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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
08-18-2005, 01:50 AM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Seattle, Wa
Posts: 68
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Remember: Old Postcards
Dear Sherry,
Between the pages of a book stuffed into a dark corner of my bookshelf I found a picture of you smiling before a background of flowers and sunshine. Stoned and happy--I thought you would like this picture. But, I’m gonna keep it for myself between the pages of my lost book and let it sit in the dark corner because I think it preserved the picture. Let old love stay sweet memory. Let the picture stay fresh and like new for now (it hasn’t aged much) and gradually fade to yellow, to obscurity, with time. It’s been four or five years now. Tom Waits said, “old shoes and picture postcards,” and now I have both. A postcard from times past; before tragedy, before loss--of innocence and life--life was sweet when it didn’t mean a thing, in retrospect. In a way it’s a reminder to send you off. The picture looks so new! You were always the sage, the teacher, muse. It’s a patient kick in the ass that tells me to let go of all those hopes and dreams. This isn’t a dream. It scares me now to feel the way I did then. That smile--eyes closed and puffy red, big yummy lips--I will never kiss again, nor send thoughts to.
I've carried you around with me long in my thoughts. I care about you still though we haven’t talked in I don’t know how long (I guess it’s been four or five years) and you only live a mile from me! I’ll stop by the restaurant and say hi. You have been with me under my armpits, beneath my knees, rubbing my belly, late at night in my dreams... ya’ know. But I’m gonna keep this picture in my book and forget about it all and someday it’ll be a surprise again and I’ll write you.
You float around my bed at night singing arias, please stop. I am not a loom into which new beginnings can be spun.
I’m letting you go from me, Sherry. Out from my belly go forth! Go yonder dammit, leave me alone. Giddyup! I’ve no more guilt or remorse because I don’t want it anymore. I realize that architects know nothing about the world, nor mathematicians; only magicians. Nothing that matters is fixed. Matter may be fixed, but what matters is not fixed. I’m gonna un-fix you from my belly and dreams because you’re no longer here. You are not here! You’re somewhere else, somewhere better I can only hope, a mile up the road where headstones are a forest of grey solitude; silent chatter beneath the waving arms of oak trees cooling bones. Leave me alone Sherry.
That’s right, the restaurant let you go. I’ll never go there again. Sherry, I’m letting you go too. You must move on. I love you and will keep the picture of your beautiful smiling face, full of life and hope and love, until it fades. In time, I think the only picture I’ll have of you’ll be what I remember of who you are--not of your body or face--but who you are to me.....
<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><< ;<<<<<<
comments are desired
__________________
The two men became suspects in the duck's disappearance after depuites realized that the two lived next door to the duck's owner, Detective Troyer said. Investigators believe the men hit the duck's head with a hammer, let a dog bite at it and pulled it's feathers out. Eventually they ate it, Deputies said.
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08-18-2005, 09:49 AM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fergus, Ontario CA
Posts: 2,676
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re: sherry
Hi marl,
This piece evoked a strong emotional response in me. It has the ring of truth. You narrative is soft and whimsical and magical, but also stark and precise and believable. Learning that the object of this "letter" is in the cemetary was a powerful twist--you developed her character that well, and yours.
Only grammatical suggestion, don't let a hyphen do the work of a double-dash. Hyphens (-) connect words like "my over-the-hill dog" and dashes (--) delimit phrases to be emphasized (opposite of parenthesis which are whispered asides).
Strong writing in my opinion. Nice work.
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08-18-2005, 12:28 PM
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#3
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Seattle, Wa
Posts: 68
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Hey Chris,
Thanks for the suggestion -- I'll make the appropriate changes to the story. I did not know the difference between a single and a double dash, and now I do. Anything to improve communication helps greatly. I'm glad you had an emotional response, it aims to cause an emotional response in the reader and hopefully reflection. Thanks again, marl
__________________
The two men became suspects in the duck's disappearance after depuites realized that the two lived next door to the duck's owner, Detective Troyer said. Investigators believe the men hit the duck's head with a hammer, let a dog bite at it and pulled it's feathers out. Eventually they ate it, Deputies said.
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08-18-2005, 01:04 PM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fergus, Ontario CA
Posts: 2,676
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re: dashes
One last observation: there should be no spaces around the dashes "--".
I don't know much--but I know this.
Unique among punctuation in this regard I guess.
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08-18-2005, 01:07 PM
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#5
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Seattle, Wa
Posts: 68
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thanks Chris. I'll fix it. marl
__________________
The two men became suspects in the duck's disappearance after depuites realized that the two lived next door to the duck's owner, Detective Troyer said. Investigators believe the men hit the duck's head with a hammer, let a dog bite at it and pulled it's feathers out. Eventually they ate it, Deputies said.
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