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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 09-22-2005, 11:01 PM   #1
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Life child.

Aaron Lucas was what would seem a normal child, but somewhere beneath the recesses of his mind layed a cold-blooded killer. Recently being founded of higher intelligence than normal man and having an 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder', he found himself under heavy watch from friends, relatives, and officials who observed a forthcoming of his abnormal mentality. He quickly began to show violent tendancies towards most of life.

To prevent becoming a monstrosity of nature he confined himself in his room to his own devices and soon began to collect animals in his room. Although not as sick as you would think, fairly odd behavior began to come over him. He became pale and spent more and more of his time in his room every day. Soon music ceased and little to no noise could be heard outside of his room. You may jump to conclusions about him hurting the animals for his own pleasure, but he never hurt one of them save an anomoly; the fly. But that isn't important quite yet.

Aaron was raised by his lesbian grandmother after having been orphaned by his deceased parents at seven. His grandmother was an angry skeptical person who generally disliked people. She beat him often and made him do more chores than are neccesary to maintain a clean, proficient household. Constantly under her critique he began to stray away from people and, as one knows, without friends at that age social skills tend to dwindle down to little or nothing. He began to shave his head to prevent going to school with the ridiculous bowl-cut his grandmother made him wear and kids (being the wonderous creatures they are) began to accuse him of being a nazi. He wore the same outfit every day because it was the only casual one in his wardrobe, a neon green 'lucky gym' shirt which was several years old and tight on him and a pair of jeans which were not ripped enough to be grunge, yet not clean enough to be prep. He was promptly ostracized even by teachers. He was tripped as he was passing their desk and they would say 'oops, sorry!', and get him up with a grin on their face. He was a scapegoat for every man and woman to lay their problems on. Aaron was standing alone before the cheese.

Although he knew this wasn't true, he began to agree. Disagreement only ended in being beaten after school by a bully named Nathan who almost always got into a scuffle with him. Aaron began to confirm the childrens accusations and over time they begin to beat him anyways. The only safe haven became his room where his mother didn't dare to go. She wondered about his mental health or even what he was doing with the animals.

Up in his room he talked to squirrels, conversed with rabbits. He began to play games with them and eventually the animals prospered. Soon bugs began to take haven. Bugs of all shapes and sizes, centipedes, milipedes, everything one could fine on the continent was in his room and flourishing. He fed them, watered them.

But as he was reading one night, the fly came. The fly began to buzz noisily around the room and all he could hear was an echo in his head. Enraged, he yelled at the fly. The night continued and soon the only thing he could see or hear was the sound of buzzing. He picked up his woodcutting axe used to do his numerous chores out of the garage and began to swing violently across the room. He swung with all his might and yelled and shrieked. He cursed the heavens and swung harder. He began to feel stinging in his fingers, but still he swung until he was tired.

He couldn't feel his arms. He leaned on the axe and began to wonder why he had used an axe rather than a normal newspaper. This cognition caused him to re-examine his surroundings only to find his grandmother dead on the floor, chopped into little bits. Blood stained the walls, and his windows adjacent to the protruded, broken door that was now chopped up worse than the grandmother were stained red like you would expect to see in a sanctuary.

After a while of contemplation, he cleaned the mess. He calmly examined his room and his house. With one final glance around the house he opened the door and fled into the cloudless night.
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Old 09-23-2005, 12:10 AM   #2
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Hey Lost,
I enjoyed this. I found it kind of funny, in dark sort of way, not sure if that was intentional.

Quote:
Aaron Lucas was what would seem a normal child, but somewhere beneath the recesses of his mind layed a cold-blooded killer.
I'm not sure what to think about this sentence. In away it's an interesting sentence, I mean read cold-blooded killer and I'm interested.

On the other hand that's the point of the story. And you tell it to us in the first sentence.

Also the sentence, has sort of cliche kind of corny feel to it, that kind of makes me want to go, oh no, not another Serial killer story.

Quote:
Oppositional Defiance Disorder'
I never heard of this before.

Quote:
You may jump to conclusions about him hurting the animals for his own pleasure, but he never hurt one of them save an anomoly; the fly.
When did he hurt the animals? I didn't read anything prior to this sentence.

When I read this sentence I thought the fly was a stuft animal.

Quote:
Aaron was raised by his lesbian grandmother after having been orphaned by his deceased parents at seven
It doesn't seem like the grandmother being a lesbian is important to the story. Though it is interesting and sort of funny detail.

Quote:
He began to shave his head to prevent going to school with the ridiculous bowl-cut his mother
I thought his mother was dead.

Quote:
Soon he began to love them.
For some reason I had this weird image of a kid trying to have sex with bugs.

Quote:
He picked up his woodcutting axe and began to swing violently across the room
How come he has a wood cutting ax in his room? Convienent.

Quote:
There were no animals and there was no fly. They were only his own rage building up as he became the cruel, cold-blooded person who he was inevitably going to become.
This sentence is a bit unneccecary. I kind of figured that the animals were not real after he sees grandmother dead on the floor.

Overall I enjoyed it, because of the interesting details you inserted into the story.
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Old 09-23-2005, 09:04 AM   #3
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This is an actual kid, my friend. The details, although unneccesary, accentuated my relationship with the boy. I am the bully named 'Nathan'.

When we were kids he was tormented, largely because of his grandparents. Their disconnection from a regular relationship and society in general reflected on Aaron and made him a stranger to the children.

About it being funny, go ahead. It was meant to be funny.
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Old 09-23-2005, 04:43 PM   #4
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Quote:
This is an actual kid, my friend. The details, although unneccesary, accentuated my relationship with the boy. I am the bully named 'Nathan'.
The story is made up though, right?

Quote:
When we were kids he was tormented, largely because of his grandparents. Their disconnection from a regular relationship and society in general reflected on Aaron and made him a stranger to the children.
I would love to see more specifics about the relationship between his lesbian grandma. Like the bowl hair cut thing was great. Just more of that stuff. I feel like if you did that, then the emphasis will be more clear that his grandma is a big reason why he's like that. Plus lot of good oppurtunities for some dark humor.
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Old 09-23-2005, 04:48 PM   #5
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Why sure. But only because you are a spectacular person.
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