First, some edits:
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I slam it down and get climb back into my seat to fire the ignition again.
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Strike “get”
“teef” ?
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I got to the garage and met with a blonde receptionist who had as much body work done to her as any car this shop had ever seen.
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“had had as much body work…”
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Every few minutes she would get up go deliver a message…
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Word missing?
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...conciliatory as a eunuch in a strip club.
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“an eunuch”
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There was a wooden seat with no cushions was a foot away from me.
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Strike 2nd “was”
There’s a few more. I’ll let you find ‘em if you care. I’m enjoying the read.
You show some nice descriptive prowess. You write ambitiously. I am not sure if I found this gratuitously vulgar or not. But I did find a lot of it funny. Real funny. Love the descriptions of the sister’s boyfriend.
Didn’t get the ending. Didn’t quite get the story as a whole either, but it was a fun and entertaining read. Perhaps that is enough.
(Also, Updyke is one of my favorite authors.)
