Painful Memories - Writers Forum

Chris Miller · 12-30-2005, 11:44 AM

I remember the first sentence of a short story I wrote in grade 7. It went like this: "He was both mad and sad." Later, whoever “he” was blew up a garbage can in an alley with some M-80s and ran away—the end. I only remember this one because it was not selected by the teacher to be read aloud to the class, whereas this formula ghost story by my best friend, Ekkehardt, who was better than me at everything we ever tried except dropping acid, was. My mother thinks I’m wired “backwards” so that painful memories stand out instead of the other happy way around, like with most people.

For indeed, it’s hard to imagine a worse, grammatically correct first sentence: "He was both mad and sad.": a pronoun that has not been introduced; the puerile telling of emotions; it just screams, “Who cares?!” And I am embarrassed by it to this day.

Another early writing memory I have is of sitting at my father’s clunky Olivetti trying to type my first brilliant novel before I got too old to be considered a prodigy, and having trouble with right justification. The left margin was easy; just hit the carriage return; ka-chunk... ding. But I remember wondering how other authors managed to get their words to always line up on the right, for page after page of perfectly rectangular text. About ¾ of the way through each line, I would start strategizing to this end, planning phrasing, punctuation and vocabulary that would see, if not a whole word then at least a syllable (less a character) of one, ending on the same column as the last word in the line above (although I did not like to hyphenate on consecutive lines). This was tedious work and added a whole new dimension to my prose, and, like the dearth of synonyms for nipple, was instrumental in my failure to achieve early recognition for my work (which never exceeded four lines anyway).

semtecks · 12-30-2005, 11:57 AM

Chris ... I think you need help, mate.

Seriously though I'm haunted by a simialar event. I wrote a funny story about the unhygenic dinner ladies in the school canteen, the teacher read it out and the whole class busted a gut laughing; then the teacher made a huge fuss, showed it to all the other teachers. And every body thought I was a comic genius. Then I wrote a second story and got an F. An F!

She even made a tutting sound.

gohn67 · 12-30-2005, 02:14 PM

Ha, I liked this a lot, it's funny and also it brings back a lot of early childhood writing moments.

I remember in first grade every week the homework assignment was to write a story and then the teacher would "publish" the ones she liked, which was almost all of them, meaning if my story was picked I would have to do extra work creating a cover and adding illustrations and writing, reminds me a lot of selfpublishing scams.

And then one time there was this group of girls and they were looking at the "books" and they had a choice between my zany story about a person who travels back in time to fight dinosaurs or one about this rabbit a having teaparty. They chose the one about rabbits and I was devasted.

====

Btw, welcome back semtecks.

Wyndstar · 12-30-2005, 02:40 PM

Chris

I think what annoys me is that this is too short, but it's supposed to be. I like the meandering, casualness of it as I'm permitted to peek through the window of your life, and then it ends just as I get into an almost mediative mood about it. If it was meant to cause readers to identify with you, it works marvelously. It made me recall when I was 14. I'd typed out my first novel; it was 287 pages. Unfortunately, I had a two mile walk home and the temp dropped to at least 10 below. My hands froze and I couldn't hold the folder, and so the whole thing scattered to the four winds. I couldn't chase it, having to return to school because my hands were starting to turn and unlovely shade of gray and wouldn't move anymore. I didn't write again for another 3 years after that. Ah well.

semtecks · 12-30-2005, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Btw, welcome back semtecks.

Thanks, Gohn.

Chris Miller · 01-02-2006, 10:18 AM

Thanks for commenting on my little pre-blog excerpt. I was trying to illustrate how easy it is for me to focus on the wrong things when writing.

semtecks:
Yeah, I do. It’s true, it’s true. Boy would I like to read the story you got tutted on. Have you still got it? “…those who can’t, teach.”

Good to see you back.

gohn:
That’s hilarious, equating ECE writing experiences to self-publishing scams. Sorry about your cool dinosaur story losing out to some cheesy rabbit tea party one. There really is no accounting for taste. I’m thinking your guy could have been responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs maybe.

Wyndstar:
Nobody loses more work than you. Nobody! It’s like you have this curse or something. Okay, almost nobody. My step-daughter has lost two 450 page novels by not backing up her computer and never printing out. You’d almost think it’s intentional or something. I remember reading somewhere that Noah Webster’s wife once burned 4 years of his work (but have been unable to verify).

Wyndstar · 01-02-2006, 10:40 AM

I've never lost data because I didn't take precautions. I'm the most neurotic entity on the planet when it comes to that--but at work, I could just walk into a room and the data went poof. Think the secretary to the commander cried when I came in as she was reviewing the retirement bio I did for her on her own comp, the comp died, and her retirement bio did, too--along with the back up disc that vanished. We never did find it--and and that had been some if my best work.

TsuTseQ · 01-02-2006, 11:47 AM

Quote:

This was tedious work and added a whole new dimension to my prose, and, like the dearth of synonyms for nipple, was instrumental in my failure to achieve early recognition for my work (which never exceeded four lines anyway).

LOL. I have visions of a young boy, toungue rolling agonized somersaults across his lower lip, while his eyes jerk around, searching the keyboard, and his index fingers punch the black buttons in a slow, rythmless drumroll.

I know what I'm talking about. When I first returned to college, I didn't own a computer, so I typed all my essays on a 1926 Underwood. Then again, maybe you were a better typist than I was.

eggo · 01-02-2006, 11:49 AM

Hey Chris,

I never really wrote anything. I was always the lazy bastard with great ideas, but couldn't pull the trigger. I am envious of all of you that tried before and failed. I never even tried to do that.

For some reason i always told myself I would wrote when I got a computer. And then one day, as I was at the dump, someone left a computer by the huge dumpsters. It was a old clunky model, but I said "why not". I threw it in the back of my truck.

I plugged it in and discovered it was a dentists old computer. He hadn't wiped the drive before dumping it. After spending a few hours looking over people's dentistry records, I decided to write my first story.

It was about a regular guy who just happens to be a genius. Along the way he discovers a cure for cancer. Then i realized I had no printer, no internet and no way to get the story off the pc.

It's probably still on there today.

Thanks for sharing the memories Chris
Pete

BTW. Happy New Year to all!

ross · 01-02-2006, 12:49 PM

That was a nice piece Chris. I've really nothing to compare it to, to tell you the truth. I did a superb job of avoiding all things academic. I wonder if it shows to this day! *looks around with mock concern*

I could relate the story of the day my elder sister got stuck up a tree. She pleaded with me to find our mother; a large and brusque individual, who promptly poked her out of the tree. It only took one hasty poke of a wooden washing pole, aimed at my sister's stomach.
I don't remember my mother even waiting to see her land - it was washing day; busy busy busy!
No doubt we laughed all the way to casualty.

TsuTseQ · 01-02-2006, 12:55 PM

That explains many, many things about you Ross

oh yeah -- Happy New Year Eggo! Happy New Year everyone!

ross · 01-02-2006, 01:10 PM

hahah! Thanks - I think!

You don't know the half of it - a good thing no doubt!

TsuTseQ · 01-02-2006, 01:12 PM

Just a little psycho-analysis from your soiled friend

semtecks · 01-02-2006, 02:51 PM

I don't have the story that got tutted, chris. it was rubbish anyway. it involved a dog getting stung to death by killer bees.lol