broken soul

yo dears,
here's da first artical i tried to write it was like a year ago . tell me what u think about it
thanks,
Nour

p.s don't mind the spelling n grammer mistakes hehe i'm not that good in english yet and i didn't even had the time to edit this peice of writing .. there u go

it's 900 words (i can't believe that it's that long )

I have this story of a girl who lived in an ordinary world .. she's different than any other girls i ever met in my life.. For she kinda lived a misrable life.. no one ever loved her in school .. well maybe coz she was living in a different socity since she wasn't really belong to the country she was living at .. any way each time anyone find out about where were she born or where does she really came from they start to tease her .. as a little girl she had nothing to do but to turn into her parents and consulation in school .. but they were all not really helpful for she always missed the feeling of being safe .. and although her mom really loved her she has been beating really hard by her father .. sometimes for a good reason and sometimes just to teach her a lesson or so .. times carrid on and our girl grow she's now in intermedate school.. moving to a new school made her think that she will meet different better girls but the truth was they are all the same .. and as they know where she really came from they also start teasing her... as a revange she had to steal !! she started to steal things from her classmate and never stopped she seems to enjoy it coz it was her only way to revange !!.. somehow and in this particular day her teacher finds out about her and unfurtunitly she had to punish her infront of her friends .. u can imagin how this can affect in a 12 years old girl .. so for the rest of her 4 years at this school no one trusted her and they were all so mean to her and no one acually loved her!! ... despite the fact that she really loves her father he was still beating her.. maybe coz she was the elder of her siblings she should take the blame .. and again time has pass our girl now is in high school just when she thought that all her problem would be solved when she went to that new school in the area .. something came up .. the girls who used to study with her in the same old school are with her now and i think they are starting to gossip.. but as a lady she didn't act as she used to she just ignored them and try to search among all these girls of someone who's really nice .. someone who really doesn't care about her past .. she's a big lady now and she had learned from her mistake.. she never wanted to do the same mistake ever again .. so when she went to that school she was known by her kindness and hyperness.. she was the school road runner and she never hated any one .. even those who really hurted her in the past .. so she made it through her life .. her father is getting better coz i think that he finally realize that she's a big lady now and that she needs another kind of treatment.. it's the last year few days saperate from the graduation .. she wanted to became a doctor to help those in need..but ofcourse life is tough and sometimes what we wish for the most is what we lose .. she couldn't go to the univ coz she wasn't (.......) and becoz at the place were she's been living for almost her whole life forigner are not accepted .. she was shocked so her father presuded her to study in some local insttitue .. and althought she hated it she has to accept the offer coz there was no other choice and becoz of some circumstances her father had to leave work so he couldn't send her out!! so our girl spent 2 years in that insttitue she tried to enter this univ out side the country were she was living but they kicked her in areally far place so her mom got worried and didn't allowed her .. from here she stared to act diff she was more like a girl who hates to go out or hang out with any one coz all her friends got to college while she has to stay home .. but something good came out of it .. coz she spent her time reading and reading .. she red lot's of books on self helping which made her kinda wise for a girl in her age . i mean being 19 and understand much about life is something rare for a girl in our days .. coz everybody else is thinking of where to spend the night and what to ware for this party and so on .. she was only staying home with this power within .. the power of dream.. she never give up about anything .. at first she didn't really knew what she wanted to do in her life but as time passed she had a big image she want to have her own school one day and she want to become a writer coz she believes that one day she'll be able to help hundrend of broken souls living among us .. and teach them how to deal with life in a perfect way and how to overcome all the sadness within .. don't hate anyone or get angry .. always tell the ppl u love how much u care about them . life is short and bad ..if we know the right way to deal with it we'll have no problem at all .. remember that good will always be by ur side so pray much for him..

PamHKyle

You wrote it a year ago and haven't found the time to edit? LOL you must be a busy girl (I'm not being offensive, or at least, don't intend to be). I believe your story has potential, you definatly need to keep on writing.
Just a few remarks: drop the slang in the descriptive part. When you're characters aren't speaking, you should write in 'normal' English, it's nicer to read. And besides, a novel (or any story) isn't written in the language you chat online with. You also really need to adjust your interpunction (full stops, capitals, exclamation marks...) As for the spelling mistakes, I corrected several of them (in bold). I'm not that good at English myself, but I believe in learning from your mistakes and since this forum is for writers to help writers... I just couldn't resist. Hope you're not offended, regards Pam.
PS: I haven't adjusted the slang (coz, kinda...) because it's your style, but I think you really need to adjust. I wish you a lot of fun writing!

I have this story of a girl who lived in an ordinary world .. she's different than any other girl I ever met in my life.. For she kinda lived a miserable life : no one ever loved her in school .. well maybe coz she was living in a different society since she didn't really belong to the country she was living in.. Anyway, each time anyone found out about where she was born or where she really came from, they started to tease her .. as a little girl she had nothing to do but to turn to her parents and consultation at school .. but they were all not really helpful for she always missed the feeling of being safe .. and although her mom really loved her she has been beating really hard by her father .. sometimes for a good reason and sometimes just to teach her a lesson or so ..
Time carried on and our girl grew. She's now in intermedate school.. Moving to a new school made her think that she would meet different better girls but the truth was they are all the same ... and as they know where she really came from they also start teasing her... As a revenge she had to steal !! She started to steal things from her classmate and never stopped. She seemed to enjoy it coz it was her only way of revenge!!... And on this particular day, her teacher found out about her and unfortantely she had to punish her in front of her friends .. u can imagine how this affects a 12 years old girl .. So for the rest of her 4 years at this school no one trusted her and they were all so mean to her and no one actually loved her!! Despite the fact that she really loves her father, he was still beating her.. maybe coz she was the elder of her siblings, she should take the blame ..
And again time has passed. Our girl now is in high school. Just when she thought that all her problems would be solved by going to that new school in the area, something came up : the girls who used to study with her atthe same old school, were with her now and I think they are starting to gossip... But like a lady, she didn't react as she used to, she just ignored them and tried to search among all these girls someone who's really nice ... someone who really didn't care about her past. She's a big lady now and she had learned from her mistake.. she never wanted to make the same mistake ever again... So when she went to that school she was known by her kindness and hyperness. She was the school road runner and she never hated any one, even those who really hurted her in the past. So she made it through her life: her father is getting better coz I think that he finally realized that she's a big lady now and that she needs another kind of treatment.
It's the last year. Few days separate her from the graduation. She wanted to become a doctor to help those in need, but of course, life is tough and sometimes what we wish for the most is what we lose. She couldn't go to the university coz she wasn't (.......) and becoz at the place were she's been living for almost her whole life foreigners are not accepted. She was shocked, so her father pressed her to study in some local institue. And even though she hated it, she had to accept the offer, coz there was no other choice and becoz of some circumstances her father had to leave work, so he couldn't send her out!! So our girl spent 2 years in that institue. She tried to enter this university out side the country were she was living but they kicked her in a really far place so her mom got worried and didn't allow her .. from here she started to act different: she was more like a girl who hated to go out or hang out with anyone coz all her friends went to college while she had to stay home .. But something good came out of it .. coz she spent her time reading and reading .. she read lot's of books on self-helping which made her kinda wise for a girl in her age, I mean, being 19 and understand much about life is something rare for a girl in our days .. coz everybody else is thinking of where to spend the night and what to wear for this party and so on .. she was only staying home with this power within .. the power of a dream. She never gave up about anything. At first she didn't really know what she wanted to do in her life but as time passed, she had a big dream: she wanted to have her own school one day and she wanted to become a writer coz she believes that one day she'll be able to help hundreds of broken souls living among us .. and teach them how to deal with life in a perfect way and how to overcome all the sadness within .. don't hate anyone or get angry .. always tell the ppl u love how much u care about them . Life is short and bad ..if we know the right way to deal with it we'll have no problem at all .. remember that good will always be by ur side so pray much for him..