nauticus66

He opens his eyes and looks around at the snow covered landscape. He checks his M4, takes the safety off, applies the suppressor and extends the shoulder butt. He crouches as the rest of the 8 man squad moves out to their assigned objectives. The silence is crisp and almost visible with wisps of fog drifting by on the cold air. After getting his bearings, he moves out along the bottom of the ravine headed south. Suddenly the silence is broken by the guttural pop of an AK74. This is soon followed by more gunfire announcing that some of his squad had engaged the enemy.

Opfor(0pposing force) was here to destroy the small convoy his squad had been sent to protect. He rounds a bend in the ravine to see the path ahead widen to reveal a slightly wooded glade heavily covered in snow. He crouches then goes prone behind a small fern and looks through his scope. Up ahead he sees where the walls of the ravine converge again to provide a bottleneck through which he knows Opfor will have to come.

“Like sitting ducks.” he says as he once again checks his M4. He keys his mic. “Alpha one in position.”

“Roger.” Is the response.

Aloud explosion is heard to his right beyond the elevation of the ravines' wall. The RPG round obviously finding a target as screams are heard and his HUD reports two frendlies down.

“Noobs,” he mutters to himself as he settles deeper into the snow beneath the tree.

Suddenly he senses movement in the bottleneck ahead. The barest flicker of a head as a wary foe inches forward to see beyond the wall of the ravine. With the smallest movement possible he switches his hand position to access the 203 on the lower rail of his M4.

“Good night,” he says as he pulls the trigger.

A thump is heard as his round is fired. The explosion is deafening when his round hits the bottleneck. His HUD reports 3 Opfor down. He quickly returns his hands to their original position in case anyone is brave enough to advance after that display.

“Charlie three coming under heavy fire! I repeat Charlie three com...” A rattle of rounds silences the radio call.

“Shit!” he mutters as he realizes their right flank is now unprotected.

“Bravo two this is Alpha one over.” He calls.

“Alpha one bravo two, we copy.” Was the reply.

“Bravo two, request you investigate Charlie’s position.”

“Alpha one bravo two roger out”

He waits patiently for a report periodically removing his eye from the scope to check his surroundings. Suddenly two more Opfor come running through the bottle neck gunning for the cover of a few furs along the eastern edge of the ravine.

“Check, Check, Bravo, Alpha engaging.” He calls as he opens up on the trailing enemy. A cloud of pink joins the white fog as his rounds find their target. The first man is down beneath a fur by the time his scope acquires him. Chips start flying from his tree as the Opfor opens fire. Most people would begin to panic at this point and miss a split second advantage given by the misaimed rounds but he does not. He fires a three round burst into the face of his enemy. The echo of gunfire rattles around the ravine as he scans for more.

“All clear.” He reports.

“Alpha One, Bravo Two. Charlie is down. We found Opfor scattered around too. Looks like he fell with a live nade and took out three of them.

The radio keys: “SOA Squadron, your position is clear. Stand by for extraction.”

gohn67

This action scene was done well. You described the action well.

There were some grammatical things, like run-ons.

Why does he say "noobs" It made it sound like he was playing COunter Strike or something. I doubt in real life that term is used battle.

What is Opfer? At first I thought that was the name of the main character, but later on it seems like maybe they are the enemy.

These two sentences don't connect together well to me.

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cooldudemanus

It was a pretty good story all in all! I can't say much is wrong with it though because I'm not an expert writer!

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I really want to become a better writer! Before you ask I'm NOT illiterate! PLEASE HELP!