The Black Garter - Writers Forum

Wyndstar · 01-02-2006, 06:53 PM

I was so impressed with how LoneWolf was doing her one story, pieces at a time--she seemed to put such detail and keep everyone hanging nicely, even though she should be posting the next part about NOW, (gee, critiquing someone eles in my own post) that I thought I should try it. I'll be updating this though about every other day though.

The Black Garter

Andris Ryan was 43 now, declared the church alderman, and he went on to say that it was time for her to join the church matron's society.

"But I still have natural cleavage!" she countered passionately.

Her husband shifted nervously, as if his pants were suddenly pinching his crotch.

"And I won't be 43 until next week." Andris concluded.

She knew what she said would bother the congregation, but damn it, she wasn't ready to be shelved just because the twins were off at college, and she was no longer in mommy mode.

In retaliation, Andris' birthday was ignored, and her husband chose that week to go on a business meeting.

Not everyone disregarded Andris’ birthday, however.

The black garter, and the appointment for the photo session came the next day.

No, the garter wasn't a gag gift, or a dime store item used by caricature old biddies to hold up worn hose. This garter was artistically and meticulously crafted. It was made of the highest quality silks and lace.

The garter was a glossy black and so soft, just putting it on would be an experience.

The card, written in a silky hand, said to bring the garter with her to her appointment.

There was no name on the card, and the handwriting was unfamiliar to Andris.

"So," she sighed, gingerly folding the garter and placing it back inside it's box "Let's find out if this is going to be an adventure worth the time."

Andris got out of her car, and couldn't help but grin.

The studio was called The Black Garter...

gohn67 · 01-02-2006, 08:33 PM

Well the title is called The Black Garter, so it must be important. I wonder what though.

Andris is a middle-aged woman doesn't seem to want join some Church Matron society. What's that? She also has twins, which I found interesting for some reason. She seems to be reluctant to shift roles on the basis of how this society in this story works.

Wonder what happens next?

Chris Miller · 01-02-2006, 09:55 PM

43 seems a little young to be looking over the hill. Hope she finds a nice secular encounter. What has her role in the church been until now? Why? How's her love life?

Quote:

"But I still have natural cleavage!" she countered passionately.

This is funny. I think it would be even funnier if she just "said" it though.

Quote:

"And I won't be 43 until next week." Andris concluded.

I thought she was 43 "now"?
"week,"

Quote:

...she sighed, gingerly folding the garter and placing it back inside it's box "Let's..."

its
Why no period after "box"? You are very consistent in this.

Anyway, all minor niggles. Looking forward to seeing what happens to her and how she resolves her mundane life.

Chris

eggo · 01-02-2006, 10:01 PM

Nice Wyndy,

A woman battling against the cupboard. Not ready for cookie-making and dust. Any husband that leaves his wife on her birthday, deserves to wake up with a black garter tied around his neck.

Looking forward to more

Sock · 01-02-2006, 10:12 PM

Quite a good story! Andris reminds me of a yougher version of the character 'Ruth' from Six Feet Under if you watch that show.

character1_Caitlin · 01-03-2006, 12:06 AM

Hi there, just a short comment from me before I hit the sack.
/////
The Black Garter

Andris Ryan was 43 now, declared the church alderman, and he went on to say that it was time for her to join the church matron's society.
//////////////////

Before reading anything else, I asked who is he? the name of your main character does not give indication of the gender immediatly, I thought that Andris was the he as the name is unfamiliar to me.

Once I figured out who was who in the story I am interested in reading more. I can identify with her since we are of the same generation.

Sigg · 01-03-2006, 06:29 AM

dude! This reminds me of the one short story The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. It's so badass. Cool start to a story, don't neglect it though cus that'd be one bitch of a "cliffhanger"

Wyndstar · 01-03-2006, 09:08 AM

Well, that was a nice mixed bag of reactions.

Never watched 'Six Feet Under'. Is it anything like the Care Bears? (I have young kids--that's our realm of entertainment).

But Chris, at least my error is a consistant one--being a new year, you should have SOME thing to rely on, might as well be that.

Here you all go. Another day's update, so some questions get answered.

Caitlin, the alderman refers to Andris as a she, that means she's a girl...

Story
"You're Andris Ryan--welcome to The Black Garter. I'm Breck."

He was thick rimmed glasses, thin angles; awkward youth buried beneath unruly hair and baggy clothes. And yet, when he gazed at Andris, it was with eyes that saw beyond flesh and bone, and treated what he knew like it was fruit from the tree of knowledge.

This boy was something special.

"Hi." Andris smiled, offered a hand "Nice to meet you."

She kept the garter in the box.

"My uncle will be with you in a bit." The young man told her, opening a curtain behind him "In the meantime, my mom and aunt will help you get ready."

"I'm Siyera, child." introduced the one dressed in flowing black, burgundy, and jingling silver "And this gliding ghost of victoriana is my sister Lorelei."

"Magnificent." Andris murmured of the two older women, covering her mouth when she realized that she'd said it aloud.

"Not to worry dear." Lorelei smiled graciously, taking Andris' hand "It's actually a refreshing thing to hear someone speak their heart. Now come along." she bade, drawing Andris along.

And suddenly, as they passed through the curtain, Andris wasn't so sure that the same Andris would be coming back out...
***
Behind the curtain, there were no hard edges, and no harsh sounds. The lighting was like diffused candle light, but considering how everything was covered in silks and satins, Avery didn't know how that would be possible without the place going up in smoke.

This was like a soft cocoon, layered and defined by veils of color so sheer, so surreal, they could only have existed in dreams--but there they were, right before her eyes.

There were no solid boundaries here either, Avery noticed. Everything flowed into everything else flawlessly. It took some concentration to note when things began altering themselves into a new surrounding, a new theme.

It was absolutely incredible.

It was absolutely like dreaming.

"We were told it was your birthday dear." Siyera mentioned, as they ended in a room draped with different fabrics near an elegant chaise lounge by a table.

On the table was a bottle of champagne and a pair of glasses.

Lorelei poured some, the sparkling liquid accentuating the graceful movement of hands that looked as if they were painstakingly carved out of porcelain.
It was incredibly hypnotic.

Avery took the glass without question.

"My son, Erik, will be your photographer." Lorelei informed, gesturing Avery to sit "While we wait, we'll explain the proceedings."

It was actually quite simple; the photographer would direct Avery's poses. There would be no time limit; her session was blocked for the entire day. The entire session would be in that room. There would be no one else in the room during the session but Avery and the photographer...

"...What about wardrobe?" Avery asked in conclusion.

Siyera gestured to the various drapes of material...

"...And, what we sent you."

It meant that Avery was to be nicely naked!

Except, of course, for the black garter...

Chris Miller · 01-03-2006, 10:29 AM

Hi Wyndstar,

You’re making a lot of promises here: e.g. to provide a motivation for the B.G. people, and for A. as well. The way she just goes along with things makes her either really open minded, or just malleable and wishy-washy, kind of depressed even.

I think I’d like this story even more told from deep inside her head and perspective.

Can’t wait to see her naked!

Some edits:

Quote:

He was thick rimmed glasses,…

He was?

Quote:

And yet, when he gazed at Andris, it was with eyes that saw beyond flesh and bone, and treated what he knew like it was fruit from the tree of knowledge.

Difficult and very detached POV. Also pretty telling. Nice simile, but cliché concept.

Quote:

"Hi." Andris smiled, offered a hand "Nice to meet you."

sb. "Hi," Andris smiled, offering a hand. "Nice to meet you."
But okay, no more comments on your quote tag punctuation. I will learn to love it. Because it’s you. Maybe we can even get the rules changed.

Quote:

It meant that Avery was to be nearly naked!

Except, of course, for the black garter...

It makes more sense without the “nearly.”

Wyndstar · 01-03-2006, 10:45 AM

Chris

That was supposed to be 'nicely' rather than nearly. Since you're willing to change the laws of grammar for me, the least I can do is fix that for you

character1_Caitlin · 01-03-2006, 11:23 AM

/////////
Andris Ryan was 43 now, declared the church aldermen
///////

You need to have the " " then if the aldermen spoke those words, I thought I was reading narration not dialogue and that is what confused me.

I am at work but will read the next installment when I get home.

Wyndstar · 01-03-2006, 12:06 PM

Okay, I've just been informed I won't be near a computer tomorrow, and I'm not goofing around the hand held except for emails, so I'll load tomorrow's installment today.

The Black Garter

Andris drained her glass in practically one swallow.

She considered what the women told her about her wardrobe, and admittedly, the only part that really fazed her was that it hadn’t been on the brochure.

Being that Andris had no inhibitions about her body, quite liking who and what she was (lately just to spite her husband and the community's growing expectations of her), adding to the brochure that the photo shop was about the ‘whole body experience’ would have drawn her, even if the session weren’t already free.

"Alright." she acknowledged without protest to the surprise "But I want these pictures in my hand--no one else." With a grimace, she added "I at least want time to come to grips with what time has become of me, before I threaten to hack into the congregation website and post them if they try to force me into the matron's society again."

"Phah!" Siyera declared in disdain "I'm older than you, and I don't even belong in that cache of women determined as useless because they can't reproduce."

"Or they put you there, contained, to waste away because they think you're dangerous." Lorelei suggested knowingly "Are you dangerous, Andris Ryan?"

"I suppose so, if they're afraid of the fact that my brain is still connected to my mouth. That," she added wryly "And the fact that I put red wine and real peppers in my chili. Farting seems pretty damn dangerous to that lot." she added thoughtfully.

And then suddenly, there was a new feel, a new presence to the room.

"Now there's something refreshing;" that presence declared "A woman who takes herself with the same grain of salt she cooks with."

Andris' photographer had finally arrived, and about going naked, she really, really, started having some doubts!
***
"Erik, right? The photographer I'm posing for?"

The man with black hair graying in a lightning bolt at the top of his head, a camera in his left hand, smiled at Andris, offering her his right.

"If you're Andris Ryan, then I'm that lucky man--mom," He called Siyera over "Just a bit of make up here please. She's fair enough that the flash would wash her out..."

By Andris' second glass of champagne, the older women had her made up, stripped down, and wrapped in a film of autumn red gauze.

Erik approached her with the garter.

"If I may?"

For a moment, Andris hesitated.

Not during the whole of their marriage had Andris' husband been this intimate. They had had a courthouse wedding, no honeymoon. No flowers or sexy lingerie; they were a waste of money were her husband's thoughts, and Andris eventually gave way to it, since they did nothing to spark the man anyway. As time went on, Andris' husband found intimacy with his wife, aside the traditional role, somewhat of an encumbrance; her personality was too individual for him, and so distanced himself from it little by little.

Eventually, Andris found herself alone in her personal space, wishing there was someone that might find their way there.

And here somebody was; a handsome, talented someone that was quite fetching, even if she was just a job he had to do.

So, after very little inner deliberation, Andris told him; "You may, only if you want to."

He smiled as she brushed aside gauze.

He languidly slid the garter up to her thigh, never naught but the touch of satin on flesh.

Siyera and Lorelei had vanished.

The photo session had begun...
***

semtecks · 01-03-2006, 04:01 PM

hello wyndstar.

i read the comments before I read the story, and saw that someone reckoned the main char, Andris, was like the mother character from Six Feet. I disagree, the Six feet char would have joined the matron society without so much as a peep, while Andris seems much more fiery.

It'll be interesting to see what happens next, I got a bit confused at the end. I think andris crossed over to somewhere else, or into someone else. The black garter has mystical powers maybe ...

semtecks · 01-03-2006, 04:06 PM

lol. looks like section three came up just after I posted my section two bit.

01-03-2006, 09:27 PM

okay, just dropped in to let you know i'm caught up and eagerly awaiting the next installment.

i'm going to wait to critique until i read more.

alright with that?

jen