.

thinstep, I suppose it was, because I listened to a lot of ICP around the time I wrote this, but there's a bigger story surrounding it. A lot of people I had showed these diaries to tended to like the Evil ones better than the other two, Lysandus and Playt.

BTW, if anyone wants to read the rest it's here, along with the other two sets of diaries. Sorry for the "lie".

__________________

elmo jackson

PlayT,

I view Wicked Thought #2: The First Victim as a form of writing known as stream of consciousness. Beyond that I don’t know. Writing without to much thought for plot, or characterization and just getting in on paper can be a very beneficial toward creating a story. This in its current form is not really a story in my opinion. It has some moments in it, but could use some work.

You need to pay attention to all the fundamental elements of creating a short story: plot, characterization, setting, etc …, and then weave it all together into a cohesive understandable whole.

I think if you step back from this and take a second look you’ll find lots of room for improvement. Some dialogue would help greatly as would setting the scene and creating a conflict to be resolved.

Thanks for posting,

Elmo Jackson

RoseStemThorns_AraNorren

Add this very wicked thing to it: if its going to be wicked. Make it wicked. Add something like the following to it

Note wrote in first person, and no IVE NEVER DONE THIS, Im not that crazy.

Note Gory:

I injected the paralyzing drug, and waited. Then I started to remove the spine, with no anesthesia, and with a dull scalpel. 1000 exceedingly painful cuts and 1000 screams, then, the spine was gun. He was shaking from the extreme pain and the wearing of the paralyzing serum, I injected more of it. Then I began to sharpen his spine, slowly, he head the sound of his own spine grinding against a metal sharpening machine. He was unable to move. Then I began to stab him to death, with his own spine. Again, and again, and again his blood poured out. Then, to end his pain a punctured his neck artery and he drowned in his own blood.

Fin.

Thats wicked. Your story isn't that wicked.

__________________
-Don't fear what you see, fear what you do not.
-Live by the sword, die by the arrow.
-A weapon is a key, when you attack some one with it, it unlocks their death.

Playt

Thank you both for your comment, but I can tell that neither of you have read my last post where I posted the link to the rest of the storyline.

It will answer your question Elmo, because if you read the whole thing you will see how it develops, and you will be able to see the big picture more clearly.

And RoseStem, it will quench your thirst for wickedness. I do have to apologize ahead of time, because a woman named Rose is one of his victims.
I also didn't see your paragraph very wicked, I've heard much worse, but I do appreciate the input.

__________________