Gaz

Worst Fears

Andy didn't want to leave Brian alone with this guy. But someone had to stay and watch him. It was risky but, he'd no time and no alternative. Andy had to almost force the the pistol into Brian’s hands.

"Look, all you got do is just watch the bastard. Me and Jack’ll get the others. We need this asshole for whatever info he can give us about Menzies.” Noticing the expression on Brian’s face, Andy hesitated.

“I ain’t got time for this shit Bry, I gotta get goin’, I can’t let Jack go after them on his own.” Reluctantly, Brian took the pistol and nodded uncertainly.

The guy they’d trapped in the empty apartment was a real hard case. Andy wasn't sure Brian could handle it. There'd be no problem if Jack stayed and watched the guy, but there was no way he was going after two armed men with someone as flakey as Brian for back up.

“Look, Bry, just watch him. Alright? Just watch him, that’s all. He’s not gonna be any trouble. Okay? Okay Bry?” Andy saw the look in the eyes. “Jesus Bry...just watch the bastard, that’s all. Okay? Jesus fuckin' Christ Bry...I don’t have fuckin’ time...”

Andy left– left Brian and the other guy there in the empty room.

The other guy, one of three that Menzies had hired for the unsuccessful hit on the apartment, sat against the wall, on the far side of the room. He knew that if the one called Andy had stayed, he wouldn't have stood a chance. But this jerk they’d left guarding him, this Brian, looked dim witted, looked anxious. Gun or not, this kid looked scared, scared about what might happen now that he’d been left on his own.

The guy stared at Brian, eye to eye, and Brian couldn’t match the silent challenge. Breaking contact, he looked down at the heavy, black pistol in his hands. Neither man moved from their places, there wasn’t a sound in the empty room.

“Brian, eh? That’s your name right, Brian?” No response, Brian didn’t even dare look at him.

“Hey, Brian, I’m gonna stand up. Okay? I mean those two buddies of yours sure hit pretty hard. I’m sore, gotta move a little. Okay?” Brian looked up at him, but did not respond: neither yea nor ney.

Slowly, carefully, his eyes on the kid, he started to lever himself up into a standing position. The kid didn't move a muscle, he just sat there against the opposite wall, looking scared.

He took a step away from the wall, as if to give himself room to manipulate his arms and massage his neck and side, where they’d hit him so hard and so effectively.

“Hey, that buddy of yours sure knows how to punch, Brian.” Still rubbing his neck, the guy smiled and shook his head, as if he was sharing a joke of some kind.

He could see the kid was getting more and more nervous and he knew he had to take it slow and easy. He didn't want to spook the kid, if that gun went off, who knows where the bullet might end up.

"It's okay, Brian, no need to get worried, I ain't gonna do nothin'. Like I said, just a bit sore is all," he said, massaging his side again and taking another slow and careful step nearer. He was almost certain that the kid hadn't got the balls to shoot him–almost certain, anyway.

He was still on the far side of the room, about eighteen feet or so from the kid. He couldn't try anything at this distance, spineless chickenshit or not, the kid still had a gun in his hand. No sudden moves, not yet, not until he was a lot nearer.

"What's the name of your other buddy, not Andy, the other guy?" he asked, waving his hand in a circular motion, as if trying to remember something on the tip of his tongue. The kid just continued to stare at him, no reaction, no response.

"Yea, well, he's the one who kicked my legs from under me." He raised his right leg and rubbed his shin, placing his foot down a step nearer. Then, the left leg, and another step nearer.

"He sure plays rough, Brian." He smiled, no hard feelings, all part of the game.

“Hey, Brian, tell me, you known them long, those buddies of yours?" Nothing from the kid. The fucking zombie was starting to annoy him. He had to get some kind of conversation going, it would give him more flexibility, allow him more movement, enable him to get nearer.

"Yeh, well, the reason I'm askin' is that...er...you know, I've seen 'em around, but I ain't seen you before. You just meet up with 'em or something?" The kid just continued to stare at him. He blinked a couple of times, apart from that, there was nothing. Was the kid too scared to speak? Was that it?

"Hey look kid, Brian, I mean. There's no need to be sacred or nothin'. I mean they left you the gun, I ain't gonna do nothin' with you sitting there like that, with the gun and everything." He paused a moment, wondering if mentioning the gun had been a good idea.

"How d'you feel about, Brian? You feel comfortable with that? I mean, you know how to use it? You ever shot anyone before?” The guy took a two testing steps in Brian's direction, stretching his arms wide, as if in question.

“I mean, Brian, it don’t sound like much. I mean you see it on TV all the time, but shootin’ a defenceless man in cold blood–killin’ a guy like that, I mean, well, Brian, that’s a whole different deal if you know what I mean. Don’t you think, Brian?” he asked, taking another couple of steps nearer.

The kid looked almost mesmerized by his words, he didn't seem to have noticed his slow, step by step approach. He was about ten feet froom him now. Was the kid aware how close he was.

“Believe me, Brian, it takes a whole lot to kill a guy, a defenceless guy, like me.” He spread his arms wide to indicate his vulnerability, he took another step nearer. Still, he wasn’t near enough, not yet.

He needed some more feedback and, apart from the kid fumbling with the pistol, he wasn't getting any. The way the fucking zombie was sat against the wall, it wouldn’t be easy to disarm unless he got close enough to kick him.

“You ready for that Brian? You ready to kill a man like this?”

Brian remained silent, but began to slowly roll his head from side to side. Then, he started moaning softly.

This was the type of opening he'd been waiting for and he jumped at the opportuinity.

“Hey, look, Brian, I know how you feel. There ain’t nobody gonna blame yuh and there ain’t no reason for anyone to get hurt. Rather than it gets to that, why don’t you just drop the magazine–its the catch on the side right there– then just work the slide once. Then were’s all safe. We can both just walk outta her. What’d you say Brian? I mean, we both know you don’t wanna do this. Right?” He was only eight feet from his victim now, maybe it was near enough.

"Look. Brian, let's make ths real easy. Why not just hand me the gun. Make it easier on all of us. What you say Brian?" He took one more step nearer and held out his hand for Brian to hand him the gun.

“Jesus, fuckin...” The first round smashed squarely into his left knee-cap. His leg whipped backward, then he spun, twisted awardkly, and landed sprawled on the bare wood floor.

“Hurts like fuck, at least what they tell me,” drawled Brian. "I've always been a pretty good shot you know." Aiming casually, he fired again.

"Aaargh...Jesus!" The second round blew through his other knee-cap. Writhing on the floor in agony, he caught a glimpse of the kid's face and saw the smile.

"See what I mean?" Brian shrugged his shoulders. He was holding the pistol in both hands and he stared at it resting in his lap.

"This is all Andy's fault really you know.” He seemed to be speaking to the gun. “He knows he shouldn’t leave me alone like this."

It took another four rounds, spread over some time, before the guy died.

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Rico

i'm going to be a technically picky bastard, because I'm in that kind of mood.

so, first off, what kind of Sig-Sauer; there's a lot of different types; they're not all 9mm. (And I'm biased in the first place, because I don't like Sigs in general)

You're definitely missing a word there.

And the second technical thing; the guy was 6 feet from Bryan when he shot him. It takes no extensive amount of skill to put a bullet anywhere you like in a body that close.


Just my thoughts. Other than that, good story.

Gaz

[quote="Rico"]i'm going to be a technically picky bastard, because I'm in that kind of mood.

so, first off, what kind of Sig-Sauer; there's a lot of different types; they're not all 9mm. (And I'm biased in the first place, because I don't like Sigs in general)[/quote="Rico"]

Okay, a 229 – I didn't what to sound too technical. Sigs are, IMHO, a class product. What don't you like about them, the decocker mechanism?

[quote="Rico"]You're definitely missing a word there.[/quote="Rico"]

No, don't think I am.

[quote="Rico"]And the second technical thing; the guy was 6 feet from Bryan when he shot him. It takes no extensive amount of skill to put a bullet anywhere you like in a body that close.[/quote="Rico"]

Agreed, but the second shot, while the guy was writhing around did-right? Anyway, my point was that Brian was a far more lethal and sadistic SOB than his oppenent ever imagined

[quote="Rico"]Just my thoughts. Other than that, good story.[/quote="Rico"]

Thanks, Rico, for both your time and your comments.

Salud,
McQ

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Rico

Ok, thanks for clarifying, but I agree, there's probably no real need for the 229; anyone who doesn't know much about guns is not going to question it.

As for why I don't like Sigs in general; just had bad experiences with them. And no, its not the decocker mechanism. Also, I don't like the way they look. I prefer a Glock 26 or Beretta PX4...but that's just a matter of preference, I suppose.

Ok, I see your point about the writhing around. Still would depend on how much skill Bryan had, but I won't press the issue.

Again, good job.

Gaz

Okay, Rico, let's both of us avoid coming across as the gun-nuts we both (obviously) are.

BTW, if you care to look at 'critique'–Interesting start?-you'll find a piece that eventually features a Glock 18C and a Russian rifle I'll bet you've never heard of–that's a clue BTW.

Salud,
Gaz

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Mike C

Unfortunately the whole 'sig' thing is an obstacle to anyone other than either a gun nut or a 12 year old - primarily because straight off it gives the impression that it's written by a 12 year old gun nut. In one word - pistol - you say everything that most people will give a shit about. If you feel the need to be descriptive, specify revolver or automatic. Anything else just shouts "writer showing off!"

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Wyndstar

Have to agree about the gun with the others. Though I wouldn't consider myself a gun nut. Go with the standard descrip that the uninitiated would recongnise.

A few errors, here...

It should be "...now THAT he'd been left alone."

The ending was very clever. I didn't see that coming.

Nicely written.

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Gaz

Thanks to both of you for your time and your comments.

You see this type of scene often on TV or movies, and it always irks me. Why do the BGs always think that GGs can't pull the trigger?

Mike C: You are right about the pistol–no contest.

Wyndstar: Thanks for the correction and your kind remarks.

Salud,
Gaz

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gohn67

hey Gaz,
I agree with the others, being specific about the pistol doesn't not work well. I tried the same thing in my last story, but took it out since it sounded dumb.

Good story though.

comma afte Menzies. Also I think there's a semi-colon after info, but since it's dialogue I guess don't mater.

I thought Andy already handed him the pistol.

"Andy virtually stuffed the pistol–a 9mm Sig Sauer–into Brian’s hands."

the repeating of left is uneeded. And cumbersome.

Repetivie. Parts in bold say basically the same thing.

Something not right about this sentence.

Obviously not. Since on the thought before he just said that ANdy told him not to let the guy move.

shuck - shook.
defenceles = defenceless.

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Graff

My first impression: Awesome. It's about time someone wrote this very story. In movies, you always see the captive take advantage of the guy or girl holding the gun, saying, "You're not gonna shoot, you don't have the balls," and such.

I loved the reversal of fate here. Great job.

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Gaz

Thank you, Gohn67. I appreciate your time and effort in providing such a thorough critt. All I can offer, by way of excuse for my numerous errors, is that I wrote it very quickly and very late at night.

Graff: Thanks for your comments. I've been meaning to write this for years. In view of all my mistakes, I guess I should have waited a little longer.

Salud,
Gaz

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Mike C

It's become a movie cliche. But I've seen probably a dozen movies where they DO pull the trigger - that also is now cliche.

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Graff

come to think of it, you're completely right.

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Deathwishboy

Great stuff mate, ditto on the ending I didn't really see that coming. The Brian character is just like a person in the book I'm reading (Of Mice and Men). Don't know why I'm stating that but anyway excellent narrative story storytelling.

Keep it up

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Gaz

Thank you DWB. I'm quite surprised at the rsponses. I'll take the time and make a better job of it soon.

Salud,
Gaz

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