Tunkpirate

Anyone For Desert?

Somewhere in Reno a man with fingers the size of pork sausages has just placed two months rent on red. At home his wife is doing her afternoon routine: making sure his favorite shirts have been washed, cleaning, watching General Hospital. Somewhere on Highway 50, a white pickup with out of state plates is making a beeline for the horizon. The driver is a woman, very tan and wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a tank top. She hangs one foot out the window, and is taping her pink sparkling toe to the beat of Stevie Nicks. Outside a bird has landed in the burnt cheat grass. Somewhere in Grubbs Well a long distance telephone is ringing in a payphone behind an abandoned 7-11. No one is in earshot. Somewhere on America's Loneliest Highway a man is sitting on top of a guitar case and playing a cover of an Eagles song. His hair is long and juts out from under his worn baseball cap. He has no shirt. In the distance he can see a car peaking over the horizon. The dealer takes the mans chips and prepares to spin the wheel. She gets off in a half hour and in already thinking about a bath. The man takes off his glasses to wipe his brow, but his sweat stained tee-shirt doesn’t seem to help much. His wife is making hamburger helper for dinner, her son should be home from practice soon. The driver steers with her free foot so she can put on more lipstick. The thermometer reads 105. Her lips are the color of flamingoes. She passes a dead prairie dog. The phone cuts off. No one even heard it. Did it really even ring? He hits the chorus of Hotel California. The dot on the horizon has turned into what looks like a truck. He’s out of cigarettes The roulette wheel spins faster. The colors merge into one. The man wishes he had played blackjack. MASH is coming on, he should be home for dinner soon. She can see a hitchhiker beside the road a little ways up. She considers putting on pants. Maybe after the joint is rolled. The truck slows to a halt. Carrions attack the road kill. She's beautiful he thinks. Did I pass out? Mirage? The wheel stops on black. The macaroni is cold. “Where you headed?” she asks. “To pick up the phone.”

Even I dont know about this one...just thought it would be a fun first addition to the site

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"Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little bit to test that it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain."

mememe

Interesting. I love the way the pace picks up - very clever stuff. I like it.

gohn67

I like this also. Cool concept. I'm going to have to read it again to see how everything connects. I also like how the pace picks.

Americas = America's

Is Reno the guy's name or Reno the city.

If it's the city, then it should be "in" instead of "is"

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The Frowning Dog Blog

seraphserpent

Ok, first of all, I liked it because it screams "weird!" at me and that's just my sort of thing. I liked the sudden change of characters. I loved how they kind of connect (I'm going to have to read it again to get it all)

The girl in her underwear is down right comical. I love it. I wish I thought of stuff like that!

All that being said, I'm a tiny bit confused. I didn't follow all the changes of POV and I found it a little hard to read. Maybe break it into paragraphs? I'm not sure if that would harm your story or not.

But I did like it. Just my sort of thing. I have to say that it is a fun addition to the site!

Achilles

Very nice. I usually don't read short stories, but this one really grabbed my attention.
I agree. At least severeal paragraphs at the beginning, where you are introducing the characters.
taping=tapping, I believe.

The pace was great; it was very enjoyable to read. I actually came in here to correct you on the typo in your subject line, but it all connected soon enough.

Great job.

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The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

Tunkpirate

its tough for me to even begin to describe this piece because I don't really truly understand it myself. Do the characters connect, yes and no. Does it all make sense, not really. I wanted it to feel like a dream, and I purposely left out any breaks. The truth though, is if I could die and return in this piece...Id want to be the girl with the pink toes.

__________________
"Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little bit to test that it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain."