JeffNothing

Thanks for the explanation on the lyrics.

Also, I have two criticisms for you:

1. He filled the revolver with bullets and I'm not sure what he intended on doing with the other ones, after he was dead .

2. With a last name like Thompson, the name Raik seems a little out of place.

__________________
There
Their
They're
Phew...I did it.

Chris Miller

The opening for this put me off. The devil is for me a much overworked metaphor/scapegoat. The letter made me think I was in for some strained humor and cheesy demonics Then I kind of skipped to the end and saw he commits suicide. I am also becoming ever more averse to stories where the prot offs himself at the end.

My mistake though. Wrong assumptions. This is an excellent story. I really enjoyed it. It works on a number of levels and it is very well written. What you have created is a very believable tale with an interesting twist. I was watching for the supernatural, and then the very natural jumped up and created something even more horrific. Or maybe the "devil" was at work afterall... Very neat!

Nice humor that doesn't interfere or distract (e.g. burnt offerings).

The ending surprised me (not the suicide because I peeked, but that his wife had sent the letter, which is the real surprise).

One of your best in my opinion.

__________________
the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

semtecks

Pratik,

Thaks for the Shabash, is that Punjab?

Lonewolf,

Thaaaanks. I totally missed that typo, thanjs for pointing it out.

I already had you figured as a dog person, your avatar and screen name are a give-away.

Jeff,

Good points.

If I was going to shoot myself I would want the the gun to go off first time i squezed the trigger. I woundn't want a one in six chance of it going off. Would be too much like russian roulette if it did.

chris,

I'm glad you liked it despite your initial misgivings. You're right, the devil is an overused scapegoat. That's why i thought it'd be funny if the prot was blaming this all on the devil, and then boom, what devil?

Thanks, once again. I wasn't sure about this one.

__________________
http://semtecks.bebo.com

xxndnromeoxx

I believe it's Hindi

__________________
My own style of writting, free of rules which restrain the soul of what it means to say. Break free and express...

Hawke

I love a story with a good twist. This was excellent! Thank you for posting it.

By the way, I'm a dog person.

__________________
Hawke's View ..

The Oddville Press
"Promoting today's geniuses and tomorrow's giants."
Click And Submit:

colvin11

Whe I said the name I meant the characters name, not the title should have said that better

__________________
Three men walk into a bar, one of them is a bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious envitability

semtecks

thanks Hawke.

Hey, Colvin. I see what your talking about. I have no idea why i called the guy Raik in the first.

wow. I think this story has more replies than any story I've ever posted

__________________
http://semtecks.bebo.com