Ghost of Kindness - Writers Forum

cellardoor · 12-31-2005, 12:34 AM

I leaned against the bus stop sign and checked my watch. 9:42. I always arrived on time, and the bus always arrived late. I checked the schedule online, and the bus was supposed to get here at 9:42. How can it be late when there’s never anyone on it when I get on? The passengers can’t all get on and off just at the stops before mine. I sighed, and watched the fog of my breath dissipate into the air.

A young man walked up to me and leaned on the other side of the sign. I stood up straight. The kid had on jeans and a black long sleeve t-shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, and I could see that he had the word “purple” written on the inside of his left forearm in purple ink. He was flicking a lighter absent-mindedly, never letting it actually light, just sparking it. He scratched his head and I saw that he wore blue tinted glasses, but it was hard to see them through his shaggy brown hair. I pulled my coat tighter around me and stared straight ahead, at the town's only coffee shop. What was he doing out here in the winter with no coat?

“Tits,” he said, his voice low and long, stretching the words “tits” out into a line of poetry. I jerked my head towards him, startled, then turned straight ahead again. He was looking across the street, into the small, leafy alley behind the coffee shop.

“Hey, man,” he nudged my arm. “Tits.” He flicked the lighter.

“I’m sorry?” I said, after a moment’s hesitation. Why do the stoners always have to talk to me?

He looked fiercely up into my face, searching for something. “What did you do?”

“What?”

“What are you apologizing for? Did you hurt someone?” He spun the wheel on his lighter slowly, grinding the flint without actually letting it spark.

“Uh… no, I haven’t hurt anyone.”

“In how long?”

I shook my head and stared at the sky. “About… sixteen years.”

“That’s a lie.” I looked over at him. He was staring across the street again, at nothing. He turned his head towards me lazily, looking at me out of the corner of his right eye. “You’re lying.”

“How would you know if I was lying?” I began to grit my teeth. “You don’t even know who I am.”

He whistled a bit of something. Something old, something I had listened to on the radio as a kid. I couldn’t remember the name. He sighed. “Everybody is hurting someone all the time. Someone somewhere is hurting because of you, right now. You just don’t know it, or refuse to acknowledge it.”

“I’m sorry?”

“There you go, apologizing again. Why would you apologize so often if you haven't hurt anyone? You haven’t hurt me, yet, so you don’t need to apologize to me. You need to apologize to whoever you're hurting.”

I took a step away from the kid, who was still looking at me out of the corner of his eye. “Who are you, and where do you get all these ideas?”

He flicked his lighter three times and looked up at the sky. “You can call me the ghost of kindness. Even though I’m not the ghost of kindness, I’m just some kid. But that’s what you can call me. And you’re Steve McCellan.”

I tensed. “How do you know my name?”

He pointed down to my briefcase with his lighter. I sighed, relieved. My name was engraved in the black leather, near the handle. I could read it alright if I strained, but to the kid it would be upside-down and nearly invisible. “You’ve got sharp eyes, kid.”

He shrugged. “How come you didn’t ask me why I’m not wearing a coat? I know you thought about it, it was obvious from the way you pulled your coat around you, but why didn’t you ask me?”

I opened my mouth, but couldn’t think of a response. My shoulders hunched up. “I... I don’t know, I... don’t know you. I didn’t want to talk to you.”

He pocketed his lighter.“Are you glad you’re talking to me now?”

I pondered. “I think so.”

“Well, that’s a shame.”

My stomach dropped a few inches. “Why?”

“Here comes your bus.”

The bus pulled up, belching black smoke, brakes squealing. The doors opened with a clatter. I stepped onto the first step and looked back at the kid. “How come you aren’t wearing a coat?”

He grinned. “I smoked some pot before I talked to you, and my whole body feels like it’s in a furnace. It’s great.” He waved.

I stared at him for a few seconds, grinned, waved, and climbed onto the bus.

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check out the second story in this series- http://writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=52121

Raging_Hopeful · 12-31-2005, 01:25 PM

Haha, I like him. The "Ghost of Kindness" is a funny guy. I would suggest using the beginning to add some more concrete descriptions of the actual surroundings. It feels a little thrown together at the beginning and I think there needs to be a little more depth. But the dialogue is great and the ending is even better. Very good story!! Keep writing!!

bobothegoat · 01-01-2006, 02:25 AM

The "Ghost" is quite a character. I can imagine him clearly, and just love the image of him.

However, I think I agree that the setting seems like it's missing something. I don't really care if it's in Ohio, or in Washington, or whatever. I just feel it'd be nice to know if this is a bigger city or suburbia or something. I'm not sure how you'd go about revealing this, but if you could find a way to do it, I think it would really help me see the story.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

cellardoor · 01-01-2006, 06:09 PM

i should set that up
and i will
thanks

ross · 01-01-2006, 06:12 PM

Great ending. I loved it!

cellardoor · 01-02-2006, 01:18 AM

so, i reworked the beginning, what do you think?
and i wrote another story for the ghost of kindness. check that out if you please.

Sigg · 01-02-2006, 05:11 AM

haha, I'd like to know what kind of weed he had, cus i certainly dont feel warm when i smoke. Nice story though.

ross · 01-02-2006, 05:43 AM

This is really good too, although the other story has a slightly paranormal feel to it.
What you've done (in my opinion) is developed two strong characters. You could do a lot with this - it's got loads of potential.
Well done, I really liked it.

Wyndstar · 01-02-2006, 03:09 PM

I have to admit that despite the fact that I thought most people strung out on weed were hardly as observant as this kid, I appreciate that the 'spirit' wasn't some overused cliche of a sweet old lady or some normal sort of kid. This gave me the impression that it was in downtown London, it had that sharp sort of sublime sophisticated feel. The spirit was a very strong, confident char and I look forward to seeing more of him--

Oh look, wish granted!

semtecks · 01-02-2006, 03:44 PM

The spirit was a real solid character, he reminded me of Tyler Durden and lenny kravits combined into one.

When i started reading this i thought it was going to be a scrooge-esqe type story but you cut out pretty short. i was hoping for You gave these believable characters and then it didn't really go anywhere. An extension maybe?

cellardoor · 01-02-2006, 05:49 PM

raging and bobo- thanks, and i reworked the beginning, tried to slow it down somewhat.
ross- thanks, i love that ending too. and the character is pretty sweet, eh?
sigg- 30 of dank spread between four people, with a little chronic mixed in. my hands felt like they were on fire.
wyndstar- i know exactly what you mean, but for some reason things get a lot sharper sometimes. at least for me. and you got downtown london? i was trying to evoke small town on the edge of a big city. haha. i'll work on it.
semtecks- i wrote another episode! haha. what i'm gonna try to do with this series is how he affects people, from different points of view each time.
thanks everybody

ross · 01-02-2006, 05:59 PM

A series? Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like!

Sock · 01-02-2006, 09:08 PM

I found the story quite interesting. The spirit is a character which we never have the chance to come encounter with, but always hope to. He is sort of likeable by all but not in a way that is nauseating to those around him. He gives of a vibe of intelligence by questioning you with out seeming arrogant. The whole story seems to just flow in a very mellow way, just like the spirit. Atleast thats how I felt. All in all good work.

cellardoor · 01-02-2006, 09:17 PM

thanks

cellardoor · 01-03-2006, 05:07 PM

final draft!