Talk of The Devil - Writers Forum

semtecks · 10-05-2005, 01:19 PM

Raik stared at the plain white envelope in front of him. He turned it over and looked at the simple return address on the back: The Devil, Bottom of The Pitt, Hell.

It had to be a joke, had to be. But . . .

He turned his mind back to THAT point in his life. A bad period indeed. He’d worn a lot of black, listened to a lot of Judas Priest, and incanted a lot of spells. He'd once gone far enough to make a sacrifice to The Dark Lord. A kitten he'd found on the street -- he'd sacrificed the black and white Tabby on a fresh grave at mid-night exactly -- the nightmares from that incident had been enough to make him stop. And of course, he'd sent the letters . . .

Now he was older, wiser. He had a job, a wife, a child, an ulcer and a dog. But there it was sitting on the kitchen table -- the devil had replied to one of his letters.

'No,' he said out loud. 'Some fucker's playing a joke on me, that's all.'

'What did you call me?' Mandy said. She was burning some bacon and eggs before she went off to her cleaning job.

'I was talking to myself, s'all.'

'Huh, makes sense,' she said, turning back to her smoking breakfast. 'Fucker indeed.'

Raik turned his attention back to the letter. He rubbed his lips with the back of his sleeve, and then tore open the envelope. There was a single sheet of pink paper that smelled of sulphur. Raik pulled it out and read it:

Mr Thompson,

The head of the organisation has considered your request with interest. Your offer has been accepted, under the demands you stated. Please forgive the lateness of this reply. You will get what you deserve, shortly. So, welcome to our organisation, we shake you warmly by the hand.

Your sinisterly,
Vice President of new admissions.

Raik read this simple paragraph over and over again, his lips forming the words. He wouldn't believe it, he would make himself not believe it. The cold sweat had broken out down his back anyway.

What did I ask for? he thought.

'Dunno, better to forget it.'

'Who are talking too?' Mandy asked. She had finished her burnt offerings and was about to go to work.

'Just thinking out loud,' Raik said.

'First sign of madness, that is --'

'Yeah, thanks. I needed a second opinion.'

Mandy reached over and touched the back of her hand to Raik's forehead. 'You awright, you don't look so good.'

Raik sighed. 'I'm not going to work today, I feel like hammered shit.' He stood up, threw the screwed up letter into the wastebasket. 'I'm going back to bed.'

***

For two weeks he went to work, slept, woke up, and went to work. He ate his wife's horrible cooking, listened to bad pop songs on the radio, and watched shitty movies. The letter never left his mind.

What had he asked for?

Probably riches, it's always riches.

What had he offered in return?

No need for him to answer that. The only thing the Devil was ever interested in was souls.

No matter how he tried to convince himself it was a joke, he couldn't. But there was still time. The devil hadn't fulfilled his part of the bargain . . . yet.

He would have to do it quickly.

***

Mandy Thompson was cooking scrambled eggs today. For some reason Raik hadn't come down to breakfast.

She sniggered.

Her little practical joke had worked, it seemed. The idea she'd had when she'd come across that little box full of letters in the attic had freaked her out at first, but then the idea had come like an arrow in the dark.

She'd tell him, she supposed. Now was a good a time as any. When he came down from the study for his breakfast she'd break the news.

'He's an awfully long time up there,' she said to herself.

***

Raik took the revolver out of the box and sat down heavily in the padded computer chair. He filled the chamber with bullets, spun it, and snapped it into place with a quick flick of his wrist.

'It's the only way to keep my soul,' he told himself, gently resting the muzzle of the gun against his temple. 'The only way . . .'

The small CD radio played on:

'Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of great taste and extensive wealth . . .'

He squeezed the trigger.

northerain · 10-05-2005, 01:25 PM

Sweet. I love stories like these, with the twist in the end paying off(much like a kick in the gut). Nice work mate.

semtecks · 10-05-2005, 01:30 PM

Wow. Fastest reply in history. Thanks for the encouragement, man.

northerain · 10-05-2005, 01:36 PM

Happens. :/
Only other comment on this, don't you think it's a little too simple? But I guess it depends on what you're aiming for. Coming from a supernatural horror background(read taste), I would probably have his wife BE the devil. But now that I'm thinking about it, your version is worse(in a good way.If you catch my drift).

colvin11 · 10-05-2005, 01:51 PM

nice. But I'd change the name, seems a bit too fantasyish, and I mean bad fantasy.

eggo · 10-05-2005, 01:55 PM

Hey semtecks,

Very nice twist here. Many directions for this one to go and you chose the one less traveled.

Quote:

A kitten he'd found on the street -- he'd sacrificed the black and white Tabby on a fresh grave at mid-night exactly -- the nightmares from that incident had been enough to make him stop.

Good pick. Everyone knows that cats are the devils agents on earth.

Quote:

'I was talking to myself, s'all.'

'Huh, makes sense,' she said, turning back to her smoking breakfast. 'Fucker indeed.'

nice

Quote:

There was a single sheet of pink paper that smelled of sulphur

.

inside?

Quote:

The cold sweat had broken out down his back anyway.

A cold sweat had broken out down his back anyway.

Nice story. On the bright side he won't have to taste her cooking anymore.

Thanks for the read.

semtecks · 10-05-2005, 05:10 PM

Thanks for commenting guys,

northerain,

Hmm, that's a good idea. It crossed my mind for a bit, but I decided this route would work better. Yeah, it's pretty simple cause i wanted it as short as possible. I did have this whole routine where he spends the week hearing the same song-- Sympathy for the Devil -- over and over again to drive him insane. But It just read so much smoother if I lost it.

Colvin,

It's just a working title till something better pops up. Can't see how you think it's fantasy-ish though. It's an old saying --"speak of the Devil and he shall appear". Not much to do with fantasy.

Eggo,

Eggo, eggo, eggo . . . I'm still reeling from your whale joke. lol

quote:Good pick. Everyone knows that cats are the devils agents on earth.

You're obviousley a dog person too.

Thanks for pointing out those edits. I did a good job of editing out most of them, but a few always slip through.

gohn67 · 10-05-2005, 06:49 PM

Hey Semtecks,
Nice twist. Defintely wasn't expecting that. I like how you set it up by showing the relationship of the wife and husband, so then when the wife reveal that she played a joke on him, it is not out of thin air. Nice story.

Quote:

Good pick. Everyone knows that cats are the devils agents on earth.

I agree. Cats are evil.

JeffNothing · 10-05-2005, 07:04 PM

I'm not grasping it here. At first I was confused by the smell of sulfur, but then I got the whole burning eggs thing. Almost caught me on that one.

But then the end with the CD radio, I didn't quite catch that.

I hate to say this, but an explanation would be nice.

P.S.

To all the cat haters out there...
Shuddup.

eggo · 10-06-2005, 03:41 PM

Quote:

But then the end with the CD radio, I didn't quite catch that.

The song that was playing was "Symphathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.

Quote:

To all the cat haters out there...
Shuddup.

There's nothing wrong with cats, as long as you use the right seasonings.

gohn67 · 10-06-2005, 03:44 PM

Quote:

There's nothing wrong with cats, as long as you use the right seasonings.

That cracked me up.

Wyndstar · 10-06-2005, 04:10 PM

This was some twisted karma sem, but apparently it goes with the saying that the devil gets its due.

But now I'm confused. I don't know whether to damn those folks in my present story to this story or the one you wrote about the vampire things.

Love that song, 'Sympathy for the Devil'--the new version of it isn't half bad, but Mick still does it to it best.

Hey sem, did you like, used to scare your siblings before going to be just for kicks? Or friends (in the event your concerned parents stopped at you)? Just curious...

semtecks · 10-06-2005, 04:42 PM

Thanks for commenting guys,

Gohn,

Thanks for commenting. I finally got you with one of my twists, huh? lol.

Eggo +Jeff

hehe i was wondering if anyone would notice the sneaky lyrics I put in.

Looks like I've started the age old debate: cats or dogs. Personally, i prefer cats for one reason. My sisters cat; the little bugger sat on my lap; i petted it; it re-payed me by digging its razor sharp claws into my groin. That's why i prefer dogs.

wyndstar,

quote:But now I'm confused. I don't know whether to damn those folks in my present story to this story or the one you wrote about the vampire things.

Huh?

Quote:Love that song, 'Sympathy for the Devil'--the new version of it isn't half bad, but Mick still does it to it best.

Damn straight. Some covers will never beat the originals.

quote:Hey sem, did you like, used to scare your siblings before going to be just for kicks? Or friends (in the event your concerned parents stopped at you)? Just curious...

Actually i did. I once stopped my litle sister sleeping for a month. I told her about mr tin opener. In case you don't know who that is i'll clue you up: he uses one of those opening keys you get with tins of Spam to peel your eyelids off if you don't go to sleep on time.lol. . . man, I need therapy . . .

xxndnromeoxx · 10-06-2005, 06:21 PM

Semteks, I LOVED that story. What an ending, in my language, I would say "shabash!" which means, well done or something to that extent. I love these sort of stories. You guys are simply amazing

LoneWolf · 10-06-2005, 07:00 PM

Daaammnnn. That's actually what I said at the end of this. lol...great story, the twist was awesome.

Quote:

Your sinisterly,
Vice President of new admissions.

This made me chuckle...one thing, though...should it be 'yours'?

Nice job, semtecks. And to add my 2 cents about cats...they are evil; they have claws that hurt.