semtecks

As I stand on the edge of the roof, twenty stories between me and death, I realise: Holy shit! I'm a nihilist.

“You have everything to live for,” The negotiator says. He's the only one up here with me, and if he gets any closer he's going to wake up every night for the next month hearing my screams fade away.

I wasn't always the crazy old man in the white, wash-faded shirt Bob the negotiator sees before him--Bob? I think he gave me a fake name, something easy to say so that he can pretend to be my friend; he has thick dark eyebrows that look like they'd meet in the middle if they weren’t plucked (his names probably Russian, hard to pronounce).

I used to be young, idealistic; a college communist with a world to change. Then I got older, got a girl and a kid on the way and suddenly I was a socialist. Then I got a job and I was a capitalist. Ten years after that I was a modernist; a materialist.

And what am I now?

Just an old man with a gammy leg and three days worth of beard on my face.

Someone who sees no value, purpose, or reason in the life he leads.

A nihilist with ten years worth of service left before I’m forcibly retired with one of those stupid clocks the company give those put out to pasture.

On the street below me people crowd like ants.

Waiting for the fall.

Waiting for the scream

Waiting for my body to hit the ground and explode like a watermelon.

The sun is setting--probably the last i'll ever see--and the colour is a bruised kind of pink. A small breeze kicks up and starts to play with my loosened tie.

“Please, talk to me?” the man who calls himself “Bob” says.

Just by craning my neck I can see he's idealistic. This thirty year old who saves lives for a living, and then probably goes home to a loving family. Does he go to church on Sunday? Does he give money to save the starving children in Africa?

Does he make his little girl pray to Jesus even though he knows that one day she'll resent him for lying to her?

“Jonathan,” “Bob” says, “I want to help you but i'll need you to work with me.”

“My names not Jonathon,” I say. “I am nothing. Just cosmic dust, about to be recycled. I am nothing but another drone who sees his place and refuses to play along.”

Now there’s silence from Bob. He probably sees that I'm not a man to see reason, not his reason, anyway. I think about telling him I’m a nihilist. But he wouldn't understand with his Brylcreamed hair, And his Armani shoes.

On the building opposite a sign flashes

DRINK COCA-COLA

on a red background. The screen goes blank and then it says

IT'S THE REAL THING!

It's cold up here in the nearing darkness. I tell “Bob” this, to which he offers me his jacket, POLICE stitched over the breast. I refuse, I won’t be needing it.

It's time. I raise my hands and let myself fall.

I'm free

Soaring through the air with my arms outstretched like an Olympic diver going for gold, air rushing past my face. Windows flash past me, the ground rushes towards me. The crowd parts to make space for me. There are mingled cries of horror, joy, and exhilaration.

In this moment I hear a mobile phone ring, and ring, and ring. It's mine--someone is trying to contact me, someone who hasn't realised Elvis has left the building.

For a moment I am free, and then the ground rushes up to embrace me like an old forgotten friend . . . .

***

The paramedic zips up the body bag.

“So who was he?” he asks a fat cop with a hacking smoker's cough. “Did he work in that building?”

The cop laughs a cold, smoke broken laugh. “Are you shittin' me? That was Jonathan Glassner, the god dam vice president of the whole company!”

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Wyndstar

This reminds me of a scene from 'Life According to Garp'. But the message is easier to grasp than a set of white gloves floating in the air.

If he didn't realize he was a nihilist until after he got on the ledge, what led him to the ledge in the first place?

I love this line. For some reason, I can visualize him laughing largely at what seems to be a comical irony that the reader gets finally as they read the story.

Granted, this is a sort of cliche, its been done, but there's a sort of jaunty fun to this that just got to me, so I'm gonna put away the yellow marker.

I got THAT saved for your vampire story that keeps yelling at me like that 'COKE' sign in THIS story...

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gohn67

Hey Semtecks,

Yes, I agree. I have no problem that you started here though, but I really feel that you can make this longer, start farther back. It'd be interesting. I think it would be like a mix between American Beauty and Fight Club. Two of my favorite movies.

I also liked the open sentence. It's a great hook.

I think this simile is kind of weak.

I loved the flashing COke sign. That was a nice touch.

I think what made this story work for me was the voice of the narrater. I found it very effective and easy to follow, engaging.

It seems like you wrote this really quick as there are alot of errors, but not one's that detracted from my reading.

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Chris Miller

I enjoyed this story semtecks. Good descriptions. Liked the ground rushing up.

Aside from the guy being about to totally like erase his own map, I don't see what made him a nihlist. And you don't ever tell me. If you are going to have one of your characters off himself, I think you owe it to us to tell us why, even if you only allocate a sentence or so to it.

The Bob character did not strike me as a pro. In everything he says, he focuses on himself. That is not the approach a professional negotiator would take with a potential suicide. I'm pretty sure you could research suicide counselling on the net for ideas.

A few typos. Not too many.

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Graff

Hi Semtecks! Once again, a great read. You seem to consistantly write great short stories. I like how the majority of them take place in only a moment. Just a small section of time, and described in perfect detail. Good stuff, keep it up!

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eggo

Hey Semtecks,

I could see you were going for the Psychiatric derivation of nihilist.

This perhaps doesn't exclude self-realization as you propose. I think the point was he wasn't sure why he climbed up there until he got there. And when he did the revelation of him not believing in reality and his own extistance was the reason he was there.

Nice use of the Coke motto to bring home the point.

Although its, as someone else pointed out overdone, its interesting to find out what goes through some ones mind before the sidewalk does.

I will agree with Chris in a fashion. The negotiator was a friggin' idiot. Some meaningful thoughts brought up by him, if only used internally would add a great dimension to the story.

Thanks, keep truckin'

Cipher2

This was very entertaining, with a flowing narrative. Does it matter if he can or can't be a Nihlist? He thinks he is so why presume that one minute before commiting suicide he would worry about being so accurate?

Interesting how the protagonist continues to narrate after his own death!

Nice details.

eggo

He kills himself because of it, so i was thinking it was kinda important.



..at least to him.

semtecks

Thanks everybody for taking a look at my little story.

Why he decides to classify himself as a nihilis when he's suspended on the edge of a building . . .

I have no idea. I guess it's a frame of mind that justifies self destruction. Suicide is really a comforting idea. Contemplating suicide is like stepping into a warm bath. I just imagined this guy using nihilism to explain away his depression. i haven't see Life According to Garp, Wyndstar. Is it the film where the little boy is trying to take care of his overweight mother?

Eggo:

Hey Semtecks,

I could see you were going for the Psychiatric derivation of nihilist.

Quote:
A delusion, experienced in some mental disorders, that the world or one's mind, body, or self does not exist.

Actually not the pychiatric derivation, but the--i'm not sure--the philisophical derivation? I read somewhere that someone--maybe Niche--considered Christianity to be nihilistic because of it's emphasis on "reward in heaven." I don't know what influenced me to write this. Nihilism as a concept has always been a concept that i find hard to grasp. I just had the image of a nihilist about to jump to his doom and rolled with it. I don't now if i'll bother expanding it; if i do then i'm in for some research, i guess

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Sephiroth

[quote="semtecks"].

On the street below me people crowd like ants.

Waiting for the fall.

Waiting for the scream

Waiting for my body to hit the ground and explode like a watermelon.

[quote]

i really liked that bit, the way hat you took a new line for each sentance there made the situation seem more urgent, for lack of a better word.
also i liked the ending.

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Cipher2

My point is I might go into a MCdonalds with a baseball bat, and smash it up thinking that I am making an important protest for anti-capitalism. It doesn't matter if you go and get a dictionary and find the definition and it is wrong. The point is that if you write about that in first person you could say 'I am an anti-capitalist' and the reliability of the narrator would be another issue.

eggo

No worries Cipher,

I understand your point exactly. To the reader it would be no more important that he called himself a three-toed tree sloth. But to the character in the story it was very important,
The character was a very well versed, intelligent person who applied labels to himself all his life. He lived those labels and took pride in their application. To have him bring his life to a close, while applying a irrational label to himself would have been completely contrary to his own nature, insane or not.

Whether we believe or not he is a nihilist is irrelevant true, but to him it is everything.

Cheers!