One Cold Night... - Writers Forum

Mew_Riles · 11-05-2005, 12:38 AM

(This is really short)

I hadnt seen him in ages. His hair seemed snowy white, his frame smaller; his eyes seemed darker. I couldnt help but stare at him in the parking lot of Stater Bros, but I was very shocked. No one had ever made so numb to love and life as he had done two years ago. No one had lit my candle, left me aflame and blew me out without even a look of endearment. No one had lied to my face a week before, and no one had ever been engaged to me. But him. He was the one, but his quest for madness had been fullfilled and I was no longer needed in his realm of sanity.

He was smoking a ciggarette. As much as I hated the kiss of a ciggarette I would have traded my life to be that ciggarette. Just to touch his lips one more time.

He spotted me; his eyes flaming with the glow of loathing. My heart stopped beating with the love I once held for him, and quickly rushed with the pain, and hate I had now become accostomed to for men. Especially blonde men. For a long time we held eachother's gaze, each of us reflecting signs of childish rage. I moved towards him. I am a very immature person, and when the time arises to seek revenge and annoyance I'll take what little self respect I have and throw it away for one moment of happiness.
" Hello, Hodge." I smirked, trying to remain calm. He would not know the glory of basking in my pain any longer.
He took a drag from his poison stick.
" Well, well... Look who grew a set of balls." He mumbled.
" Yeah, I was thinking of donating them to you." I chidded. He glared at me.
" Go away Amy." He looked off into the rising moon. He always did when he was upset. The moon gave him comfort. " I don't want to hurt your feelings again."
" Nothing to burn." I leaned against the wall beside him. For a long time we said nothing.
" How's the slave thing going?" He finally asked. I was now looking at the moon. A habit I had adapted after time.
" Fine. Little buisness, being only seventeen and not goth anymore. Pretty hard to get invites to the 'clubs'." The "clubs" reffered to a secret underground vampire society held especially for Vampire Masters and Blood Mortals. It's invite only, and I was out of that loop. " How's the vampire thing?" I asked.
" Fine. Lot's of blood, pleanty of women willing to take their clothes off for you."
" If that's supposed to hurt, it didnt."
" If it didnt, why would you even bring up the thought of me wanting to hurt you?"
" Because that's what you do!"
" I didnt want to hurt you!"
He and I were off the wall, facing eachother like two rednecks caught in a domestic fight. His fists were raised, though I felt no threat from him.
" An e-mail? An E-MAIL HODGE? Did you actually think it was a gesture of friendship?"
He prepared to speak, his eyes filled with hot fury, but then he relaxed his shoulders, and fell against the wall. Almost like nothing had happened.
" Go home, Amy."
I sighed.
" I can't. My dad is buying soup, and you know that's a day trip. He'll be in there till it closes buying soups that we will never eat."
" Then I will." He pushed himself off the wall and walked down the asiles of the parking lot to the main street. I stood there watching him. I had lost all self respect I had, and I was not even remotely happy.I looked down at my ring on my finger. The same one I had worn while we were engaged. I rubbed my fingers over the black gem.
" Till we meet again...." I looked up at his figure moving through the shadows down the street. "Adam."

Ilan Bouchard · 11-06-2005, 11:30 PM

I was glad to see your grammar was correct, as far as I could tell, despite a few mistakes with semi-colons.

I'm not much for fantasy or sci-fi or such, so I can't comment on the content.
However, I was very confused as to who Adam was.

In either case, perhaps someone else with more vampire experience can shed light as to the story's content. I for one found nothing wrong with it, though nothing stood out either.

Mew_Riles · 11-07-2005, 09:18 PM

It wasnt really meant to be intended as sci-fi, Adam is a boy I dated, and was engaged to for a considerable amount of time. He thought he was a vampire. He broke up with me through an e-mail. It was a really random story, I know. I was feeling lazy and creative. Bad combination

wrelk · 11-07-2005, 09:33 PM

Whoa. Oddly enough that same thing happened to me.

Jeez, give a boy a sharp set of canine teeth...

Mew_Riles · 11-07-2005, 09:48 PM

Honestly, they all think they're vampires. The only person I ever believed to be a real vampire was a man I met at camp... he actually bit me, and god was it the best day of my life! Though he got maried and grew out of the vampire thing. Damn him...

Jimbob · 11-08-2005, 12:43 AM

It was probably the mention of snowy white hair, the mention of lies and the fact that it's approaching mid-November, but somehow, I was expecting this to turn out to be about Santa Claus

Mew_Riles · 11-08-2005, 02:06 AM

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! XDDD

marl · 11-09-2005, 08:33 AM

She's a masochist?

Mean · 11-09-2005, 08:44 AM

I really dug the dialogue. I have trouble writing it but you aactually made me believe there was a conversation going.

You had me up to the point where you used the word "redneck", but that's a personal beef I have with anybody who uses stereotypes (not that you were using the term in that manner). You see, I'm from Louisiana, which would make people automatically believe I fit any of several stereotypes, but I CAN read and write, I DID graduate high-school and attend college, I don't hit women, I'm not a racist, I don't eat boogers...and third cousins don't count.

BTW.....ciggarrette = cigarette

Mew_Riles · 11-09-2005, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mean

I really dug the dialogue. I have trouble writing it but you aactually made me believe there was a conversation going.

You had me up to the point where you used the word "redneck", but that's a personal beef I have with anybody who uses stereotypes (not that you were using the term in that manner). You see, I'm from Louisiana, which would make people automatically believe I fit any of several stereotypes, but I CAN read and write, I DID graduate high-school and attend college, I don't hit women, I'm not a racist, I don't eat boogers...and third cousins don't count.

BTW.....ciggarrette = cigarette

You see my definition of redneck is people who get in domestic fights in public, have little to no manners, and are idiots (not iliterate, just idiots.) I think rednecks come from all over the place, I'd never stereotype them as people just coming from the south. I know a lot of people from there who are more intellegent than californians.

Agh, you had to say boogers, I'm eating breakfast! > <;

Mew_Riles · 11-09-2005, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marl

She's a masochist?

Were you refering to me? Or, someone else? I'm confused.....

Mean · 11-10-2005, 02:00 PM

My comment was about half truth, half setup for the "third cousins don't count" thing

Mew_Riles · 11-10-2005, 04:15 PM

I was wondering about that comment.... ^ ^;