Angelic Dreamer

[an:b79872458e]This is actually a novel I am currently working on here at home. I know it probably still needs alot of work. Chapter One. [/an:b79872458e]


It all started on a dark and stormy night…wait a second. Isn’t that how all of these stories seem to start?
In all actuality, I think not. My real story begins a decade ago; when I was ten years old. Surprisingly, that day was sunny, ending with a beautiful night filled with endless stars and a cool, gentle breeze. A perfect night for stargazing or camping out. My parents could not go out in the sunlight, much less even be near it, so the house always stayed dark-no matter the time of day.
They claimed they had a terrible sun allergy that caused them to be confined to the house except during the night. ‘Sun allergy’ was hardly the condition I would have called it, but it wouldn’t be until later that I would find out their true form, and discover mine…




Shylah Leyvee’s the name. Don’t wear it out. I hate doing introductions…
My life was marred when I was ten years old. As an innocent child, I didn’t know there was some sort of dangerous war going on. Vampires against Vampires. Why? I can’t explain that right now. That beautiful night, however, turned into a nightmare when a strange man in a dark cloak came into our home with two other men and murdered my parents.
I sat crouched in the hall closet, so shocked I could not bring myself to cry. I never saw the intruders’ faces, only their sharp fangs that ripped through my parents’ flesh. An hour later, the door opened to reveal a slightly pale man with long, black hair and crimson colored eyes. He looked to be not much older than my father had been, but to a ten-year-old child, anyone can be considered ‘old’. When he smiled, I saw his teeth. Sharp, deadly looking teeth that glistened in the moonlight…like the teeth I saw murder my parents just moments earlier.


I had the option to run or scream, but since the strange man was blocking my doorway, I chose to scream. A shrill, fright-filled scream that burned the depths of my small throat, while this stranger sat in front of me, remaining quiet and calm.
When my scream subsided, he looked down at me gently, yet stern.
“Come with me or you will die.” His words came out emotionless, then turned and walked away. In an odd sense, I felt intrigued as I continued sitting there, watching his black robes flow behind him gracefully as he walked towards the door. Compelled, I followed him, walking past my parents’ mutilated bodies, and out of the house with this stranger as if I were in some sort of trance.
I never really saw where the man was taking me, but somehow I knew there was no turning back.

The man, I soon found out, was named Cain Bosha. He told me of my parents being vampires…making me one as well. He called me a daywalker… a special breed of vampire that can live in sunlight. Looking back now, I see why my parents gave me a shot everyday. It wasn’t because they didn’t want me to become allergic to sunlight as they constantly told me; it was to keep me from craving blood-so I wouldn’t discover my true form until it was time to.




Overall, I’ve spent the last ten years of my life in Cain’s palace. Thinking he could trust me, he trained me in powerful martial arts and skilled weaponry-mostly with the sword. And over the years, he constantly ran tests on me, taking a little bit of blood here and there from me, trying to create some sort of new vampire. Of course, I get curious at times, so I spied on the creating of this new vampire just in case I need the information for future use. This creature was probably going to be like myself-withstanding sunlight-if not, more powerful. As far as I could tell, Cain even had future plans of making an army like this thing.

I’ve been wanting to escape Cain’s palace for years. After I had gotten out of my trance when he took me from my home, he explained things to me, and I’ve wanted to leave since. Somehow, I still didn’t believe everything he had told me. Something about him made me believe there was much more for me to learn. He was hiding something.

Allow me to tell you a bit of history I learned over the years in Cain’s palace. There are two different dimensions, the human world and Erestor, the Vampire world. Now, I’m sure there are other dimensions such as elves and witches, but that’s not important for now. Erestor, surprisingly, is much like the human world. We have electricity, nightclubs, transportation and other such novelties; but I think we’re a bit more old-fashioned and classy when it comes to our homes. I grew up in the human world, however, I don’t miss it. After being in Cain’s kingdom over the past ten years, I’ve found most humans to be clueless and idiotic. I saw that with my own eyes when humans came for a ‘visit’. Needless to say, they never left, either.

Traditional vampires can’t grow and age unlike myself. I never understood why. The only thing Cain had explained to me was that since I am a daywalker, I have a human strand in my DNA that allows me to age and grow. Also explained from Cain was when I reach a certain age, I will no longer age or grow. He told me most daywalkers would stop the aging process around the age of 21. ‘A perfect age to maintain an immortal look…’ Cain had said.
I can’t explain why this happens, because he never answered all of my questions regarding this issue.

Now on to explaining this war. Yes, Vampires against Vampires. I’ve come to learn that it was started many years ago, before my time, when all daywalkers-with the exception of myself-were killed by a band of rebellious and very jealous vampires. The daywalkers wouldn’t allow others to use them for experiments to build new vampire breeds, thus sparking the war. And despite the fact that my breed is basically extinct, war is still raging between kingdoms and cities because of the past events. Quite silly, if you want my honest opinion.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“Catch her!” Cain shouted angrily, eyes glowing red. I was finally trying to escape the palace after ten long years of waiting for the right opportunity. Not that this is a good time, I don’t think anytime really is. I’ve just finally built up the courage to do so. I never knew who it was that had killed my parents, and the memory of that night seems to fade more with each passing day, but Cain had brainwashed me into believing that he had only come to help.
Today I found out the truth…

“Are you almost finished with the creature?” Jules, Cain’s trusted advisor, had asked.
“Close…only one or two more blood samples from Shylah and the creature will be complete. After ten long years…” Cain replied.
“That is good news, Master. Afterwards, we can finally kill the girl, correct?” Jules asked, obvious excitement in his voice.
“No, you idiot! She’s to live for as long as I see fit. Unlike her parents, she’s actually quite useful. I could use her and the creature combined to aid me in taking over Erestor and the human world.” Cain hissed out.
“A-are you going to tell her of her parents, then? About who they really were?” Jules asked with a fearful stutter.
“What of them, Jules? They’re dead. I killed them ten years ago. She doesn’t need to know anything.” Cain said.


I had stood silent, behind the gray wall of the parlor room, stunned at what I heard. I was going to give Cain a blood sample I had drawn out myself, since I won’t let anyone else touch me; instead I heard much more information I needed to know. Anger began to flow throughout my body as I overcame my shock and ran silently upstairs to my room to pack.

Running through the halls, I had numerous guards chasing after me, trying to catch me. Cain didn’t want me to leave, because he knew he had trained me to well and I knew secrets about the new creature he was creating. As I’ve said before, he trusted me too well, his mistake. I didn’t want any part of his future plans of taking over Erestor and the humans’ world. I wanted to be free.
So now, I have one bag over my shoulder and a sword hanging at my side as I run through the maze of hallways, fighting off the guards and other vampires.

“I know you’re not trying to escape, Shylah.” One hissed out, jumping down in front of me.
“Watch me.” I growled out, with a high kick to his face.
“I don’t think so, little girl.” Another said, grabbing my waist from behind.
“Oh…I think so.” I said, reaching up behind me and snapping his neck.

Others were gaining on me fast as I ran for the heavy metal doors that would allow me freedom.
It was daylight, with luck, allowing my escape much easier than I thought.
“So long boys!” I shouted mockingly before slamming the doors shut.



“You imbeciles! How could you let her escape?!” Cain shouted, full of rage, throwing one vampire through a wall.
“Master, not to worry. She dropped this blood sample of hers down the hall. She must have taken it herself earlier. We can still finish the creature.” Jules said with a sly smile while handing Cain a small vile of blood.
“Damn… that means she probably heard our conversation. That’s why she just left. She knows the truth.” Cain growled, playing the vile of blood over in his hands. “The creature’s first task can be tracking her down.” He added, looking up at staring at the closed metal doors.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


It was getting close to sunset as I ran through the forest at full speed; the pinks and oranges showering down on me through the heavy brush and trees.
“I will annihilate each and every one of those vampires in that palace for what they’ve done.” I mumbled outloud to myself angrily, crouching into a dark cave as nightfall began to take over.


I stayed the night in that cave, keeping my eyes soft to the sounds around me. Since it was nightfall, I knew Cain would have his men out looking for me.



“Mommy…daddy, what’s wrong?”
“Shylah, go hide in the hall closet. Stay there and don’t come out until daybreak.” Father told me, shoving me in the direction of the hall closet.

“Wait. Here, Shylah. Have this…” Mother said, quickly taking off the beautiful necklace she always wore and placed in around my neck.

“Mommy, Daddy?!” I shouted as they shoved me quickly in the closet, motioning for me to be quiet as possible. I could see the fear in their eyes while taking one last look at me before shutting the door. Little did I know, that would be the last time I would see them.
Against their wishes, I cracked the door open a bit, allowing me to see a little bit of the scene that was beginning to play out.


“What do you want?” Father asked someone that had burst through the house. Fear was clear in his voice, but I could tell he was trying to stand his ground.
“Dom, why did you and Lilia leave Erestor ten years ago?” A cold voice asked, however, sounding like he already knew the answer.

“Don’t tell them, Dom. They’ll never find her!” Mother was shouting, sounding as if she was struggling against someone’s grip.
“Oh, I see… a daywalker, hmm?” the cold voice asked. Of course at the age of ten, I was unaware of what everything meant.
“Don’t do this. You’ve taken enough from us!” Mother was pleading. I could sense she was crying as well, but I couldn’t see her. I could only see Father through the tiny crack I was looking through.

“Kill them. I’ll find their girl later…” the cold voice hissed.




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I awoke in the cave the following morning with a start, my heart pounding and sweat beaded on my forehead from my dream. Looking around to find the other source that awoke me, I found an older man staring at me from the shadows.
Jumping to my feet, I quickly unsheathed my sword, preparing to fight whoever this was.

“Come with me or you will die.” The man said calmly, stepping forward into the daylight.
“Oh no, Mister. Last time I heard those exact words was ten years ago, and I just now managed to escape that place!” I said defensively, still holding my sword out in front of me.

“Unless you intend on staying in this cave for Cain, Cain’s followers, or his new creature to find you… then I suggest you come with me.” He snarled.

I slowly began releasing my grip from the sword, staring at this stranger and contemplating if I should follow.
Shaking his head, he just began walking out of the cave, leaving me there to watch his retreating back. The man was old, with long white hair and eyes the color of honey. Something that was unusual to see in Erestor.
He turned to see if I was following or not, and smiled at me while I stood in the mouth of the cave still debating with myself. Fangs…I saw them clearly when he smiled.

I sheathed my sword back in place and grabbed my belongings, breaking out in a run to catch up.
“You’re a daywalker? But I thought…” I started to say after running up beside him.
“You thought wrong. There’s more of our breed, most are in hiding.” He interrupted.

“The name is Malcolm.” He added, glancing over at me with a warm smile.
“Shylah Leyvee.” I mumbled shyly as we topped over a hill. There stood a house down in the lush green valley. It wasn’t near as big as a castle, but nicely size, nonetheless.





“Have a seat.” Malcolm said when arriving at the house. Thick blue carpet blanketed his floors in the front room; a white tiger striped rug in the center of the room sat under a dark mahogany coffee table. A dark blue, plush couch sat across from a white marbled fireplace; with a matching recliner at the couch’s side.
Malcolm hadn’t said anything since I told him my name, but he looked a bit nervous now, me being in his home. I could sense it.


“So, if I’m not the only daywalker left in Erestor as Cain had said, how many are there?” I questioned, sipping on a cup of warm tea. With my form of breed, I could eat and drink human goods as I wish, and I chose not to drink blood as the other vampires did. I guess you can say that I found it to be an ‘acquired’ taste.

“In all honesty, we have between fifty and sixty left of our kind. All of which are in hiding.” He said kindly, sitting down in the reclining chair next to the couch.

“You, however, are the most special…” He added with a raised eyebrow.


“How come I don’t have the same sunlight disease as you and daddy?”

“Because, baby…you’re very special. You’ll find out one day what I mean.”


“What do you mean I’m ‘special’?” I asked after my short flashback, not prepared for the answer I was to receive.
“Well for starters, Shylah, you’re the next Queen of the Vampires.” He simply said.

Needless to say, I fainted.

__________________
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." (William Shakespeare)

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (Edgar Allan Poe)

semtecks

Hi Angellc Dreamer,

I like the idea of a vampire world, that's pretty original. I'm not a 100% sure about the Daywalker thing though -- at first I was like "isn't this the plot to Blade?" -- but then, you go down a different route fairly quickly; and it's not someting covered in Vampie fiction very often.

I think that the sun allerg thing is called Lupo, i think . . .

quote:"My parents could not go out in the sunlight, much less even be near it, so the house always stayed dark-no matter the time of day."

I think you should have two slashes after dar i.e: dark--no matter.

quote:When he smiled, I saw his teeth. Sharp, deadly looking teeth that glistened in the moonlight…like the teeth I saw murder my parents just moments earlier.

This i just my opinion, but you use the word "teath" an awful lot in this paragraph

Not bad so far, keep going

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http://semtecks.bebo.com

Wyndstar

Since this is part of a larger story and you know it needs work, I'm not going to post any corrections to what you've posted. What I will do is post one observation.

If Cain knew what this girl was, why did he keep her as he did? He trained her in the martial arts and generally let her own mind develope, instead of going much better means of keeping her (brainwashing, lying, ect). He seems quite sloppy for one with such ambitions, and seemingly successful thus far at it.

Some is confusing, but as this is part of a larger story, I'll take into account that I'd need to read it in order to fill in the gaps.

It has potential. Keep at it.

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Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.

Angelic Dreamer

Thank you for your comments and advice. I greatly appreciate them.

__________________
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." (William Shakespeare)

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (Edgar Allan Poe)

gohn67

Hey Angelic Dreamer,
Usually I don't read vampire fiction, but your story was interesting enough, that I read all of what you posted.

There is alot of twists that you added to the traditional vampire story. Like the Vampire world and the her being a Daywalker.

Shylah is very Mysterious. We don't know how powerful she is yet. And she doesn't know. That's what I get from reading.

The first half of the story was just backstory it seemed. It's interesting information, but there was alot of it. And the voice sounded at times as if Shylah was talking to the reader in this first half.

Then at the point where she starts her escape the story becomes more action filled. Gets me into the story more.

She gets out of the castle/palace very easily. She never faces any obstacles that force her to redirect her escape plan.

I couldn't really picture the palace. I know it has gray walls.

You have alot of nice descriptive sentences like this.

The dialogue here seems too staged. or unrealistic.

I almost stopped reading at this line, which I'm happy I didn't. You sort of salvage it with the by adding a twist to the cliche, but I think that took me out of the story too much. Made me feel like I was just a reader and not experineceing the story.

It is a bit rough still, like you said, but the story idea is very interesting and has a mysteriousness that kept me reading.

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The Frowning Dog Blog

Angelic Dreamer

thank you gohn for your critique and comments. I really appreciate all of the advice, and will try to use it.
Thank you again.

__________________
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." (William Shakespeare)

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (Edgar Allan Poe)