Halis:Combat Evolutionized (Halo Mockery) !!Rated M!! - Writers Forum

Morbidgod · 10-24-2005, 10:44 PM

This product was produced by Myself and Patrick Hogan a friend of mine. We'd like to see what you thought about Halis. warning: lots of Cursing,Story Contains Rude humor and very stupid minded violence, and President Bush.

Halis: Combat Evolutionized!

It’s war! The Govenant vs. The Huemons are in a huge war resulting of the Huemon race meddling in Govenant affairs. The war will depend on the outcome of the Huemon and Govenant population, and there is only one way to assure victory. The one thing that will end the war, and it is not on any side: The Masters of Chiefs!

The Masters of Chiefs isn’t a person, it’s an it…a Vyborg that is both half Govenant, and half Huemon, but the kidneys, we do not entirely know where they came from. This Vyborg was created by the Govenant for one purpose, and one purpose only, to destroy a group of triangles drifting in the outer universe, called Halis. Halis came from I don’t know where, they were just there for no apparent reason, and are units controlled by something calling itself The Lardicous, and Halis is used to control peace and non-violence to the galaxy, and it’s the Masters of Chiefs job to destroy it, because it isn’t on anyone’s side.

This is where our story begins…

“Sir, sir can you hear me?” says a Govenant officer. “At last, I thought I was never going to get those tattoos on you through your armor, but I somehow did. You were knocked unconscious for two hours while the process was being done, but I think you will be alright now.” The Masters of Chiefs got up, turned and took a tattoo gun from the table next to him and stuck it in the officer’s eye. Then he did a spin around kick and got it stuck deeper into the officer’s eye. “Thanks, have a nice day” he said. The Masters of Chiefs ran off through the hallway and found a couple of machine guns with very little ammo left in it. “These will do nicely…for now” he said with a low drawling voice. The Masters of Chiefs picked up the weapons and ammo and started to rampage through the Govenant headquarters, the White House. “Hmmm, I should go meet Captain Bush and blow his head off for the hell of it.” He said, “So I could have some sort of fun with a gun” he added in a low whisper. Upstairs the Masters of Chiefs went from the main chamber to an unguarded hall. “How strange, there are no guards in this hallway, so Captain Bush must be here.” With a silent chuckle, the Masters of Chiefs set off and picked a door at random. “And what have we got behind door number one?” he sarcastically asked himself while opening the door. There stood Captain Bush crouching low behind his desk. “How the hell do I get out of this stupid crouching position?” he yelled.

“Shut up you dumb bitch” said the Masters of Chiefs, grabbing Bush by the helmet. “Your sorry ass is gonna come with me to earth to blow it up and find the coordinates To Halis!”

“Uh…What’s a Halis?” Bush said with a crooked mouth.

The Masters of Chiefs slammed his head into Bush’s forehead, effectively knocking him unconscious. With bush strapped to his back he proceeded to the really large and unnecessary cannon room. The docking bays opened into deep deep space. In fact it was so deep that if you went out into it you’d drown.

Several Govenant officers were hanging the biggest cannon, chatting and having a smoke or two, and hell why not some vodka too, a whole case of it. They saw the Masters of Chiefs approaching and waved him over.

“Oh my god, their turncoats! I’ll have to engage in fatal combat with them. That will teach those damn heretics!” The Masters of Chiefs said aloud to himself, pulling out his deadly machine guns.

“What the hell is he doing?” Said one of the officers.

“I think he’s going to attack us?” Said another, taking a sip of vodka.

The Masters of Chiefs ran and did a double back flip through the air landing in a roll from which he leapt horizontally in front of the bewildered officers with guns pointed forward. “Die heretic scum” The Masters of Chiefs said through gritted teeth, opening fire upon the innocents. They were no match for the killing machine.

“This is it, the biggest cannon. It’s really big, I mean wow I thought it was going to be smaller than this. I mean who needs a cannon this big? Oh that’s right…I do.”

The Masters of Chiefs armed the cannon and began his ascent to the top of the thing, after all it was really big. The massive cannon tilted out of the massive bay doors, aiming strait for earth, where the Huemons live. It took several minutes to climb the huge cannon, but finally he reached the lip, dropping down inside the smooth metal tube. Suddenly The Masters of Chiefs slid down the hole, giving Mr. Bush quite a burning on the way down. But soon his painful screams stopped and The Masters of Chiefs was sent propelling in really really deep space, with Bush strapped to his back. He was going to deystroy earth, where all the Huemons live. And that would be bad for them.

As the masters of chiefs hurtled through space towards earth, bush somehow found a way to detach himself from the masters of chiefs. Captain Bush jumped from the master’s of chiefs and yelled, “ah ha ha! There is no stopping me now from escaping!” Fortunately for the master’s of chiefs, there was a asteroid a few yards away from bush’s backside. The asteroid, moving at 290 mph slammed into the Captains back, slicing him right in half. With his last few breathes, the upper half of the dying bush yelled, “you haven’t seen the last of me!” but little did he know that another asteroid was coming for Bush again, this time at 350 mph. Bush drifted around just in time to see the asteroid, “you’ve seen the last of me!” he corrected himself, right as the asteroid decapitated him.

Meanwhile, as the masters of chiefs flew through Earth’s atmosphere right for a military base located somewhere I do not know, a commanding huemon officer saw the masters of chiefs falling to the ground through his binoculars. “Code red, code red, unidentified falling piece of shit coming this way. Pilots, take this uf-pos down, pronto!” While two jets took off from the base, the masters of chiefs identified them as uf-pos as well and pulled out a rocket launcher. “Say hello to my huge friend, uf-pos bastards!” as he fired the rocket launcher. The rocket threw itself into one of the planes, exploding immediately. The pilot ejected from the plane just in time, and while he/she parachuted down, a small asteroid from space, falling at 500 mps, crashed into the pilot’s head, swiping it right off his shoulders, leaving one plane left.

The last plane circled around and began shooting and launching missiles at the masters of chiefs. The Vyborg threw a grenade at the plane and hit it right under the plane’s left wing. The explosion wasn’t very pretty at all, for the pilot exploded into a million pieces and blood hurtled to the ground, leaving the plane to fall towards the military base. “Holy fuck!” the commanding huemon officer, who he shall remain anonymously unknown, yelled. “Another uf-pos flying directly towards base. Code yellow, code yellow, I need to pee! Destroy the uf-pos NOW!!!” The plane crashed into the military base and everything the military owned was completely destroyed in a fiery explosion. “My work here is done…and it wasn’t even hard.” Said the masters of chiefs , as he hit the ground softly. “Man, these hover shoes work good…too bad the govenant weren’t here to see them work, ha ha.”

“We’ll that was fast. Now I must go to Area 69 and find the super secret location of the Hails triangles, or peace and non-violence will prevail through out the universe. And that’s bad because the damn things aren’t on anyone’s side.” The masters of Chiefs argued to himself.

“Don’t you try to talk me out of it, I’m going to do it”

“What did you call my mother!” The Masters of Chiefs yelled, throwing a punch into his face.

For along time the Vyborg fought with himself, for what reason I’m not real sure, but god it was funny. After finishing his inner battle the Masters of Chiefs looked up at the sky, and clapped his hand.

”Clap on!” He shouted as he was thrown into the sky, flying with his hover boots.

Then it looked behind saw a Fighter jet hot on his trail. The masters of chiefs took this opportunity to show off some deadly moves to the Huemons, so it headed higher into the clouds.

“Wow, I’m so high I can’t believe it! I feel so happy, everything is so beautiful.” The masters of chiefs said as he slowed his speed.

The fighter jet did a lot of un-necessary acrobatic bull shit and then leveled out the Masters of chiefs, who was only yards away. A Huemon was flying the jet, and that huemon had to die.

The huemon in the jet gave the masters of chiefs the finger and shot a nuclear missile at it. It stuck out its arm and dodged to the left, its arm catching hold of the missile. Once the masters of chiefs were speeding through the air with the missile, it swung its body around it, somehow rising to its feet. It was like riding a surf board, but more dangerous.

The jet opened fire on the Vyborg with its chicken guns, which shot whole frozen Chickens at its target. Taking evasive action the masters of Chiefs flipped around and headed straight on towards the jet.

(continued below)

Morbidgod · 10-24-2005, 10:47 PM

“Son of a btich!!!” Yelled the pilot.

The masters of chiefs stood on the windshield of the speeding jet. it held the massive rocket in it’s right hand.

The masters of chiefs extended the middle finger and slammed the rocket into the cockpit. The plane blew up in a massive explosion, which sent the Masters of Chiefs flying into a near by children’s hospital.

CRASH! The masters of chiefs crashed through the roof of the children’s hospital and landing in a pile of broken wood. A child poked his head out of the nearest door, wondering what would make such a noise. As soon as the child poked his head out of the door frame, his head got blown right off its shoulders and he fell to the floor. “Fucking children, sticking their noses into things they don’t understand. Glad I never was one.” The masters of chiefs said aloud. Ten minutes later, he left the children’s hospital with blood stains all over his armor, for he has massacred everyone in there.

After the whole escapade at the children’s hospital found out his hover boots of wonder were broken, so he continued his quest of finding area 69’s main control system and destroying Halis and Earth itself to end the huemon race. A few hours of running and walking through an unmerciful desert, the masters of chiefs found a fortress somewhere near the outskirts of Las Vegas. While the masters of chiefs was heading towards the fortress, a huemon general and his men drove out to meet it. “Sir, do you know you are in a restricted area? This is the fortress of area 69, and you are trespassing on huemon supreme territory.” General heckingourd said, pointing his smg400 at the masters of chiefs. “why, yes I know this, and I have come here for one purpose and one purpose only…to find area 69 so I can get the coordinates of halis and destroy it and the earth!” The masters of chiefs responded menacingly. “Well the only way to do that is to go through me.” The general threatened. “Ok, have it your way then.” And with that, the master of chiefs took out the rocket launcher, and aimed it at the general’s stomach. “SON OF A BITCH!” the general yelled before he was blasted to smithereens at the hands of the masters of chiefs. “Well, on to area 69, and no one will stop me now, or I shall slaughter anyone who dares to stand in my way,” said the masters of chiefs evilly.

When the masters of chiefs reached area 69 and slaughtered everyone in his way so he could reach the main control room. He discovered that Halis was orbiting Earth at whatever coordinates it’s orbiting in. He also found out that Halis was being controlled by a person with the power to making it rain four leaf clovers and spread pure sunshine for all eternity, a person calling itself the Lardicous. “Hmmm, the Lardicous,” the masters of chiefs said to himself. “nope, never even heard of the thing, or person, or whatever the hell it is.” The masters of chiefs soon began his quest, boarding an alien type ship named Fattonist, the masters of chiefs switched on the power of the ship and pulled up on the helm, reversing the ship and crashing into the wall, which fell to the ground, causing area 69 to crumble beneath the masters of chiefs wall breaking wrath! Fattonist made it out of the crumbling area 69 of course, why wouldn’t it, and flew up into space.

For some very odd reason, the asteroid carrying captain bush’s decapitated head suddenly fired a laser cannon at him. “What in the hell was that?” yelled the masters of chiefs. All of a sudden, the ships doors opened and a machine, bush’s head and his kidneys and a full metal body came aboard, but he was still crouching like before. “Aha, so you haven’t seen the last of me, like I said, and how in the fuck do I get out of this crouching position god damn it!” yelled the machine-bush. “Holy fuck, I thought you died!” The masters of chiefs yelled back. “Ah, but I didn’t, and now you shall die for trespassing into area 69, finding Halis’s coordinates, stealing Fattonist, and to top it all off, not knowing how to drive Fattonist and destroying area 69 while attempting to fucking take off!” retorted the machine-bush. “Well, it was an accident, and plus, Halis is a device used for spreading kindness thought the universe.” The masters of chiefs said. “You fool,” screamed machine-bush, “of course I knew that, why else would I be crouching? Halis’s power doesn’t effect anyone who is near the ground.” “Oh,” said the masters of chiefs, “well, can I still destroy it?” he asked. “Well duh you can, you need to destroy it by taking out the Lardicous and blowing Halis up, and no one is supposed to know it accept the Govenant and I.” As soon as that was said, machine-bush stood shocked at proving himself an idiot and said, “I mean, oops, you didn’t hear anything.” “But I did,” said the masters of chiefs, kicking machine-bush in the groins and opened an airlock, causing bush to fall out of the ship and into space once again. “You still haven’t seen the last of me!” yelled machine-bush back at him, but as he said that, he was sucked into a black hole, “you may have seen the last of me, but you won’t be able to destroy Halis! Oh wait, yes you will cause I was an idiot and told you how to do it, besides, my name isn’t bush, it’s i-like-bush, but I changed it so I could go to Harvard!”

Good thing I haven’t ran into any govenant ships, or I would be dead meat in this hunk of crap, thought the Masters of Chiefs. Suddenly the ship’s computer turned on.

“I detect Govenant ships approaching the Fattonist. I’m pretty sure their here to blow the shit out of us!”

The Masters of chiefs ran looked out the cockpit window, and sure enough was a fleet of 5 and ½ govenant battle ships.

“What am I to do?” asked the masters of chiefs.

“Take evasive action!” The computer suggested.

“Of Course!”

During this time the battle ships had been preparing to launch their highly destructive missiles at the Fattonist. As soon as the masters of chiefs spoke the words “Of Course!” a volley of missiles tore through space towards the Fattonist.

The masters of chiefs took this time to get the hell off the ship, with a kick and a jump the masters of chiefs went flying through the air lock of the ship. “Son of a Bitch!” the ship shouted right before being blown to tiny bits of space dust. The explosion propelled the Masters of Chiefs through not so deep space towards an enemy ship.

The Govenant officer inside waved happily to the Masters of Chiefs. It was Ernie his old war buddy. Ernie looked excited to see his old friend.
“Hey! Masters of Chiefs it’s me Ernie!” he shouted,
A confused look dawning on his face.

The masters of chiefs pulled out a chainsaw from somewhere behind him, and started the thing up. Ernie opened fire on his obviously confused friend, in response the masters of chiefs shoved the chainsaw through the glass into Ernie’s chest. The masters of chiefs jumped into the hole that he had carved.

“Oh, Ernie it’s good to see you again. Sorry its under these circumstances”.

“It’s…good…to see…you…too” Ernie Gurgled, pulling out a laser pistol.

The masters of chiefs threw Ernie out of the vessel into space, where he slowly floated away. Occasionally a laser would ricochet off the ship, but soon Ernie was gone. Now armed with a Govenant battle ship The Masters of Chiefs would have a chance against the other 4 and ½ ships.

“Viva Las Vegas….Bitchs” The masters of Chiefs Snarled.

Pulse cannons flew into the enemy ships, catching them on fire and what not. 2 of the ships accidentally flew into some fire and exploded,1 and ½ ships left to go. The masters of chiefs did some fancy flying followed by a loop-d-loop. The ship fired a few more bullets of the plasma Varity and sent another ship into a spiraling explosion. Now only the ½ of ship remained.

“ Masters of Chiefs, give up, this is your rival. The Chief of Masters, genetically enhanced to destroy you, you pathetic worm.”

No, could it be true? The Masters of Chiefs Quasi-Evil not quite twin brother, The Chief of Masters. The masters of Chiefs knew that one day this would come, and he would have to dispose of his pitiful brother, and his trademark ½ ship.

“I will not give up, I will destroy the Hails. And there will be a sequel you basted. I won’t let you shit and piss over my dreams, I’ll kill you first!.” The Masters of Chiefs Yelled, and charged towards his brother (In the ship of course. Otherwise it’d just be silly).

“Yes you will give up. Oh, wait your not. Fine, Then I too shall charge dramatically in your direction!” The Chiefs of Masters yelled.

The two ships charged at each other through space , tension building as they approached each other at break neck speeds. Closer and closer they came, and then right before they crashed into each other something really weird happened.

Suddenly robo-Bush appeared out of thin air, in a crouch position. The robo-Bush looked confused and bewildered to find himself in-between two ships hurtling towards each other.

“Who would of thunk it?” The robo-bush said right before he was horribly smashed between two Govenant battle ships.

(Even More to Come!)

Morbidgod · 10-25-2005, 08:15 PM

*Bump!* (Come on ppl, has anyone read this yet?)

slayerofangels · 10-26-2005, 08:11 AM

Holy crap. I reckon this makes a better animation than it does a story because its kinda hard to read. And even the worst of parodies has some sort of gap between the endless slagging and such.

Other than that? Rock on!

Morbidgod · 10-26-2005, 08:18 PM

(Continued from Above)

The sounds of blood splattering and bones crushing filled the air of space, and the chief of masters and the masters of chiefs had finally seen the last of bush, since there was no more of bush to use the power a machine, and it was the first time chief of masters actually saw bush. Right before the collision of the 1 ½ ships, the masters of chiefs pushed the ejection button and flew out into space for the second time in an hour. Unfortunately, the chief of masters didn’t have an escape plan, so he died in the fiery explosion and the machine-bush with him, so he was not lonely. It was then, however, that the masters of chiefs suddenly realized that the fight led him right to the coordinates of Halis itself. “Wow,” said the masters of chiefs simply awestruck. “That is one giant fucking triangular city.” The masters of chiefs drifted right to the heart of Halis, ready for action.

Finally, the masters of chiefs touched ground on the Halis city. The masters of chiefs now had to go through the city of Matropolis-Catropolis to find the Lardicous and blow up Halis. “Wow, this is going to be huge. Not just finding out where the fucking Lardicous is, but I have to blow this thing up as well. Damn, my work is never done,” said the masters of chiefs quietly to himself, so no one would be able to hear him. Five minutes later, the masters of chiefs found a local bar and stopped to think, which is hard for a mutated Vyborg. “Hmmm, maybe I can ask directions and see if anyone knows where I will find this Lardicous thingy.” The masters of chiefs drew closer to the bar, when all of a sudden the chief of masters flew down from the sky from another working pair of hover boots. “Ha, you thought you wouldn’t run into me again, think again, bitch!” the chief of masters said to the masters of chiefs. “True, I thought you were dead, but I must’ve been mistaken. For some reason, though, I am not programmed to make mistakes.” The masters of chiefs replied, jumping into the air and took out yet another rocket launcher, the masters of chiefs has many weapons that he pulls out of nowhere, and blew off the chief of masters head, making the chief of masters kneel, and his mutated corpse fell to the ground, finally dead. “Finally, that fucker was hard to kill, since he never fucking died.” The masters of chiefs sneered.

The masters of chiefs went into the bar and approached the bartender. “Excuse me, do you know where I can find the Lardicous?” he asked. “No, but there is someone in here that knows how to get there, but you’ll have to find him first.” The bartender replied with a hint of mockery in his voice. “Thanks.” The masters of chiefs said, moving along the tables, looking for someone who might know where the Lardicous is. After a few minutes of looking, the masters of chiefs suddenly saw a picture of a scarecrow hanging on the wall, and the scarecrow’s eyes were moving. “Can you talk?” asked the master of chiefs. “Of course I can fucking talk, what are you, retarded or something?” sneered the scarecrow. “sorry, I was just asking. By the way, do you know where I can find the Lardicous?” the masters of chiefs asked. “yes I do, but to find the almighty Lardicous, you will have to follow this red brick road, which starts at your feet.”

“Oh god damn it, everywhere I go there is an idiot telling me where to go, and when I get there, I can’t find one fucking clue to where I want to go,” whispered the masters of chiefs as he left the bar. The city was gigantic, and the red brick road led on as far as the eye could see. “Hmmm, better get going,” said the masters of chiefs. One hour later of walking the red brick road the masters of chiefs came to a fork in the road, and ran into it because he was looking down, and admiring the tile work of the road. He finally gained consciousness three hours later and dusk had fallen.

(Still more on it's way)

Morbidgod · 10-26-2005, 09:51 PM

(Continued from Above)

“Damn fork, who in the hell would put that there?” the masters of chiefs asked himself.

Suddenly, his question was answered, when some sort of creature fell from the sky. For some reason, he too, was wearing a pair of hover boots. “You ask why there is a fork in the road, well here is the answer…” said the creature. “Hold on, who are you, what are you, who moved the fucking rock?” snarled the master of chiefs. “I am Heleticia, from the Heleticians, and I am here to answer the question you asked,” answered Heleticia. “Proceed then,” ordered the master of chiefs. “The reason the fork is in the red brick road is because the almighty Lardicous wants everyone who walks on the road to be aware of the upcoming obstacles,” the Heletician said. “Wait, you know where to find the Lardicous?” asked the masters of chiefs quickly. “No, you fucking dumb ass, I never said I knew where to find the almighty Lardicous,” growled Heleticia. “Oh, but would you know where the Lardicous is if I give you five dollars?” bribed the masters of chiefs. “Hmmm, I suppose I do know where the almighty Lardicous is, since you want to make a deal if I told you,” answered the Heletician. “The almighty Lardicous is in the tallest tower of the ruby fortress five miles to the east. Now give me my cut of the deal.” The Heletician said. “Ok, here is your cut of the deal…” the masters of chiefs said sneakily, pulling out yet another rocket launcher and blowing the shit out of the poor Heletician, who didn’t know what was in store for him.

What a stupid being that heletician was, come all the way to answer a question how stupid. I’m glad I blew him up thought the Masters of Chiefs.

“Besides what kind of obstacles could….Obsticalize me anyway? I’m the Masters of Chiefs!” Said the Masters of Chiefs aloud to no one in particular, maybe he was talking to the fork.

Then there was violent earthquake, the red bricks jumbled beneath the Vyborg’s boots. Up ahead a part of the path rose high into the air, higher then he had ever seen anything, except that one time the Masters of Chiefs was really high. Anyways, the path turned into a dragon’s head that was coiling back at the Vyborg. It let out a loud roar, shaking the masters of Chiefs.

“What the hell? A giant Serpent?” Yelled the Masters of Chiefs.

“Well actually I’m supposed to be a dragon” the thing replied.

“Huh? Why in the hell would the Lardicous have a Giant red ‘Dragon’ ambush me? That’s pretty damn ridiculous. “The Masters of Chiefs asked.

“How should I know? I just came to life and this sudden urge to attack you. I don’t exactly know why?” The dragon said, pulling the rest of its body together.

“Well whose side are you on then?”

“I don’t know I was just born, what’s with all the questions?”

“I said whose Side are you on!” The Masters of Chiefs demanded.

“Well I guess I’m on nobody’s side then” Replied the dragon.

The masters of Chiefs gritted his teeth, which was hard to seen from underneath his helmet. He bent down in a crouched position and dramatically looked at the Dragon.

“Now what the hell are you doing?” asked the dragon.

“You said you are nobodies side, And the hails is on nobodies side. So that means your both on the same side, and now you must die.” The masters of chiefs declared.

He grabbed the fork from the middle of the road and held it like a sword. He then proceeded to charge the Dragon, with his sights aimed on his head. Just as the indicator turned red the masters of Chiefs pressed the fire button. He soared through the air fork outstretched in the Dragons direction. In a gory spray of blood and Entrails the Masters of chiefs exploded from the back of the dragon’s skull.

“The secret is to press the button as soon as it turns red, the faster the better” The masters of chiefs said, Pissing on the dragons corpse.

“Now that I took care of that it’s time to proceed to the Lardicous so I can kill the life out of him” The masters of chiefs said heading off to the ruby tower.

For a long time he walked, a longer time then he could ever imagine walking. For five whole minutes he walked onward. And then just as the sixth minute passed something caught the Masters of Chiefs robotic glass eye. It was really big and shiny and it took a long time to figure out what the thing was. It was in fact a really big obstacle coming towards the Masters of Chiefs, and when it caught him it was going to Obsticalize the fuck out of the Vyborg.

The masters of chiefs had to think quickly on how to avoid the obstacle, only if he hadn’t of slaughtered that one guy, he might have known. And then it stuck the Vyborg, like a baseball bat to the back of the head.

As the speeding Obstacle approached the masters of chiefs, he dropped his fork and spread his arms out to the side and raised one foot. I’m a Tree, I’m a tree the masters of chiefs thought to himself. The big obstacle rolled up right next to the Masters of Chiefs and stopped. It looked both ways but didn’t see anything.

“Have you seen someone called the masters of chiefs?” The obstacle asked the Tree before him.

“No I haven’t I’m a tree” Replied the Masters of Chiefs.

“Oh ok, sorry to bother you” The thing said and started to turn away, but before it could the masters of Chiefs make a lunging motion towards it.

“Booga boo!” Yelled the Masters of Chiefs.

“Oh my god!” The obstacle screamed before it blew up into a million tiny pieces.

“Well that takes care of that” Said the Masters of Chiefs dusting himself off.

(Still more on it's way)

death_comes_for_us_all · 10-26-2005, 11:49 PM

me and Morbidgod are the thinkers the halis...it was just a stupid thing we made up and now it is a story trilogy. go us

death_comes_for_us_all · 10-26-2005, 11:49 PM

slayerofangels · 10-27-2005, 04:25 AM

Yeah. *cheers unenthusiastically* I'm tryin to care here guys but I just don't think its worth the effort.

death_comes_for_us_all · 11-07-2005, 10:32 PM

(continued from above)

Right after the masters of chiefs dusted itself off, it set off again, taking the red brick road and headed east. “I wonder if there will be any more obstacles for me to face,” the masters of chiefs wondered. Right after he said that, the red brick road turned acid green, and rose up again and out popped a real tree, and it was a lemon tree, too. “Hmmm, I haven’t had lemons in such a long time, since I was mutated as a matter of fact,” the masters of chiefs said slyly. Looking around to see If anyone was watching him, the masters of chiefs took a lemon from the tree and began to eat it. “What the hell are you doing there?” said a voice. The masters of chiefs jumped and looked around, seeing no one around, he shrugged and took another bite out of the lemon. “I said what the hell are you doing, bucko,” said the same voice. The masters of chiefs looked around once again; still there was nobody in sight, so he yet took another bite of the lemon.

“What the fuck, are you retarded or something?” said the voice. This time, the masters of chiefs looked at the tree and realized that it was the one that spoke. “What the hell, you can talk?” he asked the tree. “Yes, I can fucking talk you idiot,” snarled the tree, looking at him. “What do you think you’re doing with that lemon?” he added with a menacing tone. “Umm, as I last recall, I was eating it,” answered the masters of chiefs. “Well, for eating the lemon, you now have to face the greatest challenge of you’re life,” the tree began, pointing behind it with its branches. The masters of chiefs looked behind the tree, and there stood a creature with horns all over it and scaly skin, with bumps and a spiked tail. The creature was very small indeed, no bigger than a turtle.

“Umm, what in the hell are you?” asked the masters of chiefs, looking at the creature. The creature took a deep breath a roared, “I am Turbot, hear me roar!” Then, the creature ran towards the masters of chiefs with its head down as if to spear him with the sharp horns. The masters of chiefs jumped out of the way, and the creature ran headlong into the tree. “Holy monkeys!” yelled the tree in severe pain. “Oops,” said Turbot in a scared voice. “I didn’t mean to, the Vyborg moved out of the way, which caused me to run into you.” The tree grabbed Turbot with a branch, and pulled the creature out of its ass. “I don’t give a shit for excuses, you son of a bitch!” and the tree threw Turbot with all its might and the creature went flying into the sky, landing a good thousand yards north.

“now then, since you didn’t beat the challenge, though the challenge did beat me, you shall give me that lemon back and be on your damn way,” said the tree, looking back at the masters of chiefs. “What, I worked hard for that fucking lemon,” replied the masters of chiefs, pulling the lemon away from the tree’s outstretched branch. “You fucking stole it from me to begin with,” snarled the tree. “So, I was hungry,” argued the masters of chiefs. “Give me the fucking lemon, or else,” the tree said, glaring at the masters of chiefs. “Or else, you say? Hmmm, ok,” the masters of chiefs said menacingly. The masters of chiefs took out another fucking rocket launcher, we told you that this Vyborg has many rocket launchers, and blew the tree to smithereens. Watching the tree blow up as if watching a 4th of July firework show, the masters of chiefs laughed evilly.

Another five hours of walking to red brick road, the masters of chiefs was able to see the ruby fortress in the distance, its tainted walls gleamed in the sunlight. The ruby tower was the highest tower of the fortress, and it was a very awful color too…PINK! “Wow, that is one huge tower, and it’s pink as well, that makes it worse,” the masters of chiefs said, while looking up at the fortress and tower. The masters of chiefs walked up to the front doors of the fortress and stared at the door knocker, which looked like a bush on a patch of lawn. Having a certain bad feeling about this, the masters of chiefs knocked on the door. “Hello,” the Vyborg called out. “Hello,” a voice answered on the other side of the door. “Is this the ruby fortress which is where I can find the Lardicous?” asked the masters of chiefs. “Last time I checked it certainly was the place,” the voice answered through the door. “Oh good then, will you let me in, for I must speak to the Lardicous,” the masters of chiefs said. “I can’t let you in unless you have the one thing that nobody else has…the Emerald Sniper Rifle,” said the voice in a weird sort of tone. “Umm, ok, and where might I find this so called Emerald Sniper Rifle?” the masters of chiefs asked, utterly bewildered. “You must get the Emerald Sniper Rifle from the wicked Shopkeeper of the east, and he lives two miles to the right,” answered the mysterious voice.

“I am sick of doing all this shit before blowing up halis,” whispered the masters of chiefs, walking away from the gleaming ruby fortress slash tower. The sun was setting behind him in the west and the sky was getting darker. “ Wow, I can’t believe I am doing this all in one fucking day,” the masters of chiefs said to himself walking up to the Shopkeepers evil lair. “Masters of chiefs,” said the eerie voice of the Shopkeeper. The masters of chiefs jumped at the sound of him, “Who, what the fuck are you?” he asked, his eyes widening. “I am the Shopkeeper, and I have been expecting you, Masters of Chiefs,” the misty voice replied. “The owner of the only thing known in this triangular system for getting into the ruby fortress slash tower , the Emerald Sniper Rifle,” he continued, his eyes flashing red. “Yeah, ok then. May I use the Emerald Sniper Rifle, for I must speak to the Lardicous?” the masters of chiefs asked. “First, you shall do one thing to prove you’re worthy enough of borrowing the Emerald Sniper Rifle,” the Shopkeeper walked out of the shadows, exposing his horrible burnt skin, boils covered everywhere. His face was even worse, broken teeth in the mouth and flies buzzing around his nose and bushy beard. “Answer only one question…” the shopkeeper went on, “Do you think I’m pretty?” The masters of chiefs looked at him, puzzled. “Umm, yeah, sure I guess so,” he answered, trying not to laugh. “Hmmm, you are hereby worthy of using the Emerald Sniper Rifle at any time,” the Shopkeeper said to the masters of chiefs. The Shopkeeper went to the back of the shop and came back with the Emerald Sniper Rifle in his arms. “Here you are, the Emerald Sniper Rifle, key to the ruby fortress slash tower, key to the Lardicous, and key to the triangular shape orbiting the universe known as Halis,” he said quietly. “Umm, thanks, I think,” the wierded out masters of chiefs said, taking the Emerald Sniper Rifle from the Shopkeepers arms and putting it somewhere behind his back, then took out a rocket launcher, yet again, and blew off the Shopkeepers head, blood splattering the walls. “Idiot,” the masters of chiefs added quietly.

Armed with the Emerald sniper rifle the masters of chiefs made his way back to the ruby fortress slash tower. It took him many minutes in which the masters of chiefs ran and jogged to the ruby fortress slash tower. When he arrived the masters of chiefs went to the closest hill and pulled out the Emerald Sniper Rifle.

“Knock, Knock” The masters of Chiefs yelled.

“Who’s there?” Said a voice from behind the door of the ruby fortress slash tower.

“It’s the Masters of Chiefs with an Emerald sniper rifle”

“Oh, good. I’m opening the doors now then to take a look. I’m too short to see through the peep-hole you know”

The doors flung open and a midget of a man appeared in the doorway. He looked just like one of those oompa-loompa fuckers, and The masters of chiefs hated those things.

“What the?” the little man gasped.

The Masters of chiefs aimed and pulled the trigger of the emerald sniper rifle. An unnecessary amount of bullets sprayed from the guns barrel, shredding the poor man to pieces like some kind of cheese. “Wow, that wasn’t very discrete for a sniper rifle,” thought the Masters of chiefs walking to the doors of the fortress.

The masters of Chiefs made his way through the doorway without trouble, which was good because he always had a problem with missing them. “Is any body home?” whispered the masters of chiefs.

“Yes, hello, I am home” Said another little man, very similar to the first one.

“Oh I see” Said the masters of chiefs pulling out his favorite rocket launcher and blowing the thing to bits.

“Now is anyone else home?” Asked the masters of Chiefs once more.

“Yes, Hello, I am home also” Said three more of the little mutants, stepping into the middle of the room.

“What the hell is up with you guys?” The masters of chiefs said, blowing them away four ways from Friday.

Soon the entire chamber was filled with the little freaks, all of them chanting “Yes, Hello, I am home also”. It was like a terrible nightmare, but worse because it was real. They swarmed into the middle of the room and started doing some more freaky stuff. Soon standing before the masters of chiefs was a giant little person, made of an assortment of smaller littler people.

“Ok this is some crazy shit. I mean I’ve seen some whacked out BS in my life, but this is probably the strangest, well besides me that is,” smirked the masters of chiefs, “Too bad these things don’t last very long”

“Ha, Ha, Ha. So you are the Masters of chiefs huh?” Said the Big little person. “I’m theLardicous, well I mean not this, but I control them from the highest room in the tallest tower, I mean not there. Anyway I’m going to kill you now, goodbye.”
The masters of chiefs laughed, and pulled out the emerald sniper rifle, and aimed it at the head of the strange beast.

“No, where did you get that? That’s the most powerful weapon that someone like you could get your hands on?”

“Yes isn’t it nice, now you must die, so I can kill you later” The masters of chiefs snarled.

The big little monster thing laughed as the masters of chiefs spat thousands of bullets at it.

As the bullets of the Emerald Sniper Rifle bounces off the big little monster, it just laughed. “Ah ha, my armor that mysteriously looks like skin is too tough for your pitiful green weapon,” he said, as he continued to laugh at the masters of chiefs. “I guess you’re right about that, but is your armor tough enough for one of my many rocket launchers?” asked the masters of chiefs, whipping out a rocket launcher from behind his back and shooting the little big monster.

“Hmmm, hopefully I will run into more of these guys so I can blow their heads off and make more blood splatter everywhere,” said the masters of chiefs, running towards the ruby doors and the entrance to the pink tower which conceals the evilly but somewhat very nice Lardicous. “This seems to be the only entrance to the pink tower, since they are the only doors in this place,” thought the masters of chiefs, opening the door. A blinding white light started to shine as he opened the door, and soon hypnotized the masters of chiefs into stepping through the door into an elevator. The masters of chiefs, though hypnotized, pushed the button that said “top floor, lardicous” and the elevator rocketed upwards.

(Still more is on the way)

death_comes_for_us_all · 11-07-2005, 10:32 PM

(more to come)