johnjohndoe

Dan, the internet poet, sat in front of his computer and started to type. The cat distrated him. Dan watched as the cat walked across the living room floor and into the kitchen. Dan was tired, and sometimes writing something on the computer would relax him. It was a mild afternoon in San Francisco, and Dan was going to have dinner with Cindi at 7.

Dan had made a resolution New Year's eve. He was going to write something original each week and post it on the internet. He'd been doing it for four months. Sometimes he wished he hadn't made that promise to himself. He takes to seriously sometimes. Today was no exception.

Dan had written a couple of good ones and a few more that really weren't so good.

To help himself along, Dan had taken to reading as often as possible. Dan read poetry, short stories, novels, newpapers and, of course, the never ending series of posts on the internet sites that he was interested in. Dan felt a need to contribute the best that he could because some of the material he read on the internet was so amazingly good.

The phone rang and Dan stopped to answer:

"Hello?"
"You didn't expect this, did you?" said the voice in the phone.
"Expect what?" said Dan. "Who is this?"

Dan had a lot of decisions to make: was the voice in the phone a man's or a woman's? What did the voice want? What was Dan supposed to say?

Then Dan looked at his watch and decided he needed to get ready for dinner. He shut down his computer and looked over at the cat. He was looking forward to dinner.

A Glass Thought

Johnny-John-John-De-Doe-Doe,

Well, at first I skimmed through it and was slightly confused because the piece seemed to have no purpose at all. It started with nothing and ended just as empty. The repetition of Dan instead of using he or his threw me off a bit also. But once I went through and read it I think I caught what it was.

You've mixed your own thoughts into the writing. You described a guy not being able to think of anything to write. Then you decided to make the telephone ring and the short, random conversation took place. I'm guessing then you couldn't decide in which direction to build off of that which you expressed in Dan's thoughts.(Should I make it a man's voice or a woman's?)

I think that's what your doing, because I have similar thoughts when I just begin writing and follow the story where it goes. Writing the effect first and then searching for the cause.

As a piece itself it's okay. It's very short which makes the repeating of Dan's name very redundant. Lengthening with some discriptions and more of a look into Dan's thoughts could make it better. Also telling the reader more about Cindi rather than her being a name would help

Glass

__________________
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johnjohndoe

hello Glass,

you have offered some solid constructive critism.

thanks for pointing out the problems you had with this post. you made a great deal of sense.

i've already looked it over.

sincerely,

john. john doe.

johnjohndoe

dear miawriter,

i cann't argue with you about your comments.

i just reread this posting, and it indeed, sucks.

but, i enjoyed writing it.

thanks again for your straight-forward comment.

j.jd.

johnjohndoe

dear gigi,

thank you for stopping.

if you're interested, part two is on lit.org.

it is in the blog catagory and is titled: sunrise. someday morning. (12)

john.