To the editor of The Washington Post - Writers Forum

semtecks · 07-17-2005, 03:46 PM

To the Editor of The Washington Post.

Our organisation is very proud of the fact that not one snuff movie has ever been found in the United States, U.K, or France. However, in the light of our recent retirement we have decided to let our whole backlog be “found”.

We have been working as a small team for the past fifteen years; me as director, editor, and producer; with two cameramen; and, of course, The Gimp, who can be seen in most of our movies, dressed in a black leather suit for the concealment of his identity.

We are not murderers, only businessmen. We chose our actors by the quality that has been set by Hollywood—blonde bimbos with big boobs—fortunately they were not hard to find. However, when we had custom jobs, we would seek the qualities our benefactors demanded. See Differently Abled, where the legless woman is thrown from a plane; and The One Eyed Snake, where the one-eyed Vietnamese girl is locked in a room with a hundred live rattlesnakes.

Due to the nature of our paying audience our actors are mostly women. There are two exceptions to this rule, Gratefully Dead, where an English rock band are summarily executed and Gone Fishing, where a Hari-Krishna man is fed to a pack of great white sharks (both custom jobs, of course).

You will find our entire collection on DVD in locker 17e at LAX airport.

You will not find us, but we will take great pleasure in knowing our work is finally getting the exposure it deserves; even if our names are not spoken and our faces unseen.

You will not know the names of our customers, either. Be content with knowing this: They are the judges, lawyers, lords, popes and future leaders of this world. If, and indeed, when this story hits, it will hit hard. They will be the ones to complain about the lack of morality in the world.

Yours faithfully,
Anonymous.

P.S.

If you’re wondering why we’ve come to you instead of the police, the answer is simple: They are our biggest customer base.

Ilan Bouchard · 07-17-2005, 03:53 PM

Heh heh heh....

DannyK · 07-17-2005, 04:04 PM

nice and twisted, =)

but a bit unclear for my simple mind. I had to read it more than twice, and not in the good way.

Wyndstar · 07-17-2005, 05:35 PM

Oh so satisfyingly, indulgently, sick and twisted.

Big boobed blondes victims. Tragic, probably true, pitiful...

shadowseer · 07-17-2005, 05:38 PM

wyndstar hit the nail on the head,
i <3 it

gohn67 · 07-17-2005, 06:42 PM

This was so twisted, Semtecks. Awesome job.

Quote:

However, when we had custom jobs, we would seek the qualities our benefactors demanded. See Differently Abled, where the legless woman is thrown from a plane; and The One Eyed Snake, where the one-eyed Vietnamese girl is locked in a room with a hundred live rattlesnakes.

This is so screwed up But awesome.

Chris Miller · 07-18-2005, 10:14 AM

You really excel at this type of thing semtecks.

A couple minor details:

Quote:

We are not murderers, only businessmen. We chose our actors by the quality that has been set by Hollywood…

Awkward, unclear tense. “We were not murderers…” “…that had been set…”
quality=standards

Sharks swim in schools, not packs.

I love the titles and brief descriptions of the various flicks.

This little flash is really crying out to be a novel. Obviously the pace and humour would have to be modified.

I like the dark statements about our leaders. Not sure I like the media either though. They are a big part of it too. War is a snuff flick.