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Writer
Join Date: May 2005
Location: europe,greece
Posts: 26
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The suicide girl
Hello american people! I wrote a story here. Everything is real
people, dialogues taken from real life. i used to go to a bar and
met these people. It was a winter saturday night. A rainy one. People were running fast under their umbrellas. Some other couples in love, kissed each other under the falling rain. I don't know why but i always feel awful when saturday comes. Perhaps because i am a lonely person, and that day i see a lot of pairs and friends going out. I am not jealous, but i feel weird. Of course sunday is something else. Everyone sleeps in their bed till noon, or going to eat a fish, or just stay in their homes to get rest. My hair were wet and my clothes too. I didn't care to be honest. I would go to my favorite bar, were i would meet my unknown friends, like Jimmy. A guy who loved the motorcycles, and owned a yellow japanese one. He loved his Honda like his mother. He never had a girlfriend but he always had cycle. And he was proud of it. Although he visited a lot of hospitals, clinics and surgeries. His best friends were speed and death. He loved both of them. Even more than sex. Or to tell it with other words he had sex with both of them onto his honda. In the bar he was always sitting in the corner with his friends chating around and drinking beers. Of course all of them had wheels, and the wheels were their god. They only chated about their motors, and how fast they used to ran. One night he had said to me
-Hey, bill come over here to have a drink with us.
-Camon jimmy, i don't like hearing about cycles. I prefer to stay alone here in the bar. Sorry. I want to watch the live.
I looked in his eyes and i saw dissapointment. He really wanted my friendship, but i am just too bored with these guys. Not that i hate motors; i also own one. A honda less than 50cc. However, i would never accept a motor to be my best friend. They are engines that help humans go to their works, travel all around, or whatelse. But i could never get married with a couple of wheels. Well, Jimmy did it.
I am a guy, who likes loneliness. I am not afraid to tell it. I like having a drink on my seat and watching over. The girls, how they are dressed, their laughs, the smoke of their cigarettes flying slowly up to the ceiling, their boyfriends, the live songs, the bartender how he shakes the cocteils. I don't participate, i just watch. Silence is my god, if wheels is the god for jimmy.
Jimmy always narrates his expieriences from the hospitals. And he is proud of them. Believe me. I can't stand it. It is impossible. He is proud when he tell us
-I broke a leg and the ambulance picked me up.
-I broke some bones of my chest, but i reached 220. It is better than sex. Speed is my life.
If you are also mad for the motors you can understand me. Personally i love fishing, but thank god i am not visiting the hospitals, neither i wear a helmet, neither being chased by the cops. I love jimmy. I don't believe in friendship, but i love him because i know him since we were children. And i will cry when i will learn that he was killed in an accident. Because i always speak to him like his mother. And he replies with a kiss. Last week he told me something that i will never forget.
-So what if i kill my self? Everyone will say, another one asshole who killed himself. Will i be the first or i'll be the last?
I looked at him with out saying something. A person who wasn't afraid of death. That's why they kill themselves. We shouldn't blame the motors. They just love the suicides.
The bartender is another history. Jimmy loves motors, i love silence and fishing, and the bartender loves his bar. He lives only for a reason. To own his bar. He loves sitting behind and preparing the drinks. He is also a Dj when the clients don't sing their lives. In this bar everyone can sing his own live. You climb to the stage, you grab the microphone and sing the song you love. Very simple, isn't it? The bartender is 21 years old, but he feels very happy to own a bar which is 6 days a week empty. He also pays a lot of girls to do the serving. He would never accept to go to the tables himself. He would feel insulted. No one can understand it, but he always believes that good days will come. However only the police comes. He doesn't have a licence for live music and the other bars are calling the cops all the time. Fuckin traitors! One night he got into the jail. Thank god the officer was a family friend and he let him sleep with him in his office. All of us are trying to help; we buy a lot of drinks, calling our friends but the guy has a lot of debts and he just can't save himself. A lot of times his mother pays him a visit. She gives him a lot of money for his expenses. She is a nurse in a hospital and has a stable salary. This the reason also that the bartender feels like a business man. He can easily get loans with zero interests. They have big quarrels in the bar in front of us
-Jimm i can't give you all my money! Go find a job like all the other kids. The bar doesn't work. Quit it.
-Mother shut up. Why do you come? To make me angry? I will give you back the money i own. The bar will bring us money one day.
When the bartender gets angry his face becomes red like a tomatoe and you can easily see his green head veins get swelled. It is something unique that you see very rarely.
That saturday night the bar was quite full. All of us who sits on the bar love to be alone. We don't afraid of it. Of course we have some problems inside our hearts, they are bleeding for some reason, and that's why we don't have a pair, or we stay all the time silent. Near to me, a fat, blond, long haired girl was sitting. She was wearing glasses and she looked lost. Sure she was thinking of something. She didn't had contact with the environment. Although the music of Metallica would nearly crash our ears she stood silent looking at the floor. I tried to catch her eyes but she avoided looking at me. She must be very shy, i thought. But it was obvious, this girl was suffering. I didn't know from what, but something inside her was melting her body. I can't say i was the perfect Romeo but i said to myself, i must speak to her. I approached her close
-Ahem, hello there. What's up?
She looked at me with a disgusting look, like saying, i hate you, i hate all of men, i hate you because you are pigs. She didn't reply. I knew it! I always failed to approach women. I am useless. I looked down to the floor dissapointed and saw my self hidden in a small hole. He was laughing at me and finally said
-Asshole. Again you failed. What will i do with you? You embarassing me every time. When will you have a girlfriend?
I got furious, and speaked to her again
-Can i help you? I see, you are very sad. What have happened?
She turned and looked at me. God, she looked awful.
-You guessed right. I have a problem, that's why i am sad. But it is MINE. MINE! Ok? Now leave me alone.
-Ok, ok. No problem. Sorry.
Again i looked down. I am very shy. Especially with women. My face was red. My other self speaked to me again
-You fool! Why you quit so easy? Why you are such a big chicken?
I couldn't stand it anymore. I replied to him screaming
-Shut up, scum. Leave me alone. I didn't ask your advices.
The girl turned at me qurious.
-What?
-Oh, i am very sorry. I wasn't talking to you.
-You were talking with whom then?
-With a silly person who hides himself all the time and follows me.
-Your face is red! That person made you furious. Where is he? I don't see anyone!
-Oh, he left fast from the bar.
-I see. Welcome to the club then. We are all mad here. You look in problem.
-Thanks a lot! That's what i told you some seconds earlier and you replied, it's MINE problem.
-Sorry if i was rude. I didn't meant to. You see, problems.
-Problems. Problems. The humans create the problems, because the solutions need money.
-I agree.
-So, tell me now, what is your problem. You look confused and believe me, i might be of great help.
-My problems are very complicated. They cannot be solved.
-Perhaps your mind doesn't want to be solved.
-My mind! I used to believe i had one but i realise very late that i never had.
-You look clever enough.
-Well, I always was the best in class. Only A i had. I was the perfect girl.
-Wow. A nerd!
-Yes. A nerd. I always believed i was someone important, i never talked to other girls. Only if they would talk to me first.
-What about the high school?
-I finished it in Saudi Arabia!
-What? Saudi Arabia?
-Yap. My father is working there for an oil company.
-Speak some arabians.
-Noway. I am shy.
-Camon. Do it for me.
-Never. I promised to myself i will never speak again this language.
-Do you hate Arabia so much?
-Let's say it is weird there.
-And rich too!
-Yes but the society and life is very difficult for a european.
-So this is your problem? Arabia? Will you return back?
-No!
-Then why you are sad?
-It is in my character. I always was like this. I just pretended i was different so many years.
-Find a boyfriend! He will change your life.
-Boys are scums! I know all of you. You are the same. You think only for sex, and a perfect body. You don't look inside the soul. Besides my dady will come next week from Arabia.
-Really? This is a long trip!
-He has heart problems.
-And here they will be solved?
-Noway. Arabia has the best doctors!
-Then why he comes here?
-For me of course.
-For you? Why?
-Oh, i forgot to say! Every month i try to commit suicide but i fail all the time. Damn!
-You commit suicide? Why?
-I don't want to live anymore. I am bored of my life. I don't have any interests, friends, or a job.
-But you are rich! I guess your dady earn enough to offer you a nice life.
-Well this doesn't matter. Money is not everything.
-How do you try to kill your self?
-Oh, with many ways. In the past i tried to drown in the sea but i failed, it is difficult. I have also tried to cut my veins with crashed bottles but i failed again. Of course my best idea was to fell from my balcony but my sister saved me the last second.
-Wow. So you aren't afraid of death?
-Camon. It is only a second.
-Honey, you need medicines. Strong enough to control your mind.
-I have tried all of them. Nothing happened.
-So, i guess that's why dady comes here.
-Right, he wants his daughter alive.
-I think you are mad.
-Of course i am mad. That's why i want to kill myself.
-I really can't believe it.
-Well, you don't have to. It's my problem.
Darkness fell over the bar, the lights went off, and music reached hundrends of db. The bartender was in a great mood. He turned on only the red lights of his bar. Great atmosphere. She told me something but she couldn't be heard. I read however her lips
-Another time she was saying
Sometimes i really hate the tender. He loves metal, but i never liked it. Iron maiden, metalicca, ozbourne and whatelse shitsongs.
I payed for the drink and left the bar. The rain had stopped. The roads were full of small lakes. I looked at the heavens and saw Orion the hunter, and close enough the twins, Castor and Polideukis. I would like to live in another planet, in another solar system. The earthians thinks only the evil, never good. This planet is not for me. A lot of stress, a lot of hate. I returned home and i felt lucky being poor. Money doesn't solve all the problems afterwards!
hese peoples. Critiques please.
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What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I told you time and time again, you sing the words but don't know what it means
