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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: At my computer, isn't it obvious??
Gender: Male
Posts: 906
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Mutiny on Sanibar Island
I wrote this a while ago, and would love to hear some thoughts on it. Hope you like it!
Mutiny on Sanibar Island
By: Graff
Mantis forced the steel blade through Jack’s torso repeatedly, until he lay lifeless on the dirt. A dark blood pool formed around Jack’s body as Mantis looked down at him. Mantis was starting to feel sick about what he had just done, but still believed it necessary. Jack had betrayed him after all.
The rest of the crew had formed a circle around this spectacle, all watching in amazement at what had unfolded in front of them. Mantis stood dazed, sword hanging limply in his hand, blood running off the blade onto the ground. His hazel eyes were wide, gazing upon the body of his former teacher and master. He realized the responsibility he had just taken onto himself by this action.
He slowly looked up and made eye contact with a few of the crew, and said, “Well men, how about that gold.”
6 hours earlier.
Jack stood in the bright sun light, arms crossed, listening to the captains speech with questionable attentiveness. His thick, matted hair hung stiffly down over part of his face, hiding his uninterested eyes from the rest of the crew. The longer the captain droned on about respect and loyalty, the bigger the sweat stains around Jacks collar grew. The sun was blazing down on the grimy looking crew, as the captain stood under an over hang, shielded from the attacking heat.
Occasionally, Jack would catch one of the crew members gazing curiously in his direction. They all knew he was planning something, but not one of them had the nerve to inquire further into the affair, for they knew they would be informed when it was necessary. Some feared Jack, but all respected him. They respected him far more than they would ever respect the captain, John Flanagan. John would betray the crew the first chance he got, and they all knew it. They were headed for Sanibar Island, said to have more gold buried in it's depths than a man could ever want, and no one trusted Captain John to give them their fair share. They knew Jack wouldn't let things go wrong, and therefore, trusted him to take care of any lack of integrity coming from the Captain.
Jack had recently adopted a young crew member named Mantis as a kind of apprentice to him, in case anything went wrong. For the last three months, Jack and Mantis had been inseparable. Jack had just about taught Mantis everything he knew about survival at sea, and was surprised at how fast Mantis learned. The rest of the crew figured it wouldn't be long before Mantis surpassed Jack in knowledge, but nevertheless, Jack had far more experience.
"Ye all better have yer things ready to go when we hit land, cuz we aren't waitin' on anyone." Said the Captain. "Ye all remember what we need. Shovels, ropes, water, rum, and at least two pistols. We don't know if we're the first to arrive on Sanibar, and I don't want to lose that gold to no one. And I mean no one." He continued, eyeing Jack indiscreetly. "That gold is gonna to make us all rich men. We can have all the rum and women we want, and we'll never have to steal again. But that doesn't mean we're gonna stop!"
The crew rejoiced at this statement, cheering and banging mop handles on the wooden deck, creating a low thunder. Jack remained standing in one spot, arms still crossed in disinterest.
1 hour later.
There was a shifting thud as the mammoth wooden ship hit the sand lining the shore of Sanibar Island. All of the crew was ready to go as soon as they arrived, and began to evacuate the ship, gathering on the white sand beach. Some carried shovels and rope, and some carried water, rum and food. The rations consisted mainly of salt meat, bread, and of course, rum to drink.
After they had all gathered on shore, they started marching in a line towards where the gold was said to be hidden. The thick underbrush made their treck slow, but they still made their way towards their fortune.
“The map says it’s burried about a mile to the northeast.” Said Jack, looking down at the map drawn on parchment. It was drawn in black ink, and a small red “X” marked the burrial ground of the gold.
Before long, they reached what seemed to be the spot, and began to ferociously attack the ground with their shovels. The holes grew bigger and bigger and bigger, but they found nothing.
“What if there’s no gold here?” Said one of the crew members in a worried tone.
“Let’s try digging a bit to the right,” said Jack, “the map could be off by a meter or two.”
And so they did. They dug and dug and dug, and still, nothing. Then they became aware of a bigger problem.
“Hey, where’s Mantis?” Said a crew member, looking around.
“I guess he went to take a piss.” Replied Jack, although he knew very well where Mantis had gone.
The two of them had been planning this ever since they heard about the gold.
What they did was replace the map with a fake, marking the “X” in the wrong place. Mantis took the real map and went to find the gold on his own. He would return to the ship and get it ready to sail. Jack’s job was to keep the crew busy, and ultimatley, kill them. He was supposed to kill them all, so him and Mantis could keep all the gold to themselves. So far, the plan was working seamlessly. Except for one thing. Jack couldn’t bring himself to kill the crew. He had the only two pistols, and he couldn’t do it.
Sweat dripped off his forehead as he helped with the digging, knowing they weren’t going to find anything. He knew he couldn’t keep this up, and he couldn’t kill them, so he only had one choice. Tell them that Mantis might be taking the gold for himself, and they should return to the ship.
When he told them, they all agreed this might be what he was doing. They ran in a group back to the ship, to find Mantis loading a large crate onto the deck.
“Jack was right!” Yelled one the the crew members.
“Jack, you bastard, you didn’t follow through with the plan!” Mantis screamed in anger.
“I couldn’t do it. And I won’t do it.” Said Jack.
“Fine,” said Mantis, “I’ll just have to kill you.”
He shoved his sword through Jack’s midsection so quickly, he had no time to react. Mantis forced the steel blade through Jack’s torso repeatedly, until he lay lifeless on the dirt. A dark blood pool formed around Jack’s body as Mantis looked down at him. Mantis was starting to feel sick about what he had just done, but still believed it necessary. Jack had betrayed him after all.
The rest of the crew had formed a circle around this spectacle, all watching in amazement at what had unfolded in front of them. Mantis stood dazed, sword hanging limply in his hand, blood running off the blade onto the ground. His hazel eyes were wide, gazing upon the body of his former teacher and master. He realized the responsibility he had just taken onto himself by this action.
He slowly looked up and made eye contact with a few of the crew, and said, “Well men, how about that gold.”
But before the last word had left his mouth, the crew was on him. The stabbed him til he too, lay lifeless on the sand.
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"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.
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