GingerSnap

A New Beginning

[Hey, I'm here and this is my first attempt at writing something and showing it to strangers. I hope you like it. But please be nice. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!]


Author: GingerSnap

A tear slid down his face. I've seen him cry before, but this time it was because of me. I just told him the truth and it, obviously, broke his heart. He stared at me and my heart ached. He was my best friend for two years and my boyfriend for one more. We told each toher everything. This was the first secret I had ever kept from him.

"Why--Why'd you do this?? Was it something I did??" He voice seemed to go flat as he spoke.

"I--I don't know..." I hesitated realizing what I did had no point ot it whatsoever.

"When did it start? Who was it? Are you sure I didn't do anything wrong? I'm sorry if I did...What am I saying?" Questions poured out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Joey. I still love you. I just--"

"Broke your promise of always being there??! So you cheated on me because you were too afraid of telling me the truth??!!" Joey's sadness was replaced with anger, a pure sign of betrayal,"You know what? If you can't break it off...I will!! Have a nice life, without me!!!" He walked away, anger showing in his eyes.

My own feelings turned against me, as I slowly took in what had just happened. A tear fell down my own cheek, suddenly turning into two, then three. Before I knew it, I was sobbing, out of regret and out of anger. Which was turned toward myself. I had just taken advantage of my best friend, and now, it had backed fired on me.

For weeks, I begged him to forgive me. He moved on as our friendship weakened. But about six months later, I received a phone call from him. He and his girlfriend had just broken up.

"Oh, so now you've come to give me the revenge. You know-- the one I deserve??" I spoke into the phone, jokingly.

He told me he wasn't looking for revenge. He just missed the friendship we had. He said he also missed the memories we could have had, but we missed out on, because of the fight. We made a plan to hang out on Friday, at the local park.

Friday came around, and we met, acting as if nothing had happened. I apologized, and he forgave me. I told him I still loved him, in a friend kind've way, and that I'd always be there for him. He told me for awhile that he was depressed, and he felt alone. He couldn't talk to anyone about his problems.

"Joey, you can talk to me..." My voice trailed off.

"I know I can."

I felt a sense of hesitation, and I automatically knew he was lying,
"Joey I betrayed you. You have no reason to trust me."

"Listen, you're only human. People make mistakes. They have a right to be forgiven."

I looked at him with tears in my eyes. I knew, right then and there, I would never make another mistake like that again. I had made one, and now I choose to learn from it and move on. That was it, no fairy tale, no falling in love all over again. Joey and I were friends and that was it.

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~Because I believe that little memories can only be remembered by a camera~ <3 Sara

gohn67

Hi Ginger,
I really liked the ending of the story. I hate perfect endings. I was half expecting it to end with them falling in love again. Thankfully that didn't happen or I would be vomiting.

I liked this sentence of how the tears keep splitting apart. I thought that unique and cool.

The dialogue was enjoyable to read also, I wish there was more of it though.

I kind of wanted to see this scene in more detail. What were they doing on this Friday? Show how they act as if nothing happend, but show their awkwardness at the time.

So I guess my one suggestion on improving this story is to go back and expand on it at parts where you feel you can be more detailed.

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BookLover

The story was a smooth read - simple language. As gohn pointed out, the ending was really good. Keep it up

bmroyer

cool story Gingersnap, it flows perfectly.

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GingerSnap

thank u guys. I was rushing when i wrote it which was like a week ago so srry it wasnt very detailed.

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~Because I believe that little memories can only be remembered by a camera~ <3 Sara

Supreme Radness

I could see the rushing. I would like a better representation of the passage of time during those 6 months and an idea of how her life was different during them. It felt kind of abrupt.

I had no sense of the passage of time there, and it was just a new paragraph. I think more detail would make both the scene breaking and the scene mending the friendship both have more merit. It might also help to have some idea why she cheated on him so the reader can still identify with the main character.

Other than the need to flesh it out more, what you have down is great. I liked the story in general, but the realistic sense I got from it and the accurate dialogue were the standouts.

Thanks for the read, and I hope to see it again.

Tim

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GingerSnap

thanks.

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~Because I believe that little memories can only be remembered by a camera~ <3 Sara