Alter Ego, Part 1 - Writers Forum

colvin11 · 01-12-2006, 01:01 PM

Hmm, interesting, but I'll have to see more before I can make a meaningful comment. I'm thinking this is going to be serious, but I could feel a hint of a set up for a joke at the end there

davidray · 01-12-2006, 11:33 PM

Sigg · 01-13-2006, 06:51 AM

Well so far I'm rather interested, but I really don't want to make too much commentary until I read more. This is a very good beginning to a story though, you have established a very realistic main character.

Chris Miller · 01-13-2006, 09:53 AM

Hey davidray,

You have a very clean, patient writing style that doesn’t distract at all from your most believable story, a story which I personally find a little scary. I would suggest you use white space to separate paragraphs for screen reading, and use italics instead of underlines.

But I’m pretty caught up in this, not because of what might have happened to Alex, but in the tragic character of Agnes. I’m interested in seeing what happens to her. Even though I’m a skinny guy, I relate to her like crazy.

Only a couple trivial edits if you care:

“Agnes’s telephone rang. The ringer was loud and sharp, and it startled here.”
Agnes’
ringer=ring
here=her

“That’s not the issues…”
issue

Chris

Wyndstar · 01-13-2006, 10:39 AM

Okay, you've got me hooked. Agnes is annoying, but I really want to see what happens next.

davidray · 01-13-2006, 11:08 PM

Okay, now I'm really having a lot of fun. I'll post part three soon.

colvin11 · 01-14-2006, 11:34 AM

I'm beginning to wonder about the title now. 'Alter Ego', is alex agnes, hmm the thicken plots

never mind, don't tell me. a good story, and you've got me hooked,

davidray · 01-15-2006, 09:13 AM

Sorry, part two should have ended here. Cut you short (it was already rather long...)

colvin11 · 01-16-2006, 11:13 AM

stop releasing it bit by bit you tease!

I have to say I don't normally like this kind of story, especially when its long, but this is a very good, (and perhaps worrying as we're taliking over a internet forum, Hmmmmmmm)
All I can say is hurry up with the next bit

davidray · 01-16-2006, 05:48 PM

Okay, here's part four. Just so you know, this is a 10,000 word story, so there will be at least two more parts after this.

character1_Caitlin · 01-16-2006, 10:07 PM

I read your parts, cool. I did not see it until today. I also worry about my internet use at work being watched sometimes.

Breaks between paragraphs would help for easier reading.

davidray · 01-16-2006, 11:29 PM

I've had a few formatting comments. I know that it's hard to read and I appreciate the time it takes to do so, as well as the encouraging comments. Unfortunately, pasting a manuscript into a web box doesn't work very well and I don't really have the time to edit all 42 pages to look better. I'm really sorry though that it makes it harder to read. If anyone has any good tips about how to make MS Word save a manuscript in a web-readable way I'd appreciate it.

Thanks! Dave

Jimbob · 01-17-2006, 01:59 AM

If this is going to work out like I think it is, the title pretty much gives it away.

character1_Caitlin · 01-17-2006, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davidray

I've had a few formatting comments. I know that it's hard to read and I appreciate the time it takes to do so, as well as the encouraging comments. Unfortunately, pasting a manuscript into a web box doesn't work very well and I don't really have the time to edit all 42 pages to look better. I'm really sorry though that it makes it harder to read. If anyone has any good tips about how to make MS Word save a manuscript in a web-readable way I'd appreciate it.

Thanks! Dave

Your right about that it would not be easy. I have only posted up shorter pieces so adding the line breaks between paragraphs was easier. It would be nice if there was an edit screen that allowed for a straight paste function. perhaps remove the formating from MS Word other application and keep it as text perhaps.

Its still a good story.