Xonia

One morning you will wake up and you will realise that something is different: something small and simple, yet so intricately intertwined with the every bit of your life that it is impossible not to notice. You'll lie on your back, staring at the ceiling, smiling - for some reason, you feel inexplicably content and blissful.

The phone rings and you know it's her: to say that she missed you and needs to be with you, though all she really wants is your attention, affection and adoration.

Suddenly you recognise what has changed: you woke up without her name on your lips or tears in your eyes; without the thought of her chained in your mind.

And as the phone keeps ringing, you realise that you have moved into that grey area, where you no longer know what you feel for her, nor care about it. Suddenly, what once was the most undeniable and lasting certainty of your life has changed; maybe even disappeared.

She is no longer the main thing in your life.

When the tacit peace is restored, you get up, wrapping the bed sheets around your naked body, and slowly make your way toward the window.

The sky is a crimson red and you welcome the rising sun with a knowing smile.

You're in love.

In love with life.

Wani

This reads like an auto-suggestion piece used by conartists and philanderers to take advantage of people who are suceptible to...

It sure is pretty today. What's your name?

__________________
When a horse slips in a race, though it wins
the hoof slide is marked on the course.
Though Allah and Earth pardon sin,
Forever remaineth remorse.
Kipling

eggo

Hey Xonia,

This was nice little peice about falling out of love. Many people have written about the "falling in" part, but neglect the "out" part, so the subject matter was somewhat innovative.

The mis-spelled words, of which there were many, did distract from the peice.


You have no "neither" for your "nor". consider,

And as the phone keeps ringing, you realize that you have moved into that gray area, where you no longer know what you feel for her or care.
unneeded comma.
Don't need the "a".

This last sentence as a fragment kills me. I would suggest working it a bit to show some the power he has acheived over his own destiny.
Nice.

Keep at it, some nice prose.

Xonia

@ Wani: Thanks. And my name is Sonja ^_^

@ Eggo: Thank you. Which misspelled words? I changed the comma: I was doubting about that myself as well.

Btw, just thought I'd mention... I wrote this during class, in between taking notes.

Chris Miller

Hi Xonia,

If there were a lot of spelling/grammaticals they didn't leap out at me while I was reading.

I like this story because it is so simple and yet non-cliche. It threatens to be sappy, but then becomes real.

It examines a very crucial stage/transition of any relationship, one that is ignored by most poetry and prose. And, it does it in a very honest, even upbeat way.

Nice work, especially for a one-off, something I can never do.

__________________
the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

eggo

Hi Xonia,

bedsheets= bed sheets

realise=realize

recognise=recognize

intricatly=intricately

These were the words I found. Not a big deal. Any word processor should pick them up in a minute.

I re-read it and liked it the second time through as well. For something you scribbled in between classes it was great.

Thanks again

Xonia

@ Chris: Thank you very much!

@ Eggo: I'm Australian, so that explains the use of a "s" instead of a "z". Thanks for mentioning the other mistakes and I'm very pleased to hear that you still like it.

eggo

I get it, down under the z is up over.

My apologies.