Taz

Deleted i hope

thedarkboots

Very well written and the start to a sad story. I get the impression that Stella will get revenge for her grandfather in some way or another. I would love to read more of this story.

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ToucanMan

Very sad and beautiful! It almost brought tears to my eyes. The only father I ever knew was my grandfather. Although, he wasn't a gentle rebel like the one in your story.
Adding a few missing commas to the story would do wonders for it.

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"A toucan can't keep toucankind ticking, but two can."

Chris Miller

Thank-you Taz,

Beautiful and honest. Wonderful sentiment. Warrants your dividing it into paragrapshs, and fixing the numerous misspellings, punctuation and other grammatical errors.

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the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

Wyndstar

I get the sense you wrote this quickly to get it down before it slipped away, or you were overwhelmed. It communicates a great deal despite its brevity, and is very poignant. I agree with Chris that it deserves a thorough go thru for errors and restructuring because this is a really nice piece and deserves proper presentation.

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gohn67

Seem likes an ending to a story to me. A nice ending though, sad, but nice. If you want you could try to expand this a bit more. Try to develop the characters and plot more.

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eggo

I agree with those before me, that although this piece is peppered with errors, it had a very real quality to it. The story had some tangibles to it i look for in stories whenever i read them.

One thing I will say is that the revenge line at the end seems added and distracts from the story.

I know , I know the revenge part is the story the way you have it written. I'm just suggesting you think about a different path.

anetjie

taz i recon this is really a good start (or end) to a story...write more

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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means