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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 07-15-2005, 10:24 AM   #1
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dyingroseofthelonely
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Hide and Seek

Once upon a time there existed a child. The child was odd, she never fit in. Not even the freaks accepted her. She was ignored. Like a dandelion in a field of daisies. Though she smiled and believed the world was beautiful she knew better. So many times ignored by her peers she turned her back on them and walked away. She walked till she found other children playing hide and seek. They were younger, but she did not care, all that was on her mind was play. She asked to join and they happily obliged. She hid somewhere that was open but still concealed. She hid behind the stairs crouched near the ledge of the wall. Children that played hide and seek ran past her but they never noticed. The bell rang and she would leave unnoticed from the game. She went back every day, hid in the same place, hoping to be found. But everyday the bell would ring and no one ever saw.

That girl grew up. She stopped hiding behind the stairs, but no one has found her. She left her spirit there and her shell walks invisibly through the halls. She walks the world empty to all. To those that know she didn’t know she was a shell. Even though she never hid again she visited the place in her dreams, in the deep recesses of her mind, the place of shades and figments.
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Old 07-15-2005, 11:15 AM   #2
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TimK
Hi, DyingRose. This sounds like a compelling character description. I don't think I'd call it a story. The first paragraph could be the start of a story. In order to build the rest of it into a story, you should put this character into a conflict and show us how she deals with it. Off the top of my head, she could be in a situation where she needs to get noticed in order to accomplish some noble goal. Or maybe someone else needs to notice her in order for him to accomplish some noble goal. Or maybe there's some other person who does notice her and loves her, but because of her pattern she believes otherwise. There are many other variations.

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Old 07-16-2005, 06:55 PM   #3
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dyingroseofthelonely
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Thank you. I will try to fix it more. I didn't really know what I was writing at first and it sort of came out like that. I will see if from the first paragraph I can make anything, but its going to take me a very long time.
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Old 07-16-2005, 09:14 PM   #4
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Hmm... I'm not sure what it is about this one that I didn't necessarily like and I didn't fully understand the last paragraph.

I did however like the comparason that you made in the following quote:

Quote:
She was ignored. Like a dandelion in a field of daisies.
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Old 07-21-2005, 06:40 PM   #5
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dyingroseofthelonely
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In reality I don't know what I was writing. I just had to get something that had been bothering me and I just wrote that. I still am trying to understand it. Thats why I posted it here. maybe with help I can really turn it into something good.
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Now I count to three
Slit my wrist
And now I'm free.
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