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Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 7
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A Better Way to Burn. (First post, would appreciate hearing your thoughts, thanks).
The smoke was blown slowly away from the small speck of orange. The stars above provided countless numbers of shining objects, but only the small orange globe could be seen in the sea of darkness enveloping the dock. The embers slowly burned away at the packed leaves and paper as Steve’s cigarette burned itself away towards its filter.
The tip gave off a faint glow, casting a light sheen on Steve’s coat as it burned its way along. Even though it appeared to be going slow, Steve felt that the cigarette was burning away much faster then it should, or rather, much faster than he would have liked it to.
“What an apt description of life”, he thought. A small item is burned up with a living flame. It appears slow from one perspective, but from user’s view, it is much faster then it should be, or once again, faster then he or she thinks it should be. Then it burns down to the filter, a final judgment, where the good is filtered from the bad. But by then, who cares, the burning life is gone, why worry about the filter? A single moment of life is so wonderful… so…fragile. What a waste to spend it worrying about the future, or for that matter, the past?
With this thought, Steve took one last look at the small white and gold cylinder between his thumb and forefinger and then tossed it, unfinished, into the harbor. The soft waves enveloped it immediately, extinguishing the flame instantaneously. Steve chuckled at the sight, how quickly it could end, before the burning even reached its limit. That issue alone brought up a whole new plethora of options. Steve laughed out loud to himself this time, “what a question life is”.
Looking up, he stared at the stars in the sky. Nothing put things in perspective for Steve better then simply gazing at the heavenly bodies. Pondering the vast universe and reckoning his small existence within it. Every small speck formed what a star much bigger and grander then Steve could imagine appeared like in a time so long ago that Steve could hardly imagine it. They looked like cigarettes in the hands of some beings, like millions of immortals were sitting there, with cigarettes in hand, pondering the earth. Next to the stars his problems would be non-existent. He was too old to belief in immortals, but even if there was life out there, his problems would just be an unimaginable event on a distant, unimaginable speck to them.
Why worry about anything in this small existence? When one really, truly sits down and thinks about it, every person’s whole existence is so ephemeral. And when compared to that, their petty problems are non-existent. Why tie himself down to anything? Why follow any rules or expectations? Just live life free, journey out to explore the stars. And if you can’t reach the actual stars, explore the ones within your reach. You burn quick and then you’re gone, might as well use the glow, even if it’s faint, to explore the darkness around you.
Smiling to himself, Steve pulled his black overcoat around his body. Its black fabric hardly contrasted with his smooth, blue suit. The coat was open and his shirt’s top button was undone as always, letting the chilly ocean air blow down his body. Turning around and sighing, Steve started walking back from the starlight to the electric. His black dress boots echoed off the dock, sending faint sounds splashing off of the water and into the approaching buildings.
The faint orange glow of the neon bar light over his head reminded him of his thoughts. If he was going to burn down to the filter, he would make the most of it. Let the filter be damned, judgment may come one day but Steve had made up his mind. Steve was dubious of the existence of any perfect being that ran and/or cared for the universe anyways. Furthermore, he believed that even if their was one, the chances of his values aligning with the current values, derived from a religion who worshipped this so-called perfect being, would be slim. But either way, Steve didn’t care. What did it matter anyways?
He was going to infringe on their values anyways, so why not transgress them? In the end, even if his new life didn’t work out at all, even if it turned into nothing more than a brand new path to death, it would be better. He was falling to his end already. All life was for him was a controlled and regulated burn to the filter. Forces outside his control were sucking on his existence, pulling his flame closer and closer to the filter. It was only a matter of time before his all too short of a life burned away. If nothing… if nothing at all changed, Steve would at least find a better way to burn.
He had spent his whole adult life fighting for what people told him was right. Now, he was sick of it. Who defined right? What made a police chief as corrupt as the crime lords he brought to justice able to define what was right or wrong? For the first time in his life, Steve was going to actually live his life for himself. He was going to discover what defined right and wrong for him. He was going to find the truth for himself, instead of letting others define truth for him.
Turning back, he took one last look at the Police badge he had been given at his the end of his training. Beside it was his handsome collection of pins accumulated from ten years of enforcing other people’s values. He took one last glimpse at them and then, with all his might, he chucked them towards the unmerciful tide. Turning around and continuing down the cobblestone street, Steve never even heard a splash. His old life was behind him and before him…who could say? Nothing certain, that was for sure, nothing at all. And Steve couldn’t imagine a better feeling.
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