Wyndstar

PRO CHOICE


True, it had taken time, the pain had been savage, but not as savage as had been her life.

There would be no life, as 'they' wanted to replace it.

Her husband's family had always hated her, though she'd tried for a very long time to please them. Having been raised in the ghetto of religious excess as a commodity, she'd never known love in her whole life.

She'd been hoping her husband and his family could provide it.

Predictably, they were no improvement over what she'd left behind. To this family she was no better than cattle. Despite having a PhD, she was considered barely capable of independent thought. What she truly was didn’t matter to them.

There was another pain. It was ripping and brutal and sent the doctors running frantically.

They didn't have the facilities to deal with an emergency like this...

Her husband bought her to keep his house, to care for his children from a previous marriage. And though she protested, she was a woman after all, her family understood. What did she know was good for her? She was lucky to even have a husband, after running away and living with a sinful relative in America.

She would not have even returned save for an emergency.

It had turned out a lie, a lure that she now only had one way to escape.

Blood rushed in gouts, there was nothing available to stop it. Doctors tangled thru what they saw as the useless tissue of her body haphazardly. She screamed thru the chunk of wood given her. There was no anesthesia for women in a place where they were considered the gateway to hell.

There was a murmur among the medical personnel and her husband’s family.

"But can she have another, damn it?!!?"

There were hesitant nods, and she laughed as what was once considered so monumentally precious was ripped from her now like so much cancerous tissue.

Her daughter.

"Hello." She whispered to the girl, grasping her hand.

"Blood pressure is dropping. We're losing them both..."

...It had been the only way, being watched so much, everything sharp, anything dangerous being removed from her so she could not escape.

She knew what she was doing, and that becoming pregnant was a strain her body just wouldn’t have been able to take.

She'd been a doctor after all.

Now, as she and her daughter closed their eyes on a world crueler than hate, she was blissfully nothing at all...

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Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.

Graff

I liked this a lot wyndstar. The whole moment was painted perfectly in my mind. The emotions of the mother were captured smoothly in writing, and I was captivated til the end.

Is this supposed to take place in the 1800's? It seems so, with the wood and no anestesia.

Anyway, very good stuff, I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes.

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"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.

eggo

Hey Wyndstar,

Very sharp little story. I like the idea that by giving life, she would be released from her own.

She finds redemption in death and takes her daughter with her. (Hideous that thats the only avenue left to her)

The writing was pretty deliberate and straightforward, full of sharp edges and heavy. I think it went with the story well.

Thanks

gohn67

Hey Wyndstar,
I like it. Definitly fits for the writing challenge you posted in.

The details of the wood without anesthesia, was very interesting. Makes me wonder what kind of hopsital she is in and the circumstances.

The end was kind of sad, but she seems happy about it.

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The Frowning Dog Blog

Chris Miller

Hi Wyndstar,

That is probably the most interesting method of offing oneself I have ever read. Too bad she had to take her child with her.

Normally I dislike nameless, pronoun heavy characters. But, because this is short and its focus is universal, it works.

Also, it suits my mood today perfectly.

Right on!

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the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

Wyndstar

This is probably the ugliest story I've ever written, and the most deliberate. While it did start out as a blurb for a challenge, I felt it deserved more.

This actually is modern day and could have been anywhere---even in the states---which was why she had wood to bite rather than sand, because the thoughts that made her life worse than death is still prevelent in many places. Its the ultimate choice.

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Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.

strangedaze

Having been raised in the ghetto of religious excess as a commodity, she'd never known love in her whole life.

- Amusing line

tangled thru

- Through

Now, as she and her daughter closed their eyes on a world crueler than hate, she was blissfully nothing at all...

- Ta-da, nice capper.

***

Overall a well-written, almost surreal piece. Sinful Americans Again, well-written.

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His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

kganz

Loved it. So emotional with quick words and scenes, yet still it was able to bring a response with your readers. I read all the other replies and obviously you made us all think harshly without telling everything. I like that kind of writing and see it as a gift.

Take care,
kganz

Wyndstar

strangedaze, the more I read what you write, the more honored I am that you read mine. Glad you liked the ghetto comment. I was actually thinking of a catholic ghetto I knew of when I wrote this, rather than any other.

Through---gets me every time, especially when I speed write.

kganz, you're new here, welcome and thank you for reading. I look forward to reading your works and to reading more of your commentary.

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Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.