anetjie

This is depression:

Your mind is blocked
With a wall you can’t see past.

Suddenly
Pain and numbness are the only things you feel.
All that you used to love
Have passed from your mind
Lost in your cries.

Hate
That’s all you feel for yourself
It has become your only passion.
A concentrated substance
That doesn’t fade away.

Questions
How can anyone be so imperfect?
How can anyone be so repulsive?
Why do they bother with me?
When I am so useless?

Isolation.
Even when you are surrounded by people you feel alone.
No one understands you,
They don’t feel what you feel
You are all alone.

Paranoia.
Everyone is staring at you.
They are all out to get you.
To condemn you,
Judge you.

Harm.
They see the cuts on your arms
And their lips curl in disgust.
You can’t reject the urges
It’s your only release.

Accusations.
They tell you to snap out of it
And you can’t.
It’s not as easy as that
And right now it seems impossible.

Friends.
They think you’re a fake
Seeking attention
Some of them leave you
Some of them hurt you.

Help.
It’s out there,
It’s everywhere.
Don’t go through this alone
Because it’s just too hard.

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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means

gohn67

Hi Antejie,
Sounds like a poem. I'm no good with poetry. But I like this because it sounds really true, and I can feel the power in your words. I have a bit of social anxiety disorder or something like that, so I can relate to this. I've felt the same things. Still do.

Thanks for posting this.

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anetjie

Thats okay, and yeah, i just realised that this is more of a poem..SORRY, its just that i usually just post stories and it slipped my mind...
I wrote this because I had a mate accuse me of being a fakely depressed person and it killed so much, and this was my release...

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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means

Keridwen

I hate that - people accusing people of being 'fake'. If you're friends don't believe you, who will?

I liked that poem/story. Like gohn67 said, powerful and moving words. How could they possibly understand having not gone through it themselves?? I'm not much of an expert on this topic, having not suffered this myself, but if someone is reaching out for help, they should get it, not be called a 'fake'. Hope you ditched that mate, Anetjie.

Wyndstar

Hi

You really should put this in the poetry section---it deserves more reviews than this.

I like how you start most of your stanzas with a single statement word. They serve as identifiers and attention getters. Nicely done.

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Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.

anetjie

Thanks a lot guys, I'm actually crying. I wrote this as a release..after a mate accused me of being an attention seeking fake, this is just how I released the sadness I felt.
This girl, I found out, did the same to a mate of mine who is also depressed, and it screwed up my other mate so much she didn't come to school for a whole term.
I am so touched with your comments, as I didn't think i'd get any...you see I did this for myself, but with the intention of maybe helping others understand..helping those who suffer and helping those who have accused someone of being 'fake' to think twice and maybe appologise.
Much thanks,
I am so moved.
lots of love,
Anetjie

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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means

anetjie

oh and the one word thing, for the sake of wyndstar, I dont know how I ended up doing that...it sort of developed.
WHat I did with this was to write a letter, crapply written, saying exactly how I feel, then somehow, it just turned into a poemy thing..with the one word. I thought it would be effective and seems like it is, so I'm very glad. Sometimes you just need to write and great things will come out without any intention...
Lots of love,
Anetjie

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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means

Taz

Great work really spoke to me keep up the good work

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With passion and enthusiasm we shall succeed!

marl

anetjie,

This seems to come from the heart, which I realize it does after reading your reply. This is a theme which probably everyone can relate with. I like the part best about people telling you to snap out of it. If it were that easy, would you continue to do it? It's a scared response to something people don't want to understand in themselves. I'm not a shrink (but maybe a bit of a psycho...), though I feel I can relate to what you're saying. I like the poem alot, it comes from the gut and heart and is real. I like that. Thanks, marl

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anetjie

Thanks marl and everyone else for replying

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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means