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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 06-25-2005, 06:27 PM   #1
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The Dream

It's been a while since I posted, mainly because I've been working and partly because I haven't had much to write about. Until the nightmares started. I've been having them for about a fortnight now and this is the only one I have managed to remember in full.

I apologise for the ambiguities in it, even I don't understand it! I just thought it was kinda cool and well, it terrified me when I woke up from it....

************************************************** *******

The dreamscape slipped suddenly, tearing a rift in her rambling thoughts, plunging reality into a realm of abstract light. Images were forced to twist and mutate into kaleidoscopes of brilliant flashes, bringing with them disorientation. It swirled through her body as she stumbled and grabbed blindly for liquid surfaces that began to pour upwards and flood the alcoves like spilt ink.
The singularity slowed to a distant hum, throwing orange hues into the fading after images of her living room furniture. She flinched as the portal ripped open and gasped desperately at the sight of her lover in the arms of two women, stony faced with betrayal.
Heaving air into her lungs, she looked down to see a knife in her trembling hand. Without a second thought, she spread the shuddering blade as widely as the traitor’s grin across the resonating vision. Light poured from the wounds of the chimera as it began to melt like burning exposures, holes pocking and spreading like drops of mercury.
Rage involuntarily thrust up into her throat, paralysing her; she was unable to stop herself from falling to her knees now as the bile climbed in her, leaving copper to roam her mouth … struggling to turn and flee.
A voice seared across her ears and skin, calling her name insistently over and over.
“Dana … Dana. It’s ok; hold still. You’re gonna be ok…”
She recognised the voice as if from a dream and spun to see an oval of blistering light hanging like a broken spectre before her. Its white core began to diminish as shards of the effervescent being splintered from its radiant centre like St. Elmo’s fire.
The burning mass finally extinguished taking the form of John; she would never have expected him to be here. He stalked towards her with an almost predatory glare in his eyes.
Exhausted and doused in sweat, she collapsed backwards into his waiting arms feeling reality hiss back into the void of existence as life fell silent around them like stars.
John reclined gently with her in his embrace and stroked the damp hair back from her face. She breathed heavily and he watched silently as her chest laboured to rise and fall.
“I thought I was gonna have to call a doctor there…” he whispered softly.
A smiled spread slowly across her face.
“What are you doing here John?”
She felt his fingers trail gently over her ribs, narrowly missing the curve of her breast. Her skin begged him to turn back.
“Saving your life it would seem.”
“I’m having a bad day.”
“I couldn’t tell,” he chuckled.
He let his touch pursue further down across her stomach and listened quietly to her voice as she spoke.
“I saw him. He was …’ she hesitated, ‘he was with other women, two of them.”
The words stung the back of her throat as the thought of the harpies dissolved into her eyes.
“No, you know he loves you.”
“I know, but I can’t cope with it anymore; he has to die. I need to live,” she admitted.
John frowned at her confession but sighed with reluctant defeat, thinking how much of a hypocrite he was at that moment. It was only last week that he had rid himself of the significant other in his life. He shuddered at the thought.
“What do you want me to do?” He asked.
“Nothing – it’s already done.”
Stark realisation flooded over his skin at her words and he turned his gaze upward to heaven as if waiting for the Gods to strike him down.
“Dana … it’s the Daemon. It’s here. But it’s you … It’s in you!”
“What?”
“The rings … why didn’t I see it before?”
“What rings?”
John opened his palm. Two golden rings sat in the centre. She looked at them closely feeling dread soar in her chest as she saw that he was right.
Her stomach lurched and convulsed as a surge of vomit tumbled into her mouth. Leaping out of his arms, she fell against the rim of the toilet and scrambled up desperately as the Daemon ejected itself out of her oesophagus.
She choked as black, brown and red clots of flesh and sinew splattered against the inside of the porcelain and at the edges of the rim.
The sour smell of sick rose up to her senses as she shook at the sight of the worm twisting in the bottom of the bowl.
John crawled to her side and stared at the parasite in terror. He pulled down hard on the flush mechanism and watched it disappear.
They sat back together and looked at one another, fearing the truth. The Daemon was gone and their lovers were dead.
Taking a ring, they slid it down each other’s finger and smiled.
“It was worth it, “she uttered.
“I agree …”


************************************************** ****

Its the second draft. I'll probably ammend it when I have more time. And when I'm not scared to death and utterly exhausted

I love me dreams... ¬.¬

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Old 06-26-2005, 04:07 AM   #2
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I can tell by reading this that you are a very good writer and should persue that path or perhaps you are just an over dreamer. Anywho, I liked what you wrote. If these people where real I would confront them, the story feels real. Does that make sense? I sometimes have weird dreams. One time I was awake but hadn't awoken from my dream. I was camping in the backyard of my sisters place and I'd fallen' asleep on this white plastic chair. These voices where telling me no, no, no ,no inside my head. Over and over again, but I couldn't get rid of them. So decided to go for a walk. I started banging on my sisters door. When I woke up properly I was standing at the bottom of the stairs in a sweat. Dan and Ali had woken up they looked through the zipper of the tent and saw me in the middle of the street walking around yelling and screaming. When I'd gone to the door Liz came out and shook me awake. I can only remeber bits of it but they didn't know what was going on. Anyway, I've gotten side tracked again. Good piece.
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Old 06-26-2005, 04:08 AM   #3
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I can tell by reading this that you are a very good writer and should persue that path or perhaps you are just an over dreamer. Anywho, I liked what you wrote. If these people where real I would confront them, the story feels real. Does that make sense? I sometimes have weird dreams. One time I was awake but hadn't awoken from my dream. I was camping in the backyard of my sisters place and I'd fallen' asleep on this white plastic chair. These voices where telling me no, no, no ,no inside my head. Over and over again, but I couldn't get rid of them. So I decided to go for a walk. I started banging on my sisters door. When I woke up properly I was standing at the bottom of the stairs in a sweat. Dan and Ali had woken up they looked through the zipper of the tent and saw me in the middle of the street walking around yelling and screaming. When I'd gone to the door Liz came out and shook me awake. I can only remeber bits of it but they didn't know what was going on. Anyway, I've gotten side tracked again. Good piece.
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Old 06-26-2005, 04:21 AM   #4
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thanks for you're feedback

I was a bit worried about it becasue it doesn't really make much sense. You really have to read into it to try and understand the things that have happened before and the things that happen after.

I intend upon pursuing a career in writing! I just don't know where to start really.

I have had a weird walking dream before too... had a nightmare that a box was trying to eat me when I was a kid. My mum woke up to find me by the stairs screaming ... so strange.

Again, thanks for your reply! Feedback is so helpful to me
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Old 06-26-2005, 05:47 AM   #5
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I really liked this story. It made me think, which is always good. You didn't explain much and left gaps open for own interpretation, which makes the story extra appealing.

But, more so than the story itself, it was particularly your writing style that made this read very enjoyable. I really, REALLY like the long, discriptive sentences. It creates a colourful visual image for the responder.

Also, I like the symbolism of the rings.
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Old 06-26-2005, 03:46 PM   #6
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I liked this too, but the first time I didn't like it. On tHe second read was when I started liking it. First read I was like waht the hell is going on.

I too like the symbolism of the rings.

Quote:
Exhausted and doused in sweat, she collapsed backwards into his waiting arms feeling reality hiss back into the void of existence as life fell silent around them like stars.
I liked the metaphor here at teh end of this sentence. It's close to being cliche but the way you wrote it makes it not.

Quote:
The words stung the back of her throat as the thought of the harpies dissolved into her eyes.
I love the image I get here.

Quote:
The sour smell of sick rose up to her senses as she shook at the sight of the worm twisting in the bottom of the bowl.
Awkward.

Also just for the ease of future readers of this story, can you double space the paragraphs, so it is easier to read.
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Old 06-26-2005, 03:50 PM   #7
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thanks for your tips, I really appreciate your input as always!

I pasted it in doble spaced but for some reason it didn't work that way which is frustrating. I should have a third draft done in a few days time with any problems ironed out and some extra bits in there too. Things that weren't in the original draft, like the description of the harpies.

Many thanks again


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