AverageJoe

Stay Focused

Peterson watched with glazed eyes as the man standing near the whiteboard continued to ramble about issues with the Happy Time Ice Cream Parlor account. Brachman, the man speaking, owned that account, and wasn’t doing too well. Peterson knew that Brachman was going to try to make this his fault somehow, for Brachman hated him with a passion.

“Stay focused,” Peterson warned himself, “he’s going to pull something as soon as he thinks we’ve all been bored into a stupor.”

Looking around the room, Peterson noticed that the company president was already nodding off, and several of the executives had starting playing games on their PDAs. Alicia was staring out the window, but somehow sensed Peterson’s eyes brush over her and turned to smile.

Peterson smiled back at Alicia, his mind drifting back to the last account that they had been assigned to in Maui. They both knew getting involved with a co-worker would be a bad idea, but something about Maui had virtually forced them into each other’s arms, and into each other’s hotel rooms. Alicia never did explain why she packed such risque lingerie for business trips, however. After a slight frown, his smile widened as he thought about the satin--

“Peterson!” a voice boomed, snapping his thoughts back into the meeting. “What was your reasoning behind that?”

Peterson quickly located the source of the voice and found himself staring into the accusing eyes of the company president. Glancing quickly at Brachman, Peterson realized that the move had been made, and blame was hanging over his head. Brachman didn’t even seem to be making the slightest attempt to disguise the smirk that had now crept onto his face.

“Well, sir,” Peterson started, frantically trying to assemble a defense to an attack he hadn’t even been aware had been launched, “I’ve just been deeply pondering that myself right now, and I have to admit, I don’t think that Brachman explained the situation correctly.”

Peterson turned to look at Brachman, and took some small satisfaction in watching the smirk fade from his face. “After all, I have several, much larger accounts that I need to look out for, and I could certainly see how doing something in one of their best interests could appear detrimental to a smaller, less significant account like Happy Time.”

Brachman was beginning to become irritated now, sensing that the company president was confused by Peterson’s reply. He raised his finger and began to speak, but Peterson was too fast for him.

“If Brachman would like to try to look at the issue from a larger point of view, and perhaps analyze how it impacts our company as a whole instead of just one small account, I think my reasoning will become clear,” Peterson finished smugly.

With the president redirected, Peterson watched Brachman turning redder by the moment as he realized that it was his turn to justify something.

“Say focused,” Peterson warned himself again, “Brachman isn’t going to let me off that easily.”

Glancing around the table, Peterson satisfied himself that the executives that were no longer playing games on their PDAs were now looking expectantly at Brachman. All of the executives except for Jennifer, who was smiling slyly at him, undoubtedly aware of the redirection that had just occurred.

Peterson smiled back at Jennifer, her low-cut blouse reminding him of the dress she had worn on the account that they had worked together in the Virgin Islands...

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gohn67

This is a well written piece, very smooth and flows well. I liked this piece.

I liked the flirting between ALicia and Peterson, that worked well, and show his distraction.

I kind of feel that the this could go on a bit longer, the dialogue parts.

Does he say this out loud?
My point for bringing up this quote was that Brachman did let off him easily.

Also I think I need to seem him lose focus more or start to lose focus. During hte conversation he's pretty focused.

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AverageJoe

Thanks!

Sorry, I was trying to relate the fact that he kept losing focus by becoming distracted by the women in the room - at the end, just as Brachman's about to fire back, he starts to become distracted (loses focus) again.

I'll play around with that - thanks for taking the time to reply!

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AverageJoe

I always struggle with openings - I'll need to be more cognizant of that in the future, thanks!

I don't know why, but I had this idea this morning and wanted to see if I could put it in writing. That's all there is, just a brief exercise in trying to capture a moment of the working world in a slightly humorous way.

Thanks for the comments!

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cooldudemanus

awsome piece! i really liked it!

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sammisan

I really liked it. Well written. On the opening sentence issue, perhaps you could begin with the stay focused line. That would capture the reader so that they want to know why he needs to stay focused. Then go on with Peterson watching Brachman rambling about Happy Time. Interesting piece.

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s.r. Wanderlust

Neat idea for a story, and very well written! This piece flows very well and has a smooth, even tone and voice.

Perhaps a bit too even, though, during the part when the company president yells at him. He is reprimanded about something to which he has not been paying attention because he has been thinking about a secret and perhaps highly taboo (many workplaces have policies against relationships between coworkers) amourous encounter which occurred on worktime. Perhaps he is caught blushing slightly when he is scolded by the boss man. It could make his recovery a bit more smooth and close as well perhaps. A little more sweating during this part, perhaps a loving, covert signal/clue of some sort from Alicia to help during this part might also draw her in a little more as a rounder character. Also does he know something about the president that we don't know, that makes him easy to appease and manipulate?

Also, a little more history on his rivalry with Brachman could add some depth.... And I agree that more dialogue, internal as well as external, could liven this piece up quite a bit. After all it is a meeting.

Otherwise, though, a very enjoyable read.
I will be looking for more of your work in the future!
~s.r. Wanderlust

Danny77

I liked this a lot. Its clever and sophisticated, yet very easy to read. Nice work.

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silentbeauty

very nice, keep up the good work. You are able to keep my attention with most everything you write. I enjoyed this piece alot.




silentbeauty