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Hey - just me, checking in.
You're fortunate to have all this helpful critique on here. I just have one little thing to add: Wonderful. Not meaning it was wonderful (though it was very, very good in its simple, charming way) but that you used the word "wonderful" three times in the first few paragraphs. That was the one thing which definitely put me off.
Unless it was meant to be that way... which, on reflecting, it probably was. Hmm. In which case, as I say to a lot of people, emphasise it - how peppy and naïve Franz sounds.
Nice one, though. Keep it up.
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Never get so attached to a poem
you forget truth that lacks lyricism
and never draw so close to the heat
that you forget that you must eat
- En Gallop, Joanna Newsom
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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means
