As Gohn Said, an interesting concept, but I did notice a few things.
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The Room of my sentence, to watch my life “tick-tock” away; like a used gum wrap
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I don't understand the gum-wrap metaphor, and it seems to be just jumping into the middle of a story rather than a first sentence. You might consider something more complete, like this:
"In this place, the room of my sentencing, I am cursed to watch my life 'tick-tock' away; like an autumn leaf (or some other metaphor)."
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This room of clocks I have sat in for a while now. 40 years to be exact...
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These two sentences could be combined with the end after "exact." Also, "This room of clocks I have sat in for a while..." sounds wierd and cumbersome. The "have sat" doesn't fit with the rest of the story's present tense. Perhaps
"I have been sitting in this room of clocks for a while now - 40 years to be exact."
Would sound better. Or even:
"This room of clocks...I have been sitting here for a while now - fourty years to be exact."
...Just some suggestion as your word ordering seems...questionable?
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...see in my country when u murder an innocent man you are sentenced to be mentally tortured; in environments such as the room I am in now.
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"You" or "Ya" would fit at the beginning of this sentence, and the "see" and "country" should be followed by a comma.
Please...Never do this...
Ever.
The semicolon is unnecessary, I believe. Still, it could be implemented if you follow it with something like "...; condemned to environments such as the room I am in now."
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The man deserved the knife in his chest, he really did.
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I like this. It sounds as if the narrarator is pleading his case or trying to convince someone (possibly himself) that he's right.
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Him and his friend restrained me and began touching my darling wife Darla. So I untied myself with my pocket knife; kicked both of them and killed their leader.
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A few grammatical errors in the first sentence;
He and his friend restrained me and began touching my darling wife
, Darla.
The latter sentence is odd...I don't know why.
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He was a dad of 2, a mystery to me.
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"He was the father of two," perhaps.
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Why a man would do such a thing, to touch another mans wife.
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Questionmark
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So I killed him, I have no regrets, so to speak.
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"So I killed him
. I have no regrets, so to speak."
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This room is comforting in an insane kind of way, what do you think Charles? (The talking clock) (The only talking clock, he had ever met in the room of clocks)
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Nice ending, although a bit weak. Maybe get rid of the parentheses and replace with a 1st person action like:
"...What do you think, Charles?
"I turn to Charles, the tall, talking clock; The only talking clock, I had ever met in the room of clocks."
Nice twist at the end, btw. I was just thinking that the guy was a bit too sane to have been trapped in a room of clocks for fourty years before the talking clock thing.
Keep up the work.
