Sex scene challenge. (300 words, NOT explicit.. i think) - Writers Forum

blankslatejoe · 09-16-2005, 11:06 PM

Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I posted any work.
I read that a good sex scene is one of the hardest things to write... apparently most of the time they come across as cliched, perverted, idealized, niave, or too 'adult'.

I figured I'd give myself a go at it..and hopefully try and avoid the pitfalls mentioned above. Hopefully no one thinks this is smutty or explicit or 'adult'.. I don't want to break forum rules. I just found it to be an interesting writing challenge, and pretty dang tricky.
Hopefully the characters are as, if not more, enticing as what they are doing is.. Feedback is always appreciated!

Challenge: write a sex scene in 500 words or less. (this is around 300)
Personal challenge: avoid anything explicit, but still make it tense sex scene.

---------------------------------------------------
He didn’t want her. He wanted her every minute of every day, except… not now. Something was wrong. He felt her hands on his waist, not the other way around. That threw him off; he always held her. Something was different.

When she kissed him it felt hollow. She was beautiful. Her eyes were closed and her lips pressed against his. He felt her tongue and tasted the wine and understood. It was the wine that was kissing him, not her. It wasn’t right. He didn’t want her.

She opened her eyes halfway and smiled at him, her tongue sliding along her lower lip, barely peeking out. When she leaned into him he could see down her shirt; she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Her eyes moved down his body, stopping at his belt.

He didn’t want her. He told himself that. It was halfway true. But as she looked down, it was obvious to them both which half. Her jeans pressed against his and she rocked her hips back and forth, fixing him with that devilish, playful smile. He fell back against the wall and she giggled, falling into him. Somehow they kept their balance. He didn’t want her. He couldn’t want her.

She had gotten her pants off. He wasn’t sure when she did that. There was the single black strand of a thong between her cheeks. She turned herself around and backed into his arms, craning her neck back to kiss him. This time he kissed her, and her hands reached behind to work on his belt.

The next morning, when he woke, it took him a moment to remember what had happened. He was in her bed, like so many mornings before. But this time she was curled up tightly, as far away from him as possible.

Chris Miller · 09-18-2005, 09:57 AM

Very nice. Good character development and great ending. Amazing for how short the story was.

This is a unique sex scene for sure.

I don't hink it's hard to write sex, but it is hard to work it into a story without it being gratuitous or needlessly cut around.

Quote:

But as she looked down, it was obvious to them both which half.

Funny line.

Nice job here.

blankslatejoe · 09-18-2005, 09:12 PM

thanks chris! I appreciate the feedback and compliments. I had fun writing this one.

woodman · 09-20-2005, 02:19 AM

That was AWSOME!

Very nice continuity; you would expect it to lead to a crecendo instead of the twist that you put at the end.

I'ld love to take a stab at it, but I might spend the better part of a day trying and still not come up with something that could compete with that.

Well done.

blankslatejoe · 09-22-2005, 12:26 AM

woodman, that's one of the nicest compliments I've ever recieved.

you made my day!

SeattleGhostWriter · 09-22-2005, 01:44 AM

Blankslatejoe

That was the best piece I have ever read regarding something like that. It was a different of pace and delight. Captivating, tasteful and powerful.

Timothy

blankslatejoe · 09-23-2005, 11:58 PM

SGW - thanks, I'm glad it was a different read for you.

starrwriter - Interesting excerpt.. got some real powerful imagery ther. It's nice to see an author dancing around the descriptions tastefully and skillfully too... that bow string analogy is beautiful. This your work, I'm guessing?

blankslatejoe · 09-24-2005, 02:18 AM

hrm.... i'd imagine not. The best sex scenes have hints of reality in them it seems. Any more of Tango floating around?

carly · 10-11-2005, 06:13 AM

I havt to say those sex scene were very good, short, descripicive, and I felt I was there, watching while reading them.

I write erotica and also mainstream things, so I was interested in w short sex scene. You all worked it very well.

Carly