I put a bit of the story back to see if there was an imporvement.
i will add more if you all like.
Haven dale
3AM
Kali Jo Jenkins. gets a flat tire in a quiet little town
somewhere in Louisiana.
she looked around nervously realizing there was
no people or sounds, not even a dog’s bark in the
distance, which would of been some consolation to her.
but there was just the wind, creaking and shadows,
it was very eerie . she tried her cell phone but all
she could get out of it was static. she went to her trunk
to look for the spare tire but there wasn't one
" Damn!! I'm such an idiot ! “ she slammed the trunk door
very upset now. She decided to Wait till daylight before
hiking back to civilization. so, she got back in her Car,
locking it and cracking windows. “ Damn town.” She could
feel the tears as she dozed off, her mind flooded with worries.
She was a single young Woman, with no one to call, no kids
to fret over, not even a pet to go home to. no One would
know or care if she died Alone out in the dark.
Later that morning.
Brenda Lou Jones , on her way to her mothers to pick up her
kids entered the same town, there was no sign that she could
see. she was tired from driving all night she was looking for a
gas station and a vacant hotel, her car was beginning to sputter.
" COME ON BABY! don' t do this to me now"
Suddenly, a woman with short blonde hair jumped in front of
her car waving her arms, Brenda slammed on the breaks,
stopping to have her car go dead.
she got out of her car " Are you ok? " she asked the
frazzled woman. " YES, thank God you came Along ,
my tire blew and my cell phone doesn't work"
" Its ok. I've got one, let me get it.. "
When Brenda tried to use her cell phone all she got was static
" my phone did that to" " well perhaps they don't have towers out
here for cell phones" said Brenda " I'm Kali Jenkins by the way."
The woman held out her hand and Brenda excepted it.
" hello , I’m Brenda." " well, I'm glad you came along Brenda "
they looked at each other a moment and smiled, feeling a
connection. " SO, what do we do hike out of here?" wondered kali
" do you have a gas can?" asked Brenda " its empty .
maybe we can siphon my gas into your car if you have a tube
cause, I don't." Brenda sighed.
" I don't either." " then we'll have to find something from here.
" said kali “Oh joy, we get to trek through our very own silent
hill. " kali managed a giggle at Brenda‘s remark.
Kali grabbed a flashlight from under her car seat and they set out
on their quest through the Isolated town to find what they needed.
