Graff

This is one of those things where you just sit down and write what comes out. Very different from what I usually do.

The Cave

The opening of the cave grins at me as I stand in front of it. It breathes it’s chilling breath on me, and I shiver. I want so badly to enter, but I musn’t. My body begins to move against my will, ever closer to the opening. I give every bit of myself, attempting to resist, but it’s no use. The cave has me in it’s synister talons, and it’s not letting go. My shoes drag in the slick mud as I’m pulled through the jagged opening, and into the blackness.
I see nothing. I try speaking, but hear nothing. I say “Help me”, and no one answers. I yell out to everyone I’ve ever trusted, and they betray me. I feel sick in the darkness, something is watching.
There is laughter. Something is laughing at my helplessness. “Come to me,” it says, “come to me.” I still try to resist, but I can do nothing to stop it. I’m still in its cold grasp, and I continue to penetrate the darkness, moving ever closer to the voice.
Suddenly, I’m pulled under water. The cold wetness engulfs my body. I can’t breathe, yet I’m still held under. Death is near, and I see a glint of metal through the thick blackness. I’m right at the edge, but am pulled above the surface. I gasp for air, but am moving so quickly I still can’t breathe.
Light. I am on top of a tower. All I can see is clouds surrounding. I move towards the edge. I am thrown and am falling. Gaining speed. I am through the clouds, and can see the ground. It slowly approaches, mocking my helplessness as the voice did. My limbs are frozen. The ground is close.
Bang! I wake up. “Did you have a bad dream honey?” Says my wife. “I—I think so.” I manage to say. “It’s strange how fast I can come from my worst fears to my place of complete happiness. Here with you.” I say, stricken. She takes my head in her arms and I fall asleep listening to her breath.

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"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.

ToucanMan

Very nice story, break it into paragraphs and it will be nicer.

“It’s strange how fast I can come from my worst fears, to my place of complete happiness." -- take away the comma in this sentence and you have a grammatically perfect story.

I’m still in it’s cold grasp, -- its cold grasp

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"A toucan can't keep toucankind ticking, but two can."

eggo

Hi Graff,

An interesting story that has some great possibilities. You use some good imagery to describe the cave. The story was very choppy which is kind of expected for it's dream-like quality. I would put some spacing in the story as it tends to ramble without them.

Graff

Did some spacing and fixed the grammar errors that toucan pointed out

__________________
"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." -- William Strunk Jr.