" God still makes Mistakes" - Writers Forum

eggo · 05-05-2005, 08:59 PM

moved

JustinCarter · 05-05-2005, 09:23 PM

Wow!

I certainly enjoyed this read. I like how you shifted viewpoints so quickly.

However, I noticed many grammar mistakes. Many commas were missing. Every story has it flaws.

But other than that, this was certainly an enjoyable read. Good transitions.

-Justin

Ilan Bouchard · 05-05-2005, 09:29 PM

Got to say I liked the first one a lot better.
I liked that one, this one I didn't like a lot.

gohn67 · 05-06-2005, 01:59 AM

Yea, I agree with Ilan. The first one was much better, I really liked that one. The other one was just more funny and clever. This kind of lacks that.

You did say you just wrote this on the fly basically, so I think it needs revision to clear up the rough edges.

Chris Miller · 05-06-2005, 11:40 AM

Never read the first one. I'll just comment on this one.

Quote:

The being we speaking about is the all knowing,

are speaking

Quote:

Look at Eighties.

"the eighties"
Funny bit.

Quote:

...like an elemental he was.

"the"

I'll let you edit the rest.

I thought the piece was pretty funny and clever. I especially like where the cats decide to "do nothing." It doesn't try too hard, which is nice (and always tempting with humor). Because of your shifting voices, careful editting is extra important--to keep it (in)credible. I think it is my favorite piece of yours yet.

eggo · 05-07-2005, 01:20 AM

This story was a bit of different humour from the other story. In retrospect I should have named it differently to seperate them.

Quote:

Ilan Bouchard Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:29 pm Post subject:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Got to say I liked the first one a lot better.
I liked that one, this one I didn't like a lot.

So you did like this one but not as much?Or barely liked the first one and loathe this?

Quote:

JustinCarter
Wow!

I certainly enjoyed this read. I like how you shifted viewpoints so quickly.

Thanks for reading

gohn67
Thanks for the read.
Chris Miller

Thanks Chris.
My humour is a aquired taste. There are quite a few double entandes there and my style with it is rapid fire.
I edited most of the problems out. Thanks for the input.
If you would like to read the other story, which has little or nothing to do with this story, the title in my post is a cleverly hidden link under the title of the former.