Locked-Up Intellect - Writers Forum

Achilles · 08-15-2005, 06:03 PM

[an:1d7601ca23]School has arrived...meaning that most of the stuff posted by me around here will be school related. This was today's creative writing assignment. Unfortunately, there was very little creative about the topic. We were told to write at least two paragraphs "from the perspective of a locker." That's absolutely impossible to keep from sounding montrously corny. This is my attempt. I tried (quite badly) at making it satyrical, and I don't know how it turned out. Comments, proofreads, suggestions welcome.[/an:1d7601ca23]

Locked-Up Intellect

I often hear humans complain, but I don't even know what could be bad enough to warrant such incessent whining. Maybe it's because they aren't shiny; maybe it's because they aren't useful. I wouldn't know. I'm only a depressed locker.

Other lockers are so perky. Their metal is polished to a mirrored sheen, and their knobs are cleaned to perfection. I, however, am regarded with a sneer or an expletive simply because I'm old. Through the years I have been turned into what I am now--bitter, abandoned, and disregarded from the locker community because of my blue comments. Now I am a nobody, ID tag #106, whittled away to a skeleton of my former self.

From my unobstrusive viewpoint I can silently observe the human race and nitpick the flaws in their morals. I think deeply, and wish supremely that I could speak all the things I've discovered. I've tried Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and Christianity. For a while I even dabbled in existentialism, but I soon found out my place in the universe is no more glorious than my formerly attained state of severe depression. Alas! My extensive windom will forever be kept to myself.

Now I just sit. An intellectually perfect locker turned bitter with age and others' disdain. God only knows what words I would speak--what I could do to help. But those poor humans are too morally corrupt to listen to what I have to say. Yes, if they listen closely they can hear me murmur. Just as they can hear the wind, the stars, or the trees. But pride inhibits them. It's always pride.

seraphserpent · 08-15-2005, 06:22 PM

Ha! That was cute (in a funny, goofy way). I love the different religions. That was the best part, in my opinion. And the end (I know you weren't going for this) but it made me kind of think. We hear the trees and wind and water murmer because we want it to and it's romantic or peaceful or whatever people call it, but if someone said "listen to the lockers murmer" the nut house would hold its doors wide open for at person.

I'm slightly insane myself (not dangerously!) so next time I'm near a locker, I will definatly listen for its murmer.

I didn't find any problems with it, but don't hold me to that. I tend to skip little, unimportant things for the sake of enjoying the story.

One more thing: What does expletive mean?

Achilles · 08-15-2005, 07:08 PM

Quote:

And the end (I know you weren't going for this) but it made me kind of think.

Oh contrare. My main purpose was to make people think, but the thoughts were slightly under the surface. I'm afraid that some of my main points were kind of lost, but at least it stands alone as a sort of cute assignment.

I was trying to convey the arrogance of the human race--in a very satyrical way. I tried to tell that we can learn much from inanimate objects if we but stop to observe. I also tried to show some irony in the fact the this insanely pompous locker is condoning human pride. These points may not have been strong enough...

Quote:

One more thing: What does expletive mean?

A curse. At least I hope that's what it means, otherwise I made a big mistake.

Thanks for reading seraph.

bobothegoat · 08-15-2005, 11:41 PM

I liked it. It was full of little nuances. You did an excellent job of putting a lot into such a small piece.

Expletive is a vulgar or obscene exclamation, by the way. So yeah, expletive is a curse.