johnjohndoe

I don't know why people refer to this place as The Funny Farm. There isn't a cow or a chicken or a goat any where near here. All there is around here is doctors and nurses and crazy people. And me. My name is Richard Hoover.

That's Hoover - just like the vacuum cleaners. All my life folks have been asking me the same stupid question. They always smile and say, "Are you related to the vacuum cleaner Hoovers?" Well, I always give them the same stupid answer. I smile right back at them and say, "Yes, I am. And it really sucks!" Do you get the joke? Vacuum cleaners suck...okay? It's funny, isn't?

To be honest with you, I'm not really related to the vacuum cleaner Hoovers. I'm not going to lie to you. Lying is bad, and I never do anything that is bad. Just ask anybody here. They'll tell you the truth about me.

This is the Walter C. Owens State Memorial Hospital, and this is where I have lived for the past 14 years 7 months and 13 days. It used to called the Walter C. Owens State Mental Hospital, but 8 years 2 months and 21 days ago, a group of people from the town got together and decided that that name didn't sound good anymore...and so they changed it.

Back in the 1920's, Walter C. Owens was one of the richest and most powerful men in the state. He was sitting on top of the world. But he had a daughter that was off-her-rocker, as they used to say. Mr. Owens donated a lot of money and built this place so that she would have a place to live after he died. A lot of looney people have called this place home since then.

I wasn't very happy about the name change at first, but then they decided to paint all the rooms a different color. All the rooms used to be painted white - a dull dirty white. The kind of white that always made me feel nervous and upset. I'm not a painter, so there wasn't much I could do about it except stay nervous and upset. Then they painted the rooms blue - robin's ege blue, baby blue. The sort of blue that reminds me of the color of my wife's eyes. That's when I really started to feel better about being here.

My wife is the reason I am here. Her name is Elisabeth and she is an amateur magician. I will never forget the night that she made herself disappear. That's when all the trouble started. I was in the kitchen drying the dishes and Elisabeth was in the den practicing her disappearing routine. When I was finished with the dishes I went into the den to find out what she wanted me to do next - Elisabeth yells at me if I don't keep busy around the house - but, she was gone! I figured that she had made herself disappear and couldn't figure out how to reappear. After all, my wife was only an amateur magician.

That's what I told the police. And that is what I told the lawyers and the judge and the jury. Eventually, they all got together and decided I should wait for Elisabeth here, at Walter C. Owens State Memorial Hospital. And thats what I have been doing for the last 14 years 7 months and 13 days.

It'a sure nice talking to you, but here comes the nurse. It looks like it's time for me to take some more medicine and go to sleep. Perhaps we can talk again some time. I'm in room 215. Good bye.

Flatworld

Dude...I don't know what inspired that.

It was interesting though...At the end, I was finally convinced he was crazy. The story is decent...though I am not a fan of first person.

Oh well...You can disregard my comments if you like...I am not experienced enough to give good advice.

Half There

Not bad. However, I think it lacks a little something. Perhaps it's just the material that's a bit thin. This is probably about the most polished this can get.

My only specific complaint is the spelling of "Elizabeth". It's just weird to see it with an s.

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Flatworld

I'm not trying to start anything...But my cousin's name is Elisabeth. With an "s".

Flatworld

Disregard this post...accidental double post.

DoobieKeebler

Hmmm. I'm guessing this story makes sense if you haven't ever been on the psyche unit. To me it's a decent enough story with one paragraph that kind of gives a hint of why he's there.

That said, and I realize this isn't the critique forum, he wouldn't be using words/phrases like "funny farm", "crazy", and "looney". You learn to see words like those as misguided at best.

All in all, though, the story makes me want to read more of your work. Which is probably the best compliment one writer can give another.

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journyman161

I like it. I even found the 1st person was slightly detached, making it more real he was under treatment. Everything evened out so his rage is unavailable & even his curiosity is restrained.

I think to get put in the hospital, he'd need to have seen her go or something; if they thought he'd killed her I think they'd be locking him in jail to wait. But if he was raving about cloud of green smoke or similar, the hospital would make more sense.

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johnjohndoe

i want to thank flatworld, half there, doobiekeebler & journyman161 for your comments.

first of all, i got the name elisabeth from the actress, elisabeth shue. she was in leaving las vegas with nicolas cage.

second, i know the ending leaves a lot to be desired. thanks for all the great suggestions to fix it.

yours respectfully,

john. john doe.

EmuJenkins

This was a great short story. I really liked the format of it... the ending came at a great time, and I wanted more. I like how the character doesn't quite seem crazy, but is just a bit off. I like how you describe him as being 'upset and nervous' about the colour of the walls. That is good detail. I say that you shouldn't change the story of how the narrator ended up in the hospital... it is great the way it is.
As for the spelling of Elisabeth, I've seen it with an 's' but prefer a 'z'. Minor thing, but it seemed a bit off.

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DoobieKeebler

See, that's what I think I'm missing here. Richard seems normal to me. That paragraph about his wife disappearing tells me something is up with him. But that's about it.

Johnjohndoe, have you thought about making this the beginning of a larger story? I'm thinking of sort of a "Conversations With Richard" thing where mostly he seems normal, but now and again he comes out with something that makes the reader take a step back. We slowly but surely find out why he's at the hospital.

You've created one heck of a character in Richard.

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waylander

Seeing your character's state of mind he would surely have been related to the other Hoover (Edgar, the intelligence agency one, yes).

Quote :
My wife is the reason I am here. Her name is Elisabeth and she is an amateur magician. I will never forget the night that she made herself disappear.

This is really good, I am quite jealous of it. Everything revolves around this in your story. He is there because of his wife, his wife disappeared because obviously he needed to be there.
You should expand this idea and write more 'around' this.
cheers

Wyndstar

This was a nice little quip of a story, and the charictoization had a nice flair to it. I think the problem I have with it is believability. He was put in this little place because he believed his wife disappeared. Why? Did they suspect he killed her? He wouild at least know this, whether he was labeled as suddenly incompetent or not. He comes off as being rational enough to narrate that. It seems a bit of a cop out for him to just say they put him there to wait for her to come back.

I think this would work best as a larger story. That would probably work out the above kink. Your char has great personality, so don't leave him confined to this one blurb.

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Flatworld

Amen to the last few posts.

...

An expansion into a novel or at least a series of short stories would be awesome.

Similar to Ray Bradbury's family of vampires. Only, of course, instead of vampires, you have crazy people. Funny Farm could be about several crazy inmates, but the driving action would be Richard Hoover.

...

Potential Gem

strangedaze

JJD,

Nice little character study, but I think it's lacking depth, especially if you are relying on the quirkiness of your narrator to sell the story. It did remind me of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, so you must be doing something right

Good writing just the same.

Andy

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johnjohndoe

dear everybody above,

thanks for resusciating this story.

john. john doe.