The Uncontrollable Thought - Writers Forum

SweetSunshine · 11-16-2005, 03:55 AM

As she sat in front of her computer, early into the morning, she thought to herself, "Why would he just sign out like that without even saying anything?"

She kept thinking and thinking about it, "Why did he get such an urge when I did it? Only I did it by an accident. My computer restarted itself. The other difference is that I signed right back in so he wouldn't think anything of it."

She sat there and started to concentrate on why this was bothering her so much. "We were having a good, down to earth conversation, then he just signs out. I don't get it. The worst part is that I typed: Guess what? and was waiting for his reply. I waited and waited and he never replied. It kinda hurt cause I was gonna say, 'You make me so happy'."

She sat there in frustration thinking why he hadn't signed back in. She thought he must have signed out on purpose or else he would have.

"I was in the middle of a conversation with him and vammos, he's gone. Wouldn't he think that I'm sitting here wondering what the hell happened?" she thought.

But it was no use. No matter what she did, she wouldn't be able to understand the truth to her thoughts until the next time she's sitting on the compter and hears the cue that he, the one, has just signed in.

"So I have no choice. I'm gonna have to wait for him in order to get the answers I'm looking for! That's great. I get to go to sleep not knowing why he got off so abruptly. Worrying that maybe something bad has gone wrong. Please Hun be all right!" she tells him, only through God.

May her voice travel far and beyond so that his spirit hears her thoughts and lets him safely sign in the computer sometime soon, and let her know that everything's fine and that this whole thing has just been a misunderstanding.

SweetSunshine · 11-16-2005, 04:03 AM

I know this isn't a short story but I didn't know what category to put it under so I just chose this one. I like writing but don't know how. But besides that, I wanted to share a little something with others. I hope I did ok.

Sigg · 11-16-2005, 05:42 AM

Firstly, it was well written in the sense that I would have been able to read it easily if the font wasn't so weird.

It kept me interested because I actually know girls like this. The thing that always bothers me about them and while I was reading your piece was Why don't they use the damn phone?!!!!

I thought the thing seemed realistic and had me relating to it, until the part where she actually started worrying about his wellbeing for real. I mean if she honestly thought something had happened to him she would just call him, so that part kind of seemed off to me. But otherwise I liked it.

Ah well, it was different, and well done. Good job.

There is a book you might actually like, it's written entirely in the form of online conversations, which when most people see that they immediately turn their head in disgust. But unfortunately I completely forgot what it was called and who wrote it. If anyone knows what I'm talking about, help me out.

Anyways, keep on writing, you're off to a good start. The only way to learn is to do it.

Chris Miller · 11-16-2005, 08:44 AM

Hey SunShine,

Don't get fancy with the font and color. I had to cut and paste it into Word to fix and read it.

I really enjoyed it. Maybe because it reads like a true story. I'm thinking either the guy's parents yanked his chain or his computer crashed or something. I love the part you never got to tell him. A real e-tragedy. Reminds me of some of Dante's better stuff for the theme, only with a softer female perspective: love and life going virtual.

Quote:

I like writing but don't know how.

I basically disagree. What you don't know about writing can be easily taught. What you do know about it can't.

Wyndstar · 11-16-2005, 01:47 PM

In a way, this was sort of cute, if not a bit whiny--but that's simply the char and I think you portrayed that well. Its an interesting perspective on how other people deal with the net. Personally, I'd have just left a message and went to bed.

The font and color have GOT to go. It didn't make it more girly, just annoying.

SweetSunshine · 11-16-2005, 05:58 PM

Hey Maria! About the (bads gone wrong), I didn't spell check it and thats just the way I talk. Sorry! But your right it should be written in a more proper form if other viewers are reading it. And the pink. Sorry sweety but I like it. And your right you were pretty harsh and I would have appreciated it but only if I asked. Well, thanks for the time in which you spent reading and criticising me.

SweetSunshine · 11-16-2005, 06:01 PM

Hey Sigg. Thanks, I'm glad it was alright. And the thing about her not calling him was that he's an internet friend and she hasn't got his number. I hope you enjoyed it.

SweetSunshine · 11-16-2005, 06:12 PM

Hey Chris Miller! Thanks, alot. I appreciate someone who know's how to keep it short and sweet. I'll take in mind that thing about the font. I really like it and have no problem at all reading it but I guess others just don't as good of eyesite like me. Thanks again!

SweetSunshine · 11-16-2005, 06:15 PM

Hey Wyndstar! Thanks for the info. And the girl in the story has a very big heart and can't seem to control her emotions. She worries. And also, I wasn't trying to make it seem more girly with the font. I just really like it. Sorry!

Sigg · 11-16-2005, 09:45 PM

So then I said, "Next time you eat the cracker!"

R.J.T · 11-16-2005, 11:56 PM

I think the girl sounds very sweet, and her writing's not to bad either.
I don't know about the pink, I have mixed feelings on that.
Just so everyone knows "Sweetsunshine" is the girl that asked me to write her a poem, and that poem ended up being "Into the darkness, into the void".

SweetSunshine · 11-17-2005, 12:13 AM

Hey R.J.T(Keep it undacova)

Thanks for your comment and putting a good word in for me!

By the way peeps, R.J.T is awsome!