Graff

Deleted

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"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.

gohn67

Hey Graff,
That's what the poor guy gets for being a nice. He should blame himself for being compassionate, oh wait he's dead.

I liked it. At first I thought you were aiming at a twist in which the hunter is not human, and that he is instead hunting humans. Glad you didn't do that.

I liked the ending because he deserved it. I felt no remorse at all for this guy. He kind of reminded me of Elmer Fudd at times, how Elmer kind of tells the audience what's he's doing. "I'm hunting wabbit. Be wery wery silent." Or something like that.

I think you overused adverbs in this piece. I'd try to work rework some sentences without adverbs. It will make this strong piece a bit stronger I think.

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The Frowning Dog Blog

Graff

Thank you guys, I'm really glad you liked it

Gohn: Thank you, I agree with you on the adverb thing, I'm going to take some out where they aren't needed.

Maria: I like that this reminded you of a such a great book Thank you!

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"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.