None Shall Escape Part Two (Finally!) - Writers Forum

LoneWolf · 12-20-2005, 09:02 PM

Sorry it took me so long, everyone! First day of winter break so I could finally get it up here. Hope you like...(another part will be coming as well).

Ha! It seems as if I shall get the last word here, my dear, for the previous night I spoke with my father about a "very perplexing matter". He only kissed my brow lightly and asked what it was that bothered me so. Are you curious yet, dear man? Are you yet shaking in your boots? Well, I simply told Father that one gorgeous summer day a gentleman approached me and asked me about the height of the sun. When I looked into his eyes, it seemed as if all my troubles melted away. At this my father smiled ever so slightly, as if recalling something from his past. But I did not heed him; I simply continued forth.

I went on by saying that this pleasant gentleman took my hand ever so gently and asked if I would fancy a walk in the park, which I dutifully accepted. As the sun went down to its peaceful slumber he placed a soft gentle kiss upon my lips, and promised to see me in the morn'. Alas, the next afternoon what should I spy but this gentleman, prancing about with another maiden, kissing her as he had me!

Oh darling, how red my father became then! I continued by saying that this gentleman had told me how beautiful I was and how he was such a blessedly pure, honest man! Ha! I hope you do find this funny, as I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing so! Yet, my father was far from laughter, dear. His face became as red as a freshly killed chicken's blood, and I fancy I saw him shake a bit.

"Father," I asked cautiously, "Are you okay?"

But in a strained voice that barely escaped through his clenched teeth he simply asked from me the name of this man, and if I could provide it, the name of his mistress. So I dutifully handed over your name, love, and isn't it a wonderful thing that Nancy knows all about the village and who is married to whom? I simply asked her one short question and within minutes I had the name of your horrid wife on the tip on my tongue! Father kissed me again, yet I could see that he was no less angry, thanked me, and ran from the room.

I told you never to mess with someone of such status as me, for bad things can happen. Who knows what my father will do with such information? If I were you, I would prepare myself for the end...

CandieK · 12-21-2005, 12:43 PM

Hi Lonewolf,

Yet another teaser! But a pleasurable one, at that.

I don't think it was quite as good as the first, but it promises a dramatic ending.

I'm sure there will be hell to pay by the end of this glorious rant of hers! I love how she keeps saying 'my dear' and 'love'. So taunting.

I think you could make a dozen of these installements and I'd relish every one.

Good read hun

LoneWolf · 12-21-2005, 02:47 PM

Thanks, Candie! I do admit it, I kind of lost the feeling I had in the last one. I tried to keep it super dramatic, but it is missing something. I'll promise to try and pick it up in the next one. Ah, it's going to be a great ending hehehe...kind of gruesome, though!

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading! Who knows? Maybe one day I'll make this into a real novel or something...? Many thanks again!

gohn67 · 12-21-2005, 02:48 PM

Hey LW Supreme,
I enjoyed it. It read very smoothly. For some reason the style of the language is still really interesting to me and effective.

The story has a kind of humor to it also, that was cool, and I really enjoyed that.

Definitely look forward to more.

There were some minor spelling errors though.

apporached

gentlman

bcame

thorg

form

uch

LoneWolf · 12-22-2005, 06:57 PM

Thank you much, gohn. I find it kind of funny that you are so enamoured with the writing style. I'm glad you found the humor in this piece; is it so dramatic that it's funny, or is it just plain funny? Just wondering...

*hangs head* Ugh, spelling errors. I almost never make spelling errors...I'm gonna go hide for a while.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully there won't be such a delay with the next one. Thanks again!

LW 'preme

gohn67 · 12-23-2005, 04:12 AM

I guess it's a little of both.

Quote:

Alas, the next afternoon what should I spy but this gentleman, prancing about with another maiden, kissing her as he had me!

Like I found this part funny. It has to do with the somewhat sarcastic tone to the story, language ( like the use of "prancing"), and also just the situation is rather funny to me.

Quote:

Yet, my father was far from laughter, dear. His face became as red as a freshly killed chicken's blood, and I fancy I saw him shake a bit.

great and funny simile/metaphor here with the freshly killed chicken. My favorite part of the story. I thought that was great choice, very unexpected.

Wyndstar · 12-23-2005, 05:32 PM

Oh--I gotta go with gohn on this--the part about her father and the dead chicken--that was so eloquently (my fav word, can ya tell?) grisly! The portent on this part was more than on the first part, because now you have me wondering about what part her father will play, and just what he knows.

Please, don't take so long next time!

LoneWolf · 12-24-2005, 01:13 AM

Thanks, gohn. I like the freshly killed chicken thing too. Definitely my favorite part of the whole thing as well. I remembered that I kept saying he turned red as a tomato or some old, cliche thing, so I decided to go for something unexpected. I'm glad it worked.

Thank you, Wyndy! Yes, I can tell that eloquently is your favorite word hehe. I have the third part all written (handwritten) so I'm starting to type it up now. You'll be surprised...I just hope no one gets mad, since I'm kind focusing on the subject of hypocrisy...okay! Enough words and hints...I promise not to take so long this time. I'm glad you liked!

eggo · 12-25-2005, 10:16 PM

Hey Lw,

I see you are continuing with the Jane Austin. I liked it. The second part here was very smooth. Looking forward to the next part.

LoneWolf · 12-27-2005, 10:04 PM

Many thanks, eggo. The third part will be here soon.