yellowsnakepoet

I just started writing this this morning. I haven't edited it or anything. I would appreciate any opinions or advice on it.

“Mosessa Anne Lindley, get your butt down here!” My mother’s shrill voice broke into my reverie. I had been laying on my bed picturing myself and the crown prince of Jordan in various compromising positions, but I would have to settle for later.
“What, mama?” I was still half asleep. “What did I do this time?”
“Mosie,” she began, in a tone of voice that I knew meant trouble. “Did I or did I not tell you to send Mrs. Leery a card on her birthday? Girl, what happened? Did it get lost in the mail?”
“Oh, shoot.” I walked toward the door.
“Not so fast.” My mother stepped directly in my path. “Now Mosie, you know that poor woman has no children or grandchildren of her own. She gets lonely. Is it so much to ask that you remember to send her a card just to remind her that she’s not all alone in God’s world?” My mother gave a sigh.

gohn67

Hey Yellowsnakepoet,
It's a bit short and hard to get much from it storylinewise.
But from what I read I think you should continue.

It could use somemore detail in certain parts.

This could be stronger. It unnecessary telling. This would have more effect on me if you showed how she was half asleep. I'm not saying that you shouldn't tell, because you have to, but there are times where it's better tell and when it is better to show.

I kind of want to see this in more detail too. What kind of compromising situations?

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