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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 10-07-2005, 03:20 PM   #1
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A Scene of Paradise

A naked moon filled the night sky with sliver light as the inhabitants of Nichon II made their way to the marble Temple of Justice. It was not mandatory to go every night but it was recommended that citizens attend as many meetings as possible so that you could place your vote. If you didn’t want to vote you could read about the decision in the next morning’s paper. The community of Nichon was very well organized, an attribute that they were very proud of. Tonight was the normal nightly meeting which would hold the normal proceedings.
The crowd sat in scattered clumps, groups of friends with similar interests liked to sit together to discuss the proceedings as they occurred. As the people filtered in through the three main doors a short play being preformed by several youth was being preformed on stage for the pre-meeting entertainment. It was a pleasant, light opera that had been very popular for a few months. The students were trying to gain more support for more school funds. The public was very generous towards the schools and the student did not need to fundraise but the teachers and parents thought that this community service would raise interest in young people in their local government. It was by the collective cooperation of all the citizens of Nichon that the society and community was so successful, a point very well stressed to the young students.
The opera ended and after a few minutes the council orators climbed onto the stage. There was not much ceremony to open the proceedings. There had been an opening ritual many years ago when the national anthem was sung and an abridged version of the code of ethics was read aloud before each evening meeting but it was voted that it was too much like the propaganda and other imperfects that plagued Nichon I.
Council members invited private citizens to begin discussion. It was the standard procedure to allow private citizens to suggest certain bills or to complain of communal problems during the first part of the meeting. The council members, who were voted to office by their superior discussion skills, would openly argue over which course of action would best alleviate the problem mentioned. Private citizens would either listen quietly or join in the discussion. After everyone had said their piece the entire assembly would vote and civil servants were given their instructions. A council member’s vote meant no more than any other citizen. Council members were always very careful to speak of what would be in the best interest of the people as they could be removed from their post at anytime. If any private citizen felt that a council member was abusing their power or overly ambitious he could request an inquest into that council member.
One woman requests that she be allowed half of the portion of her recently deceased father’s land that had been left explicitly to her brother in the father’s will. The council asks to see the will and reads it aloud to the assembly. The brother is called forward and is asked to give his part of the story. The brother claims that the woman had not inherited the land because there was an argument of a personal nature between the women and their father shortly before his death. The council discusses the different solutions to this problem which included giving the land to the women, not giving it to her, and allowing her monetary compensation for the land that she had asked for. The council members take into account that this woman already has 23 acres and by taking on this new property she would be threatening to hold over the limited 100 arches. The assembly votes to have a private hearing the following day so that the woman and her brother can present a proper case in front of a jury.
The meeting drew to a close shortly afterwards and the crowd dispersed. The clusters of friends said their good-byes and depart, each wishing the other a pleasant sleep and production the next day. The moon had not yet reached its zenith but, as the night sky was burning with millions of twinkling stars, it was easy to see that it was going to be a lovely night.
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Old 10-07-2005, 03:51 PM   #2
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re: paradise

Whenever Jehova's Witnesses come around trying to entice me into spending eternity with them and the Lord in Paradise, I tell them I would rather die. This story explains why.

Seriously, it is well written enough. It's just that I kept waiting for something to happen. It read like the calm before the storm (e.g. The Lottery), except there was no storm.

My kneekerk emotional reaction to it was some combination of "That's nice" and "So what?"
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Old 10-09-2005, 06:48 PM   #3
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I have to agree. Where is the action? Good writing, at times it seemed that you were forcing your words though. I enjoyed it, but now I'm sitting here trying to figure out the purpose. I'm new so feel free to just ignore me.
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Old 10-10-2005, 07:06 AM   #4
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Definately well written, and a good flow of words. I also would have to agree with the other replies; is this, maybe, just a piece of a larger work?
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