Red Paint - Writers Forum

Wyndstar · 07-17-2005, 05:27 PM

This came five minutes after reading yours, eggo. Thank you so much for providing the inspiration...

RED PAINT

I never asked my husband how I looked in any of my clothes. Though it would have been nice to hear I was sexy in them, it just wouldn’t have meant much coming from a man who hinted that I was only sexy after he was desperate with a hard on from watching nighttime cable.

No, the only thing he noticed about my clothes and me was how much they came to on the joint credit card…

“…You need to take a bath.” He tossed at me in passing on his way to the refrigerator “You’ve got the kid’s red paint all on the ice box when you went in it…”

He had to have felt the familiar red goo, because his gaze never left the television, even as he rummaged around for his beer.

“I was at a birthday party. For Paullina’s son.” I answered, moving to the bathroom unimpeded.

“Paula.” He spoke with a detachment I’d long grown numb to “A bowling buddy---sure.”

“Sure.” I sighed.

I didn’t bowl though. I took art lessons.

“Thought so.” He responded smugly “I saw the receipt for poster paint. Little Jr. sure has a passion for it, judging from how much you bought him.”

“He sure does.” I agreed, talking so loudly over the shower that it muted any off tones in my voice.

“But you didn’t buy him any paper.” My husband mentioned, shambling heavily in front of the television and slamming his wide load into a lover greater than me “What’s the poor kid going to paint on?”

As I removed pasties, my poster painted top swirled down into the drain along with the large, adult male handprint painted along my inner thigh, “I absentmindedly told my husband “Oh, we pulled off something.”

By that time however, my husband had lost interest in the red paint.

Next time, I’d buy ‘Jr.’ russet brown paint.

It would match my hair…

shadowseer · 07-17-2005, 05:44 PM

hm.....it seemed very intriguing, but i'm assuming she was having an affair or something, i don't really get. it. Was the kid doing something?
If so, that'd be kinda............................................. ..odd.

Rejected · 07-17-2005, 05:59 PM

This sounds like a story a pedophile would write... odd. I can't say I like it much, and if it isn't a story about the kid messing arround with the woman, then I just plain don't understand the story.

gohn67 · 07-17-2005, 06:21 PM

Hey Wyndstar,
This story is really intrigueing. Well written. The dialogue is good.

Here's how I interpretted the story. But at first I was thinking Pedolphilia also...

Since the husband doesn't care about how her clothes look. And only cares about how much they cost. The wife, lets Jr draw on her clothes wiht red paint. Which the husband doesnt even notice since he's so tranfixed on the Tele. So that's kind of liek a revenge on her husband.

Wyndstar · 07-17-2005, 07:32 PM

This is actually based on a true story. I had a girlfriend who was on our bowling team, and her husband pretty much ignored her. It was really bad, so she started taking art classes, met someone whose real name I won't give, and started getting close with her son (who was an adult, I assure you). One day we teased her about how unobservant the lout she married was, so I made a suggestion about making clothes out of paint, like on sports illustrated (hence, the pasties) and see if he'd ask questions. He didn't. even get to the hand print (see "...large, adult male handprint..." for those who thought pedophile). The guy just got annoyed about paint over whatever. I made up the dialog and what went on in her head. Because the hubby didn't even notice, she went on to have the affair. The story was an exercise and so far, I've succeeded at what I was going for.

gohn67 · 07-17-2005, 07:35 PM

That's funny because the was one of my first impression and then I out thought myself...

I realized that with "Jr' in quotes.
But somehow I missed the Adult part of the Handprint part.

Gehrig · 07-18-2005, 08:46 PM

I liked this story though I must say that I did not understand the point. That is not criticism, but rather that it simply went by me. The imagery is excellent, however, and with a little polish this could become a gem.

Well done!

eggo · 07-18-2005, 10:25 PM

Very nice Wyndstar,

I got the story right away, a very daring move by a woman driven by desperation. The dialog worked great in the piece with the woman's laughter lying just underneath, daring her husband to put two and two together.

Quote:

He had to have felt the familiar red goo, because his gaze never left the television, even as he rummaged around for his beer.

Funny

My husband mentioned, shambling heavily in front of the television and slamming his wide load into a lover greater than me

Great imagery.

Their were a few punctuation errors that I know you usually catch, but sometimes we all like to throw an inspired work out there while its still fresh in your mind. Errors be damned!

I'm glad I offered a bit of inspiration to this,
Pete

Chris Miller · 07-18-2005, 10:41 PM

Hi Wyndstar,

Nice short. Had an authentic feel. I sense some trademark animosity... in your writing... Ah, never mind.

The woman is wearing body paint and pasties and has grope marks on her, and her husband never notices. He stays glued to the TV. This is understatedly hilarious. Very subtle and funny. I almost sense she is working as a peeler in some strip club behind his back.

All I noticed crit/edit-wise were a few missing periods and some that maybe should have been commas. Might also ease up on some of the adverbs and substitue with more precise descriptions.

I like that it takes me a couple of reads to process your stories. I think this one may even warrant one more pass.

Wyndstar · 07-19-2005, 10:55 AM

See gohn, its that poker thing, I got told poker players always over think things. But that's cool because you still got it.

Gehrig-its okay that you didn't quite get this. I do that to a lot of people. But you tried and I appreciate that.

eggo - wrote this RIGHT after reading yours. I had to pull the journal down for some of the finer points (I wasn't sure about the pasties) and you're right---spur of the moment.

Chris - oh yeah, the animosity thing. I have a very sarcastically upbeat nature. The upbeat I usually save for that series I've had running since I was five. I should write that up beat one about the sex toy repair job (true story too)but I promised that scene to Ilan. Yeah, caught the little errors. Sort of hard to catch those with a 2 year old climbing all over you (as we speak). I just wanted to get the thing out before he deleted it---I lose a lot that way.

Maria-I don't usually condone affaires, honest. I do know a lot of bad marriages though (sadly) They did get a divorce btw. It was overdue. At least there were no kids involved.

This took me 30 minutes to type. That is SOOO sad...