Loki

Where do you get your inspiration?

I steal it, of course.

Those who think they are thinking original thoughts are sadly deluding themselves because any thought has been had before.

Sure, we’re all original little snowflakes, but we’re all recycling the same thoughts.

The unemployment office is so bland. Faceless people shuffle in, collect their money with heads in shame, and then back through the door with their feet scuffling across the scratchy carpet the whole way.

Looking from line to line, I seem to be the only one with my head up. This place is devoid of inspiration. These people have been bled dry.
The fresh air and the warm sunlight is a blessing after the stale air inside. With my head tilted above the honking cars and huddling masses (yet no check in my pocket), it’s almost like I’m all alone with nature.

“Watch it, buddy.”

A sharp shoulder bump has me reeling back, only to catch a glimpse of a beige, worn-out leather jacket. Catching my balance, I follow down the street, after the Jacket.

Lemmings dart back and forth in between us, occasionally breaking my concentration. Shadows of people in blue suits and black suits scuttling about their busy lives.

I lose the Jacket for a moment and heightening up to my tip-toes over the sea of faces, I watch him duck into a little bar wedged tightly between two restaurants.

There was something about that jacket; it’s been somewhere, it has a story to it.


Tears well up in my eyes with the smell of mildew and decay when I step into the dank bar with the soggy roof. Maybe it’s my eyes adjusting, but the bartender seems to float behind the bar. I grab a stool a couple away from the Jacket.

“Scotch on the rocks.” He mumbles to the bartender.


The shell of a man, crumpled against the back wall of the tavern. His eyes open, yet glazed over, staring at my back as I walk away.

A little club soda and the stains should come out.

The jacket fits nicely.

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"You don't die enough to cry." - Kerouac

Xonia

Haha. Very good. I like the way you leave the end open for own interpretation, whilst still giving small "hints" about what has happened. You also give a good description of the main character, which is not easy in such a short story.

Very nice indeed.

gohn67

This completelty unoriginal!

No, actually I found this fresh, and interestiing, and fun to read.

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kintaris

i love this sort of thing, especially done as well as this. I particularly like when a short story is literally very short yet manages to convey more dark humour and a sense of character than a lot of novels. Very stylish and very well done.

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Chancy

Well written with an O'Henry sort of narrative. I was hooked into the story from the beginning. The only suggestion I would make is not to capitalize "Jacket" To me the story would be more effective with lower case jacket. Perhaps explaining the hold the jacket had on the author with a bit more description might work better

Good Job

upennstudent

This was an interesting read though a little hard to follow. The ending may have been a bit rushed. It seemed to lack the detail that the beginning contained.
I would try to stay away from dramatic overgeneralizations. I tend to dislike the words "reeling" and "lemmings". They feel overused and slightly inappropriate for the tone you were going for. Instead, maybe try to pick out a few small details to elaborate on that will bring out the same point you are going for.
Overall, a story that pulls the reader in. Good job.

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mememe

Nice idea - the simple ones are always the best don't you find

The story is interesting and I love the ending.
A couple of comments.

I wasn't sure if the story included the first few lines , or if these were meant by way of introduction. I decided in the end that it really didn't matter.

Missed word here between heads and in shame? Not sure about the whole way

although I know exactly what you mean, heightening up to doesn't quite work for me

This could do with some adjustment. My picky side had you walking into a dank bar with (as in alongside/with ,as your companion,) the soggy roof.

I agree with the previous comments about capitalising the J/jacket and the use of lemmings...but I really liked this short. I hope you do a rewrite and repost it. I think the ending is just brilliant.

mememe