strangedaze

On his sixth birthday Joseph heard the balloon talk. He was sitting on the couch, surrounded by the other children from his daycare, boys and girls who had trouble remembering his name but came out of obligation to their parents, when the balloon floated to his ear and whispered something only audible to him.

"It talked, it talked!" he said as he jumped from his seat. "The balloon can talk!"

The other children were skeptical, but soon quieted down to listen. Only the scattered footseps of the parents mingling upstairs were heard.

"But I swear, it can talk!" Joseph pleaded, holding the taut red rubber sphere in his hands. "Come closer, listen!"

Big Sarah Black, the oldest child at the daycare and the only one who didn't bring a present, snatched the balloon from him and shook it, then began turning it over in her hands.

"Hey, it doesn't even have lips, how's it supposed to talk, huh?" she said, dabbing it with her finger.

"I don't know, but it can talk. You just have to listen hard."

"Well I'm listening hard and I don't hear a thing," she snapped, giving the balloon a firm squeeze. The rubber cried out under the pads of her fingertips, making a sound sharp like nails dragging across a chalkboard.

"See! See! It has something to say!" Joseph said, clapping his hands.

"I don't see a mouth, or lips, or anything," Big Sarah said. Her face brightened. "But maybe if we give it a mouth and some lips we'd be able to hear it better."

"But it doesn't need a mouth," Joseph said. "It's not like us."

It was too late: Big Sarah had already popped the balloon with the point of her fork. She shrugged and handed the dangling rubber to Joseph.

"Looks like it just didn't have anything it wanted to say," she laughed, and the other children joined in. Joseph put his hands over his ears and vowed never to listen again.[/b]

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His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

Chris Miller

Nice and simple. I could really rear the kid's voice. The dialogue made it real.

The story seems like it should have a moral. If I had to guess it would be that you have to listen to those who are different from you. Nah, no I wouldn't. It's more like the story seems like it should have a moral, but doesn't. Perhaps the moral is, don't look for morals.

You are going through a dark phase, aren't you? Maybe it's the time of year?

Anyway, I liked this, now that I think I understand it. The way it sort of builds up to... to nothing. Surprise!

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the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

Graff

This was great, strangedaze. In a way, it felt like Sarah killed a living thing, and it might have had something important to say. Or maybe not.

Very cool! An impressive story to come in the wake of parvati's baby.

Keep up the awesome work!

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"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.

gohn67

Nice story, nothing flashy, but still worth the read because of the ending. I love the ending. It works really for me and immedialtely made me wonder why it ended like that. To me it's like reality, and this kid is in some kind of fantasy world of make believe, and it gets shattered, his fantasy, at the end because everyone's laughing at him.

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The Frowning Dog Blog

ms. vodka

Of course Big Sarah popped the balloon.

Of course she did.

Some fucker always pops the balloon.

Joseph is going to end up committing suicide.

on a side note... the word footseps in the third paragraph is a typo.

and whatever you were trying to bold on the bottom didn't work.

and if Sarah was going to pop it... i mean always was intentionally with the fork... why did she mention giving it lips and a mouth? i think sara should pop it with a pen while she's forcing the lips and mouth on it... and you should drop the fork.

once again, you have kept me spellbound from beginning to end...

much love,
vodka

Ilan Bouchard

I didn't like when Sarah said "huh," but that was the only problem I had with it. Thanks for the quick read.

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Ruthless comments encouraged!

eggo

Wow,

Angry story. Sounds like some simple minded fool burst you bubble. In my opinion,

its written as a child’s story, because that’s the only thing this person (your true target) can understand.

It is as, Gohn suggested, very real. You’ve seen how kids play. The double entrande about destroyed ideas (?) and those who listen will learn
was a little clouded , but came through for me.

Thanks

strangedaze

Thanks everyone!

Chris, it was really an experiment in minimalism, so I tried to shy away from coming to any conclusions. Glad it worked...?

Graff, glad you liked both of the pieces.

Gohn, precisely what I was thinking, but I wasn't sure I had enough content to get to that conclusion.

V, you're drunk. And always welcome

Ilan, I didn't think you would and honestly it felt weird, but I left it in just to atnagonize you

Eggo, glad it all worked out for you.



You all rock.

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His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

bobothegoat

I thought it was a great piece. And like ms V said, somebody always pops the balloon . Good read.

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Bobo the Goat

strangedaze

Hahaha word to that, mr goat.

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His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

Wyndstar

Geez---it sucks when someone pops your bubble. But of course, it would have to be on your birthday.

Okay, this is probably my interpretation, but kids really ARE the reason other kids lose their childhood and the innocence and fantasy. And they're cruel little bastards, and that is well conveyed. The writing's curtness illustrates the callousness well.

If that girl was my kid (and she is actually) she'd get left in a room with MY imaginary playmate. It doesn't talk. But I guarentee that little girl would hear a lot by the end.
Especially after she gets out, and finds that mommy ate all the B-day booty...!

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Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.